My Story

shilpaaug · Apr 24, 2015

Hi Friends,

I am new to this site,But i really want to share my story to you all.

I was married at young age when i was 22years.My marriage was ok for 3 months but i would really never felt from day one that my hubby loves me.i would always crave for his attention from day one.I used to ask him very often do u really love me.Every time was a big yes.One year passed with ups and down.Since ,he was a bussiness person he would be busy whole day and come home at late night.I thought after one baby our understanding level would increase and he would love me.We never understood each other,

When i conceieved i told him the good news he said take your brother and go to hospital i was very much disheartened, and for every check up i used to go alone.He never gave me the warmth.After ,my birth of our son he was not so excited .Till today i dont know the reason.

I decided to move away from him because of his negliciency and my son also had too many health issues everytime i used to take him to consult doctor.He never gave me mental support.

so i just came out of his house twice and decided to take divorce because of elders we again started to stay together but it did not work.

Sad part is in this period of understanding each other i lost my son forever who was 8years all of a sudden,i was mentally disturbed and even then my hubby did not give me mental support which was needed at that time.

We are seprated now.I dont know how i am passing my days without my son.My son was everything to me.He would understand me.His cuddle his kiss his hugs i am missing a lot.

I am 32 years i get scared to lead my life alone.I am scared to get married .Since i had horrible 10 years.Infact till today i have not experienced true love.Does love exist in this worls.All are so selfish,

VanithaSudhir · Apr 24, 2015

Hi Shilpa,

So sorry for your loss. Let God keep your son blissful in his arms.

If I may ask you, what was your DH's reaction to all this ? Is he a person who doesn't express his love or you feel he doesn't love you at all ? or Does he have any other affairs ?

I am not sure why you decided to separate from your husband. Is it an emotional decision since you lost your son? Since he is the father I am sure he must have been equally devastated. I am not asking these questions to make you feel depressed. Just trying to understand the situation. The ILites here will be able to give appropriate suggestions if they know the background better.

My hugs to you and I pray God to give you the peace that you deserve.

gauridinesh · Apr 24, 2015

HUgs to you.
I know how hard it is to cope with the loss of a kid . I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through.
First of all, let go of your quest to find true love. It will happen. You need to get together your life.

Find a job, foray into the world. Pursue your passion if you have been thinking of it.

Let me tell you, there is nothing in this world that can put you down if you dont give permission. Right now, you are in a very sad place. Get out of the self pity. If needed, dont hesitate to get counselling. You have to forgive yourself first and tell yourself that nothing was your fault.

Once you stand on your own feet, you will make friends. You will see the world with a different eyes.
Once you find your own identity, THEN think about the next step. If you are not comfortable to get married, adopt a child. But all this is the NEXT step; First you have to stabilize yourself. Get comfortable in your own skin and build confidence.

All hope is not lost. You are in your prime of life. A set back like this should not pull you down, it should make you strong. Do something for the memory of your son. Think of all the good times you spent and be thankful for the good times that you were blessed with.

I am sure you will get stronger and come out of this. May god bless you with all strength and confidence.

shilpaaug · Apr 24, 2015

Hi!

He had an affair and he was never ready to accept it.

Reason for sepration was he used to hit me and use abusive language which i have never heard.It was not emotional decision.Infact i could never feel concern or love towards me.
He used to talk to one lady daily for 4 hours and when i used to ask him u dont feel like sharing your things with me but u share with her everything so he used to tell me she is my friend.When i said him if she is your friend i never mind but their is a limit for everything.I spoke to that lady too iasked her after 10pm u dont call him he has got his own family she said me who are you to come in between our relation?and you ask your hubby why he calls me.When i said this to him he hit me very badly.

So i decided to move away from this abusive realation.Very much painful relation but still gave many chances .I am very emotinal and soft hearted.I really dont deserve such kind of life.

shilpaaug · Apr 24, 2015

Thank You so much.

I am working and happy with my work.But really difficult to forget my son.Trying to cherish the moments spent with him.

shilpaaug · Apr 24, 2015

Thank You so much for your suggestions your hugs and prayers which is very much in need right now.

VanithaSudhir · Apr 24, 2015

shilpaaug said: ↑

Hi!

He had an affair and he was never ready to accept it.

Reason for sepration was he used to hit me and use abusive language which i have never heard.It was not emotional decision.Infact i could never feel concern or love towards me.
He used to talk to one lady daily for 4 hours and when i used to ask him u dont feel like sharing your things with me but u share with her everything so he used to tell me she is my friend.When i said him if she is your friend i never mind but their is a limit for everything.I spoke to that lady too iasked her after 10pm u dont call him he has got his own family she said me who are you to come in between our relation?and you ask your hubby why he calls me.When i said this to him he hit me very badly.

So i decided to move away from this abusive realation.Very much painful relation but still gave many chances .I am very emotinal and soft hearted.I really dont deserve such kind of life.
Click to expand...

Completely Justified. Even if he had not had an affair.. the domestic abuse is more than sufficient to come out of this relationship.

Forget about him and the past. Sometimes..man proposes..god disposes.
First you have to become independent. Trust me , you are still young. You can start your life all over. Look out for a job. If you feel you need some training to get a job.. start doing that. Meanwhile you can engage yourself in some activities that interest you.

Join some Yoga group or exercise group.
When the body is relaxed, it automatically calms the mind and helps you flush out the unpleasant memories. Make new friends. (good ones). It will help you vent when you feel low and also boost your morale.
Everything is possible. It is only one life. You have to live it to the fullest. You can always come here to this forum if you need more support.

Rin123 · Apr 25, 2015

I am so sorry to read your story shilpa. May god give you courage and strength to overcome this pain. There is nothing bigger than loosing your own child. I am also mother so I understand how it is. Please be strong. You are very young. Start your life fresh. You should marry and have kids. Time heals everything. I will keep you in my prayers. take care

catwalk · Apr 25, 2015

Dear Shilpa,

Sorry to hear your experience...

Believe me, You are not alone... There are thousands like you..Living alone due to various reasons..You just follow your mind / conscience.. Never let anyone to put any kind of pressure..

Invest your time to become independent emotionally and financially..If you are already working / earning, then try to develop more skills ..Do not trust strangers..Do not let anyone to take advantage of your current situation..There any many hunters around right from astrologers / religious leaders to perverts..Be aware of the pitfalls..Do not compare yourself with others..There is no guarantee for anybody's life..So live for today..leave your tomorrow to almighty..

You are still young ..Another marriage is an option too..But you don't need to draw any deadline or put pressure on yourself.. Instead, expand your friends circle at workplace, school /college mates etc.. Be more visible in workplace / family events..Another proposal would naturally take place..Such decisions should be taken at your own pace / by your own..

Hope everything will become OK within a year or so..Don't worry..

lakshmi13 · Apr 25, 2015

@Shilpa

Firstly, hugs to you.... I know it is easier said than done but believe me, this phase too shall pass. Your son wants you to move on in life that is why he gone to God to try and convince you to continue living. There is true love and love will reach you. You need to make a sincere effort in allowing it to enter your life by stopping negative thoughts from entering your mind. You are only 32 years old. Pursue a hobby or volunteer in a playschool whenever you get time. You will feel good. Be assured your son is constantly watching you. If you remain sad and stop living you are only hurting him more. He will come back to you. Just wait and watch...be strong and believe in goodness. You will be at peace.

Always in my prayers