Regarding my Stuff - Need your Suggestions Please

You are clearly counting they things you gave her. Look I dont know how much exchange of love was there, how much emotional favours were there. Yes, you gave her things when everything was rosy, I assume she gave you some happy times as well, now that things turned around, you want everything back. I would say otherwise if things were too big to give away like a property or a car or a huge jewelry, but...

What I am saying is she might have invested majorly in emotions while you invested most of it in materials. Fair enuf!.. but now you CAN get back these things ... Can she?. I think she took them on purpose to compensate.

This is what I say... refering to your info in the post.

 

I am not the OP, and I do not know clearly about his background story... But I am just commenting this investing part of your post above..

How sure you are about OP's wife's emotional investment and a OP's lack of it in their marriage?

All I know and heard is that, in a happy marriage both invest emotionally and physically to please each other to form a strong bonding.
If the discussion is about their happy times, then both must have invested emotionally, and enjoyed the return as marital happiness.

But, divorce happens, that too in a short-lived marriage like this, when there isn't enough emotional investment from both side or one side. Read, OP's statement about physical abuse by his wife.

Further, the initial marital gifts, ticket to your destination and other expenses are not the return gifts of the emotional investment of your spouse. Sometimes gifts are mandatory, sometimes they are given to express your love.

Not necessarily your gifts and love are taken at the right spirit and returned with emotional investment by the spouse.

When OP is clear about his wife's emotional and physical abuse, how come we assume his wife- the abuser in this case-have emotionally invested to this marriage?

Given the fact that we always go with the OP (whether it is posted by a male or female) and do not bother too much about the other side of the story- unless there are triggers to dig it further, I think we must extend the benefit of the doubt to the OP, and go with his thread instead of being biased.

 

As I mentioned, I guessed what I could from the post in general. I dont that his wife must loot him. No one knows anyones 100% senario when they post. I just generally put myself into OPs and the second subjects shoes. Yes, I cannot say its all OPs mistake and cant say if it wasnt his. My opinions was purely on the question of getting back the list of things OP mentioned.

Yup, it was assumptions but I just wanted OP to part decently not focussing on frustations , its for his own peace. If he gets the same peace in returning her hairpins back and getting all of his things back... whos stopping!

 

OP. Your posting and its content is enough to make out the reason for the failure of your marriage. If you marry another girl with your 'accountant' attitude, chances for failure is very high.

''Unconditional love'' is the key in any relationship. We are human. We are born and brought up at different social back grounds. Our genetics are different. So in a marriage, high degree of tolerance is necessary. It comes from unconditional love.

You never loved her. You never thought she is part of your life. You have an ''account book'' for each and every penny you spent.

By asking these material things, you are hurting again her dignity. Do you think that she carries good memoirs by keeping those items in her custody? I don't believe. If I was in her position, I would have thrown all those items to your face before I leave.

 

Nothing personal between you and me... Just that I disagreed with your assumptions.

In general, I see the tendency of extending supports and favor to the affected female OP in this forum. Whereas, if the OP is a male, the same posters defend on behalf of the OP's wife instead being neutral.

Even I don't know the clear story here. In general, it is better if the OP could let go of the things as his mom advised.

No need to defend for OP's wife and judge OP for his statements at this stage of his life.

Cheers

 

I appreciate meaningful debates . Its totally normal we agree or disagree here, no worries. But I always support women for the reason that I am one and that we take so many fearless decissions but treated weak. So when ever I get a situation where I have no info either sides... yeah I support women. But before women, it will always the idea, then women then men :biggrin2:

 

Dear OP,

Think of your wife as someone from the past and move on. You have made your decision and the last thing you need is something that reminds you of your wife and the painful memories. You don't need to bring the past to start a new life. I always believe in KARMA...hope you understand what I am trying to say.

All the best and god bless.

 

@Gig, u back ..

 

I don't know what anyone thinks but who on earth counts food and writes on a forum "food was borne by me". Sorry, I am unable to take the OP's side here

 

The first thing that came to my mind was "thank god the op does not mention children".

i am not going to talk about the marriage or the abuse. it is done. you have decided to part ways and are moving forward.

OP, sometimes, it better to get a clean cut when severing relationships or you will get a lot of things to haunt you later. i do not know if it is just anger fueling your wanting these things back, or it is the value and your struggle to buy them. relax for a few minutes what would getting them back mean to you.

if you really need suggestions, i would say let go on a personal level. is your divorce final. if not wait and see if your ex- returns these back. sometimes even the lady would not want to keep these. i still don't understand the dynamics.

and i hope you are not this calculative and it is the bitterness, the anger and the pain of being framed that is coming across in those, since we are not privy to what happened and what was the basis of your divorce.