confused and having self doubts

Hi all,

This is a long story please bear with me.

I was married five years ago, seperated after 3 months and got my divorce last year.

Lots of things went wrong at different levels- relationship between my parents and theirs, my relationship with ex. etc. they were telling lots of lies about even small small things and also main cause was they somehow got into their heads, that we exagerrated about everything( finances, my salary, cooking skills etc) and one of the oft quoted statement was " I don't like people from N,( N people are supposed to be beautiful and also a bit dominating)- the irony is my mother is from there and his family settled at that place from his birth.

sometimes I feel like may be I should have given more time to it or may be I approached in the wrong way or did it happen because I was not able to adjust or compromise or whatever. So, I thought I will just give a few examples of their behavior and expect some thoughtful comments about those scenarios.

Before the enagement -
the things he said about his phd,salary and years of service were at best taken as half truths or creative lies. I noticed before my engagement but kept quite because my parents were fed up searching for an alliance and I correctly assumed that they will downplay it. Predictably they downplayed it when I told them about his lies a month after engagement, by that time I was pretty sure that he was lying ( I was earning a good salary, doing my phd and had more years of service than him, higher designation too). I was prepared to leave my job and find work in bangalore were he lives but I just asked for time till I finish a part of my phd work.
He knew that I had a good job( we were in same profession), but when I told him how good my place of work is he told lies about his workplace. I confronted him about his lies and even after that he lied. I asked my brother to enquire about him through an agency, the reports came that he is a good guy, very affectionate towards sisters etc. My parents also enquired but they said he might have exagerrated for marriage ( he was 33 - I was 30) so dont worry. my mother started all poojas for succesful marriage.



I said we will go ahead with the marriage, but by the time of the marriage my parents also were getting annoyed and there was an argument about whether or not to offer dosas, non veg specially for his friends from work place, their presence for the wedding reception on the eve of the marriage. From the first, his father was annoying everyone - they wanted marriage at their town, my parents said ok. My parents asked for going for engagement - they said no at first but later asked us to perform that too at our relatives place in their town, my parents said everything we are perfoming in your town, so atleast let us have this at our place. so they came grudgingly and they he was insisting for marriage on 1st april, my relatives told we have checked for the marriage halls and all are booked for 1st, so let us have on 31st march. He said no, my father said ok, but the purohit who was setting the dates didn't accept - he was insisting that it was not auspicious for me and not to go for that and then one of my uncles and pacified him to go ahead and decide for 1 st april.
Then came search for marriage hall - my parents aimed for the best hall, it was already booked for that date,so they started looking for other halls. FIL was rejecting everything and over phone told if halls are not available we can have the marriage in the college grounds of one famous college in that town. My parents understood that they wanted a very posh marriage - and that too in the gardens of one of my rich relatives in that town, my parents asked our relatives to inform FIL that we will not be able to afford that much. Then he started insisting that the best hall in that city can be booked by using influence even when it is already booked by somebody else. Finally one of our relative booked a hall, told FIL that an mla's sons marriage was conducted here so whats your problem with this venue. My ex called up and told me - see this one is non ac, the amount you spend for this is same as you spend for the best hall so why not have it there. I didnt know about what is happening at the back - my parents didn't share - so I told him that was not available so my parents decided for this.

One day they asked my parents to come to their home - my father went with a relative they just talked casually, next day again they asked one of our rich uncles to come with us. FIL gave 1 lakh rs and said this is for marriage sarees for the girl, my parents said no need for that but he insisted. But then when my uncle left , he repeatedly told my parents that when my daughter's inlaws gave me one lakh rupees for this purpose, I immediately gave 25,000 back to them for the guys clothes. Next week they came to our house and mil told our relatives told us it is not necessary to give gold to the girl from the boys side, only the girls side has to give the gold. While talking about what to give and how to do - they said it is your wish we dont want anything. One of our relative who was present their told that the thali saradu has to be given by the boys side, they accepted for this. but after 3 months they said we need not have to give and you have to give a gold chain to boy. My mother was at home at that time so she asked one of our relatives to come over, consulted them about how much to give - and accordingly gave 95000 ( for clothes,gold, money for SILs). Later on they told everybody that we took money from them and didnt give anything in return and that 5000 is also an issue. My father that day decided that these people are using us to get close to one of my rich uncle for their real estate business and they are really not interested in us.

what should one understand from this ? What is the general opinion?