Abandoned!

Malar27 · May 5, 2015

Hi,

I don't know where to begin but will be very happy if I can get some advise on this matter.

My husband had abandoned me and left to India. We had been only married for 5 months. It is now 6 months since he left. He is not answering my calls and so are his family members. Infact the last time I called, his younger sister used vulgar words on me.

We are legally registered in India and Malaysia. Our marriage was blessed by both sides. Immediately the next day of the marriage his mother and sister asked about dowry and money & jewels from me. At that point of time I brushed it off as just another casual talk.

I still love my husband. I want to be with him. We have mutually agreed to live and work in Malaysia. He had been working here for about 12years and likes the lifestyle here.

Now, I dont know what to do. How to move about? My parents have tried so many times to call him and his family but not answered.

I believe he still loves me and wants to be with me but is held back by his family.

Seriously, I dont know what to do. What on earth is my status? Im not looking into separation. Who can I turn to? Any specific authorities in Chennai? I feel if i can get to talk to my husband alone, he will come back to me.

Kindly advise as I can't move much from here.

Thanks.

catwalk · May 5, 2015

Sorry to hear that.

Are you a Malaysian Citizen? Is it an arranged marriage ? If it was an arranged marriage, was there any discussion about ''gifts'' that they were expecting? Do they know about your family and your financial background? ( Dowry is prohibited, So in India they cover it with the word ''gift''. )

I also agree with your plan to talk with your DH to resolve the issue. It is the best solution. A third party intervention would be more complicated.

You don't try to fulfill their ''monetary expectations'' and try to save this relationship. It will not last. If they are adamant on dowry, better break this marriage. You may collect maximum evidence ( telephone calls etc ) about their behavior and submit in the court. It is a crime. So the whole family may end up in jail. Another girl's life can also be saved.

In case, if he does not pop up within a reasonable time, you may file a habeas corpus petition at the High court in India to find out your husband.

yellowmango · May 5, 2015

Abandoning is grounds for divorce.
Asking for dowry is a crime.

Op.....your husband is not a child .If he wanted to, he could have called you. If a person won't call back his wife because his family is holding him back...then what good is such a person.

He has no right to leave you hanging like this without a closure. You could file a missing persons report if you can't locate him. If he remarries without divorcing ....then you report him for bigamy(unless he is a muslim)

armummy · May 5, 2015

If he is still Indian citizen you can seek help from Indian embassy to locate your husband . Did you try reaching out at his workplace .?

If you suspect he is trying to get married again , include that in your compliant to embassy. .

you can take out an Ad in newspaper in their local city about he is missing? if you get hold of him try and find reasons for his behavior and decide if you still want to pursue marrige with him .

VanithaSudhir · May 5, 2015

Why would your H leave you if he loves you so much ? There is something more to this. How can he all of a sudden abscond one fine day? Did you both have an argument on anything ? Was yours a love marriage ?
I am not sure about Malaysian laws... but have heard they are stricter than indian laws in terms of dowry harassment or forsaking their wives. However, since you want to reconcile, approach through some common relatives between your families who can talk and find out where your H is hiding.

Malar27 · May 6, 2015

Yes Im a Malaysian. It was a love marriage and agreeable to both families. No such discussions of gifts took place. However, my husband had been asking for money and jewel from second day of the marriage. After that his mother started asking very subtly about dowry system here. My family clarified that there is no such system here. His mother even hit me once and said it is normal for MIL to do that and according to her that shows how much she loves me. I felt strange.

Things were better when his family left to India after a month. My husband was back to his normal self. I believe his mother and sister must have forced him to ask for money. Once he had said that he is frustrated with his families attitude who always asks for money. His mother calls his daily a few times from India. Being the eldest son my husband is very filial to his mother.

I dont have any prove for all this as it was all verbally communicated.

I had gone to embassy and immigration with a missing person complaint 6mths ago. It was from them I got to know that he had left the country and gone to India.

I also filed a missing person complaint to the Indian Police via email. They did went to his mothers place and got hold of him. That was when he finally spoke to me. They held him for questioning. He told me that me complaining to police made the situation worst and he will only come back if I clear his name with the police. He told me that he had to rush to India as his mother was very very ill and he couldnt contact me as he was busy attending to his mother.

I feel very cheated emotionally and mentally. Angry at the same time.

catwalk · May 6, 2015

Malar, Do you really want this man. He was pretending everything.

They might have thought that , being a Malaysian, you would bring fortune for them. If it was true love, he would have come back to you by this time. Instead, they might be preparing for another marriage with his ''Malaysian Returnee'' status. They will definitely hide his marital status. One more cheating and one more victim.

As I said in my previous post, it is not worth to save this marriage by offering money and jewels. Make a decision and move on.

If at all you meet that lady again ( MIL ) and if she beats you for expressing her ''love'' reciprocate in the same way. Say it is Malaysian way of expressing love too.

Sweetgirl123 · May 6, 2015

I wouldn't clear his name with the police. He only could contact you then? Six months?! He is feeling fine with the situation. Do you want a marriage like this? Your feelings about being cheated are valid as hurtful as they are. Would you treat a person you love like this , no one would. The worst thing is probaly lack of closure, he just left and you have to deal with the situation.
I would divorce him and report him to authorities in your country.

Jus · May 7, 2015

As a guy I'm sick of reading messages being abandoned or left coz of dowry.
Why don't some guys stop considering money and respect human life

Its better to forget him and focus on your career or other things that interests.Its tough but this phase shall pass. Its not worth to consider him again by so called gifts as he/his family will keep pushing for gifts again in future.