Born Again

My husband, Late Squadron Leader, was a Helicopter pilot in the Indian Air Force. He died in a mid air collision.I was left a widow at the age of 31. I was six months pregnant with my second baby, my first born, a daughter, was four years and six months old. At that moment, my life definitely resembled a Bollywood masala movie. I reached a decisive point.

I have had people coming up with statements "What will you do now?Widowed at such a young age!!!", "Poor kids, they have lost their father...","She has lost only her husband", "I can understand your grief..." So what if my husband is not physically present with me, will he cease to be my husband since dead? Just because the father is dead, don't my kids have their mother alive?

I have even had media-style questionnaire verbally put up to me (you know, the kind that is asked to grieving people). It included questions like "Do you miss him?", "Do you cry? How much", "How did you feel when you were vested with sudden additional responsibilities?", "Are you planning to marry again?" Do I need to justify and state whether I miss him? Should I use a measuring cup to collect my tears so as to quantify my sorrow? Does his death alone give me a license to marry again? Couldn't I have sought a separation if I had felt the need to remarry? Does continued looking after of my own family mean additional responsibility?

One cannot and should not quantify or categorize Pain. Even if one tries to empathize with an aggrieved person, he or she cannot feel the agony and pain that the former is undergoing. A little bit of respect and support while taking independent decisions are all that is needed. Lucky for me, my familial support (my own and my extended family - work place) that kept me going...

It was amid insensitive questions, curious cats, genuine friends and well meant wishes that I realized one thing about myself. I never wanted to continue in a cliched and predictable role, societal norms notwithstanding. All I wanted was to live with dignity and non-interference. I just wanted to remain "ME". When this realization dawned on me I woke up as if from a trance and looked around. The smiles on my children's face, their innocence, and natural acceptance of the reality in their lives made me feel that I was truly BORN AGAIN. Born again in life. Born again to continue living on my own terms. Born again to renew my spirit to live well. Born again to the truth that I had not married a physical entity, I was married to his soul. And...soulmates never get separated, they remain engraved in each other's existence, whether in this life or after, for eternity...

I am truly glad to be BORN AGAIN!!!!!!!

 

Thank you Maneesh.

Life has been tough but I decided to "Live Life Queen Size" rather than sit and mope for the sake of my children and myself

Lakshmi