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threatened by husband

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Anuradha123321, May 12, 2015.

  1. Anuradha123321

    Anuradha123321 New IL'ite

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    Dear all,
    I am really vexed up with my marital life and writing this post. My husband has never cooperated with me in marital life in any of the matters. Offlate he has gone into the tendency of blackmailing me that he will commit suicide if i dont do things as per his wish. It has become a very big headache for me. I actually want to take divorce because iam unable to live with him and bear the mental torture. I am actually happy during the time he is gone to office. The moment he lands home my hell starts. If i ask for divorce he threatens me that he will commit suicide. Sometimes he behaves like a very mentally unstable fellow. Could someone please advice how to handle this as i want to get out of this relationship and take divorce. What are the legal procedures to handle this kind of scenario. If he really commits out of unstable mind i dont want to get into criminal cases for no fault of mine. Someone pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee help me with a suitable advise.

    thanks and regards
     
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  2. Metamorphic

    Metamorphic Platinum IL'ite

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    Involve parents and hire a lawyer who will guide you through.
     
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  3. PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

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    @Anuradha123321,

    OMG !!!! This is very serious situation. Do not suffer in silence. Those who threaten to commit suicide, never attempt it . It is like a barking dog seldom bites.. He wants to keep you tied to him and this is his valuable weapon.. Do not become submissive..

    But never encourage him to pursue the same since he seems to be mentally immature and instable person who might hurt himself big if not able to kill himself.. Have you conveyed all this to your in laws and parents ?,..If not do so quickly... Keep them in the loop.. Make sure that your in laws do not hold you responsible for any of this madness..

    If possible ask them to stay with you for longer times.. If still he does not behave, it is fine that you safeguard yourself through legal help and if unavoidable go for divorce. In your case that seems a viable and sensible option...

    Take all the help you could get, dear.. Hope you have no children till now .... Even if you have , it is wise only to get separated from a psych like him for yours and your child/children's sake...

    ACT FAST....


    Wish you all the best,


    Regards,

    Pavithra
     
  4. guesshoo

    guesshoo IL Hall of Fame

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    Talking to a lawyer would be a good start. Also I suggest that you remain calm and do things your way without encouraging him by giving his threat any weightage.

    Then talk to your doctor or get some counselling for yourself. Also contact suicide-prevention organisations like Sneha. Your husband sounds unstable; I suppose he needs help but you are not equipped to provide it unless you are a psychiatrist yourself. Talk to someone his close to - his parents, siblings, cousins or friends. Get them to try helping him.

    Figure out a plan and move out of your marriage - You need to ensure that you are not help responsible for an unstable person's actions.
     
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  5. AprilLisa

    AprilLisa Gold IL'ite

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    He is using this for arm twisting you to this relationship. Don't stay there for more. Inform your parents, and find some excuse to go to your parent's place if possible. From there, inform your in-laws that he is doing all these things and scaring you off, you can not return until they all assure you that this will never happen again. Don't return, until he stops these immature and blackmailing ways of getting his way. Involve lawyer if required.
     
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  6. Anuradha123321

    Anuradha123321 New IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the valuable suggestions. I will definitely goto my native and seek a lawyers help. His parents were very negligent, when me and my parents have complained to them. They told us only to pacify my husband instead. Their elder son is also divorced and he is another physco. They are not interested in educating their son that human life is valuable and the question of suicide should never come to mind. Fortunately its been 4 years of our marital life and we dont have kids yet because my husband always had the excuse of office work along with some issues in sexual life. I used to feel bad that we dont have children but now I feel God didnt give me children for my own good. Thank you all for ur valuable suggestions once again because all this while though he used to fight normally, nowadays he has started this habit and i felt very much scared and threatened

    Regards,
    Anuradha
     
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  7. PavithraS

    PavithraS Platinum IL'ite

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    Good that you have decided to help yourself.Hope everything in your life gets settled soon ! But for that to happen ACT FAST and without the knowledge of your husband and his family. Do not worry about being ridiculed by some people for breaking up and all. They will do so even if you continue in this abusive and stressful marriage. First come out of this situation and then enable yourself financially and mentally. Never rule out another shot at marriage.. First did not succeed need not necessarily be deterring you from moving on and embracing a happy life that you deserve..

    Best wishes and prayers,

    Regards,

    Pavithra
     
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  8. tashidelek2002

    tashidelek2002 IL Hall of Fame

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    I would also suggest that you keep a lot of physical distance from your H and if, at any time you do meet, have other people with you in the off chance he tries to do something to himself or to you. Be very circumspect and wary and never give him a situation that can used against you in any way.
     
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  9. sokanasanah

    sokanasanah IL Hall of Fame

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    If you are sure about this, then it's mostly a matter of mechanics isn't it? I agree with most of what the others have said, with some slight rephrasing:

    It is not clear from what you have written whether your husband is merely manipulative or has genuine suicidal tendencies. You are in a better position to judge, but even you cannot be sure.

    First, you have to realize that we cannot be responsible for the choices other people make. If this is hard for you to accept, then seek help from a counselor to make sure that your mind is clear.

    Second, you cannot deal with your marital problems and your husband's instability all in one package, even though one affects the other. When it comes to action, you need to uncouple the two. After a suicide, it is very common for people to think "... if only I had known, maybe I could have done something". Now you do have a hint. Do not deal with this alone. You need to let a few people know the situation - people who may be able to help him and people who will stand by you in your decision to seek a divorce. These are separate classes of well-wishers. You have to figure out who these people might be.

    A good lawyer ought to be your first stop. He will help you figure out where you stand, legally speaking. Then arrange for a separation and let both families know about his instability and potential suicidal tendencies. That way everyone will appreciate the seriousness of the situation and there's some chance that he can get the help he needs. You will know that you did whatever lay in your power. There your 'responsibility' ends, although your affection for the good side of your husband, memories of the good times in your marriage need not.

    Good Luck! :cheers
     
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  10. yellowmango

    yellowmango IL Hall of Fame

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    What nonsense is this?
    How can any one be put behind bars for seeking divorce?
    Op...I suggest you inform the police of his threats and blackmails.Have an official written complaint made.
     
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