All things wrong with my life after a divorce

justice218 · Jun 3, 2015

So its been almost two years since i've been divorced. although it was not the greatest or proudest moment of my life to announce a divorce as though its a first prize for winning a competition. It rather felt like a removal of burden, tension, and a niggling uncomfortable feeling being gone. I have to be honest with myself though....it was great to get out of the abusing house and violent husband and inlaws..but at what cost. I've lost so many precious young years of my life. I've lost my confidence, my self-esteem, lost the feeling that i'm a good person to be a partner/companion to someone. i've lost money, pride, my looks, and my self-worth.

Is this what i thought i would get and feel after getting divorced. Not i did not.....i thought I will say F*** YOU to my previous sodden life and move forward. But what have I done...yes, i was able to finish my Masters in a good university with an excellent grade. But its been 6 months since i've finished, and i dont have a job. So i guess my thought of being independent and trying to make up for financial losses are still bleak. My dad started looking for matches the next day after my divorce got finalised. yet i am still unmarried. and search hasnt stopped. Not one guy seems good to get married again, or guys are rejecting me. My pride of being a good partner is being all the more diminished. where is the happiness that i thought i would get after going through the worst **** of life. when are things going to look on the brighter side.

I come from a very good family, grew up good morals and ethics, am a good friend, i am responsible, i look after my parents. But why are still things wrong in my life...? I do not want to play the "poor girl" facade...but i pray everyday that something in my life turns around....

is there anyone out there who feels the same. Would be great to hear someone share their feelings, or just give me advice,

Dipsy19 · Jun 3, 2015

Just stumbled upon your post. I don't know what to say which would give you lil relief...but I would say..take it as a lesson..just don't hurry up into another relationship. Give yourself some free time. Enjoy your freedom...pamper yourself..make friends...start loving yourself. Once you reach your best...things will certainly fall into place.

Cheers!!

justice218 · Jun 3, 2015

@Dipsy19. You are right about thing. I am loving my freedom! yumsmiley

kanthtx · Jun 3, 2015

stay strong... u have come way past the worst of ur life events...

would marrying immediately after ur divorce would have been a success in your view or ur parents view? marriage is not an objective to strike off...
dont u think u need to be strong enough to fight and move forward and establish urself first?

dont get disappointed... my cousin graduated in 2013 and she got a job in early 2015.. computer science... the salary was a bit low than expected but she is doing fine now...

so dont get disheartened... and be proud of urself that u r able to distinguish the good from bad, and realized that u r in a bad relationship and had the guts to move out...

take it easy on urself... make a habit of not being too hard on urself... thinkig about wer u r every single day and feeling bad that u cannot get married as per the society's expectations...

if u really want to get married,, try dating ... seriously put up ur profile and date some one.. may be actually using ur brain and dating some one might help u find the right partner.. rather than posting in matrimonial sites and going for arranged marraiges..

stay strong and move forward...

finally u might think u have lost your young age, and looks.. but remember there is another 50+ more years for you to become beautiful and successful... there is beauty at every age... that comes from happiness and confidence...

sweety17 · Jun 3, 2015

Dear OP,

Totally understand what you are going through..i understand that marriage is heavy on your heart but marriage has to happen as far as I know it...so yes try dating some one from your college, office wherever you are...at least start talking to them. Then options will open up by themselves. If you try the matrimonial way am not sure there will be much progress or options for that matter.

Don't be so hard on yourself dear...go make some friends. Go out more...spend time in the company of your friends. Don't sit at home coz that will get you nowhere. Work on your looks...get a change of your wardrobe...Pamper yourself!! That should be a good start...

Marzipan · Jun 4, 2015

You say things went all wrong after divorce but from your post I see a lot of positive developements:

1. the first one being your divorce from your abusive ex-husband itself
2. completing Master's from a good University
3. that too with excellent grades

For the time being concentrate on looking for jobs, preparing for interviews, do you have a good social network (sometimes even friends from other fields might have a spouse or sibling who works at company X that might have vacations), try to reconnect with people/classmates. Don't worry, things will start to look up again soon. Times are not always bad. It's only a phase and it will pass.

Another thing is, try your best not to dwell in the past with thoughts like "I've lost my confidence, my self-esteem, lost the feeling that i'm a good person to be a partner/companion to someone. i've lost money, pride, my looks, and my self-worth."

Girlie, except for the money, these are not things to be lost. Only someone who is self-confident of their own abilities can pursue their Master's, that too after a painful divorce. Only someone with a high self-esteem, who understands her self-worth, can find the strength to leave an abusive marriage. I understand that you are in pain but from your post I am sure that your career will soon take off, it's only a matter of time before you land a good job. Wish you the best of Everything!

1Sandhya · Jun 4, 2015

Dont beat up on yourself just because you have encountered a speed bump. Concentrate on getting the job. It may take time but it will happen. you cannot rebuild your life in an instant. It will take time and patience.

Poetlatha · Jun 4, 2015

I would say all positive has happend, you moved out from the worst situation, you got your Master's with good grades - you accomplished, give a pat on your back. Don't get frustrated, give it some time, and things will fall in place. Like others said, love yourself, pamper yourself, have fun with friends, become more cheerful and light hearted, don't weigh yourself with the bitter past or rushing to conclusions and forcing into future due to society's expectations. But think of, dream of exciting, positive future. Prep up for interviews, be confident, give your best. When you change your inner self to be happy inspite of life's challenges, you will gain back your confidence, happiness and strength. And this inner power will bring prosperity and peace. My sincere most prayers for all nice things to happen for you. First concentrate on getting a job and do all that is necessary. Good luck and best wishes dear.

justice218 · Jun 4, 2015

Cheers everyone....thanks for the advice..

Jazmine83 · Jun 5, 2015

It is just a phase...It seems like a mountain now, but you will climb it

Your story is very similar to mine, I left a cheating spouse, enrolled in a masters program within 5 months of leaving him......life was hectic, between school and lawyers...but my friends were always there for me. Lo and behold...a friend from my very tight knit circle, proposed out of the blue. That point was the most confusing for me and that's when I signed up for IL...more and more confusions later...my wedding date is fixed

Now when I look back and read my first post..I just smile..If I can go back in time..I will tell the worried, confused girl....everything will be alright. I am telling you the same, don't lose your confidence...sometimes you will feel super low and lost...but good things wait for you