distressed..Pls help!!

zub · Mar 9, 2015

Me and my husband were married for 9 years now and my son is 6 years. We were living in the US till now. Due to hell lot of differences between me and husband we are now on the verge of splitting. My husband forcibly brought me to India to avoid the expenses he will have to bear in the US for divorce since India is easy to divorce. My son is having ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and he was undergoing therapies for same in the US. Now my husband has enrolled him for therapies in India too. I have an engineering degree but I couldn’t work in the US in the beginning due to visa problems and later due to health issues (I was diagnosed with cancer). So overall I couldn’t work all this time in the US. But I do have green card.

Now since we are in India right now my husband has left me penniless since all the money matters and bank accounts he used to handle in the US. He never used to share any money related matters and never used to tell me how much he has in his banks. He also bought two properties in India and kept me away from all the dealings. Now he wants divorce and is NOT ready to give me anything. My in-laws harassed and abused me to hell when I was living with them. Moreover he wants to share joint custody of my son so that even I should take care of my son but I should earn on my own. And my son is now with him during the weekdays and on weekends he comes to me. My husband threatens me every now and then he would also take my kid away from me.

I have this severe situation going on about my green card. If I don’t go back within 6 months then my green card will be void. I don’t know how to maintain my PR status looking to the present situation. I have such a big career gap but still I can survive if I go back to US. And there’s just 1.5 years left for taking citizenship. I have my siblings there.

I am just in a fix as to what to do here?? The judicial system of India takes years...the lawyers are not much of help here in India....Any suggestions are welcomed…pls help!!

ivlakshmi · Mar 10, 2015

Feeling extremely bad about your situation. I would say try to take help of siblings if they are helping kind go back to US and retain your green card status. There are many in India who are keeping fake experience in US.
It is your husbands headache to give u divorce but not yours. Do not talk to him. Sometimes distance too would change people.
Do some course here in India and try to get a job thr in US. You can also try some part time jobs in US.

zub · Mar 10, 2015

Thank you so much for your response ivlakshmi...I can go back to US anytime now but I am thinking of my 6-yr old kid who has ADHD...my husband tries his level best to make my kid stay with him and not me..I get to see my kid only on weekends...
My husband won't allow me to take my son to US...if the matter goes to court then he will try his level best to obtain a joint custody so that even I should be equally responsible to take care of my kid.

In the US my siblings will be extremely helpful and they can even help me take up some studies or course so that i can get a job and be on my feet. I don't know how to solve the problem for my kid??

VanithaSudhir · Mar 11, 2015

Zub,

So sorry to hear about your situation. My first concern is. How is your health now ? Is your cancer treated ?
I appreciate that your husband is taking care of your son. Is there any strong reason that he wants a divorce from you ? Because if it just some domestic issues, I am sure it can be resolved and need not go to the extent of divorce.
If you come back to the U.S. You need to search for a job.. (Since you have a gap in employment, it may take time).. Your siblings might help you initially accommodating you etc...but eventually you cannot be a burden to them. You need to Look after your son alone and also take care of your health.
You can start doing some courses in India now itself instead of wasting time and also keep looking out for opportunities in the U.S from India itself. I am not sure about the judicial custody laws for your son or whether the law can prevent you from going to a different country .A qualified lawyer can help you.
Is your son born in the U.S ? I mean is he a U.S citizen ? If yes, I guess your husband cannot stop him from coming to the U.S.

I hope you get good suggestions from other ILites in this forum.

zub · Mar 11, 2015

Thank you vanithasudhir for your response..my cancer is treated and I am well now thank you for asking.

our matter has gone to extremes now and I don't think it can be resolved..even if i compromise, go back and stay with my husband he and his parents will treat me mere slave (a maid) and nothing else because that's how they were treating me earlier..my husband knows that I am not well so I have become useless for him now and that's how he's shown in his behaviors so far. He degraded and abused me so much in front of his parents stating that how I have become useless because of cancer and how I cannot get any job now.. There are many other things he said that I cannot discuss on this forum...

My son is a US citizen and I just want to know if I take my son to US will he create any problems for me here in India or US?

I know siblings would be initially helpful and I am ready to face any battle now.
If anybody knows of any good lawyer in India pls do help me out with the contact.
This forum has helped so many ladies and I hope I can find some sound advice here.

VanithaSudhir · Mar 11, 2015

Good to hear that your cancer is treated.

And very sorry again to hear your husband's behavior towards you.
Let me bounce your post to some senior ILites, so that your post gets noticed and you get good suggestions.

@laks09, @shanvy, @sgbv, @rihanna, @sdiva20, @butterflyice. Please help

sdiva20 · Mar 11, 2015

@Zub,

So sorry to hear of you situation. Your best bet is to comeback to US if you hope for any justice. If you come back and not have a job, you dont have to worry as your husband will be entitled to support you until and after divorce and provide alimony and child support. If he has a decent job, you will get a big chunk of what he earns (there are different rules for different states) but I know you will not be destitute. You can then think of getting back to your feet and get a job. with a GC, you do have so many more options too.

Please for your own sake and sake of your son, come back to US and consult a divorce attorney. If you stay back in India and violate the GC rules, it will be harder. There is a reason your husband took you back. He know he can get away with all this in India.

Shanvy · Mar 11, 2015

@vanithasudhir thanks for the tag..but i have no ideas other than what i have learnt reading after joining il about US.

@zub the best thing i personally believe is getting back to the us and not lose that window you have. it would really help your son. keeping continuity of the treatment.

Keet · Mar 11, 2015

You don't have to bring your son now. But make a short trip/s to keep your green card. Learn/improve skills for a job while in India. Wait and see for sometime how it goes.

In case if you want to use US laws to get financial support after divorce, will you be able to make it to a flight with your son? If yes you can bring back him to US and your H should follow you if he wants his son.

In case if your H doubts you, you could do that and had already taken any legal measures it is going to be bit difficult for you to bring him here. Once your son is in US, law will protect him as he is a citizen. In India parents can override his US citizenship since he is a minor. If you doubt your husband is alert that you might take your son to US, do some ground work on your H side as well as legally. Talk to someone on his side to know what he is up to, how he would react if you bring back your son to US, has he already taken any measures legally to keep your son in India etc. Based on that get legal advise how you can make to a flight.

butterflyice · Mar 11, 2015

OP, I do hope you are better now.

Please ask your siblings in US to consult an attorney and get legal advice with respect to your son's custody and getting financial support from your husband. AFAIK you are entitled to get alimony, but do not know the legal ramifications.

Do get back to US so you don't lose your greencard status and seek your siblings' help.

@Vanithasudhir, thanks for tagging me