Any chance of remarriage? Feeling hopeless!!

Please have self confidence and self respect. You should have just walked away when he started talking like that and should have stopped all contact with him.

Also, looks like you are trying very hard to get remarried. Live it on God. Things will fall in place when it is right time. Make sure you mention your status clearly before hand.

I know at least 3 girls who have remarried. i also know 3 girls who have never married and two girls who never remarried after their husband passed away (the husbands passed away in early 30s).

So live your life. If marriage happens, that's fine, if it doesn't it is equally fine. Involve in some volunteering work besides your office work. This will give you some perspective in life and who knows you may meet someone with similar interest and qualities. God Bless you dear. Now cheer up. Its not worth to even have a second though on such horrible individuals. Consider yourself lucky that you got to see his true colors before committing further.

 

It sounds like you need to expand your circle past wherever you are coming across these men (whether that's from online, a university, work or community). Take a break to process and let go of these negative feelings you're having and please don't let this prick (or any other douchebag) make a difference in how you perceive yourself or your self worth.

This just goes to show that you never truly know someone until you know them deeply enough as you witnessed first hand. People are good at projecting an image to the world, to their friends, and to their families. Then there's this completely different side you get to know of them when you're considering them as a partner. I've come across guys who seemed smart, ambitious, mature and righteous only to find that they carried incredible egos and double standards. They mistake themselves to be god's gift to the world, and especially to women. shakehead

Even if things didn't go as you would've liked them to and even if you were met with hostility, please remember that you did the right thing by being transparent about your past. He clearly wasn't there for your best interests otherwise after his shock had subsided, he would have appreciated you being honest with him and for how difficult it must have been for you to open up to him about that.

My only other suggestion would be that the future, if you do find yourself at a place where you feel the need to confide your past to someone you're starting to feel serious about, just let them know that you've had a rough past which involved an abusive marriage but after giving it every effort and chance, you found the strength to end it and find happiness for yourself. I want you to be very confident and not feel like you owe too many details or explanations when you deliver this to someone because people like this douchbag you encountered will pick up on any sense of "I deserved it" or "I'm less than worthy because of x, y, z" and play on those insecurities.

And this is where you need to be thankful about witnessing his reaction and dodging a bullet. In fact, had i been in your shoes, I would've been very tempted to say "Okay, so this is why you're single" because OP, can you imagine any woman being happily married to a man who believes men alone are entitled to happiness, that they can treat women however, and still be granted second chances? He was no man, OP, and please don't let his opinions represent the opinions of all other "indian men" because not all men are like that. Can you imagine a man like this being a father?

I've witnessed a few folks who had troubled first marriages, but they focused on themselves and found happiness in their second marriage. Two of these were south-asian ladies who found a wonderful, loyal and loving indian partner (who had not married before). It doesn't matter if the guy has never been married, or a divorcee....what matters is the attitude he has towards you, how supportive and accepting he is of you and how respectful he is towards women in general.

And please, for the love of god, don't taint the word friendship by calling this man your friend. He was anything but. He was only taking advantage by playing with your emotions and feelings of vulnerability. The day you let men like him know that you're not sorry about your past and what he mistakingly perceives as "failures," is the day he stops using it to exploit you. His behavior only goes to show that he is not a man, but a selfish coward, that can face nor embrace the realities of the world nor care about others. You did not fail, OP. You were dealt a tough experience that you tried to work with, but were strong and determined enough to come out of it. Be happy you did that and don't let that ever be labeled "a weakness" when it is, in fact, opposite.

Be glad he's out of your life. Next time you encounter someone like him, remove him from your life immediately. You don't need people like that. Indian society is evolving and not all men are so shallow. If you let people use your past against you, they will. The key is to accept your past, accept you did what you had to do, and that you tried your best to do the right things. You have nothing to feel sorry about and you won't settle for anything less than what you deserve...which is happiness and love. I'd encourage you to find love and happiness in yourself first without depending on anyone else to bring it to you. Then over time, should you find someone who's invested in your happiness and loves you for who you are, you'll know that this person is willing to accept you and embrace you exactly the way you are and not let your past define you.

For the time being, focus on yourself and if this man continues to bother you, I would consider taking legal action against him (as guesswho rightly suggested)...especially if he genuinely believes himself to be "so above it all" and treats other women like this.

 

Dear divyanka555,


I am sailing in the same boat as yours. I am meeting guys like this as well. Met someone who looked so genuinely interested in me. When i tried to tell about my Ex-husband, all that he said was, " you dont have to tell me anything as i dont want you to remember the pain u had gone through". Those words really touched me and i believed in him..... I trusted that he cared so much for me... Turned out otherwise... He started pulling up fights for nothing at all and started keeping away.... Once it happened that i asked him why he was doing so, All that he had to say was, he dosent care... He said he dint want to know my past, cause he dint care what happened to me.......... It hurt me more than anything....
I am losing hope too..
Having read few of the replies here... looks like there is hope...but i definitely have to meet few guys who are geniune to have the hopes built more...

 

Looks like that jerk's head is damaged.. after all PhD stands for "partial head damage"... There's an inspiring story in this forum written by an IITian who escaped from an abusive marriage and now has a wonderful second marriage.

Your BF is using you and even if you do marry that fellow (God forbid), he will be worse than your 1st husband, you will be nothing more than a door mat.. He's playing you psychologically, sapping away your confidence.. get away from that idiot ASAP..

 

Hi divyanaka555,

What your boyfriend has said is crap and I think he was trying to use you.All society is having good and bad people in it. Unfortunately you have met only the bad guys. But you haven't fallen pry for his pressure.

As others have said you will be happily married.Have faith.All the best.friendssmiley

 

Dear @divyanka555 ,

The two persons whom you met do not appear in any way representing the modern 'Marriage Market' in India. Good you did not fall for them.

The fact that you could not understand the nature of this last guy in one or two meetings, and losing your self confidence on the basis of his words makes me sympathise with your innocence and inability to judge people.

Be smart and shrewd in understanding and judging people more so at this stage of your life.

Having said this, I strongly recommend you to go to the websites

Bharat matrimony.com and
Shaadi.com. There are hundreds of choices with numerous options.
There are even so many well settled Indian guys settled abroad and looking for a good partner.

Choose carefully.

Give priority to your language, culture, economic equality, location and men with proven achievement and positive attitude in life.

Short list, get in touch. Be bold in telling you are a divorcee even at the time of registering in the website.. There are any number of good men, searching for a woman, who would be their devoted intelligent loving understanding partner in life.

With your attitude and qualification, surely you will find your life partner.

Move on with care avoiding sharks. If need be take a second opinion from a matured well wisher of you.

Best of luck. Share your success story soon with IL:wave

 

((Hugs))
I was in your position. Go through my old threads if you have time.A divorcee from short lived abusive marriage and I thought that world will be kind to me because of the struggles I have gone through. No in realistic world most people think you as personal failure. This made me realise who are your real friends and relatives.
First of all you need lot of love and self respect.You need to be strong and cut down anyone who looks you down because of marital status. I'm happily remarried now. It took me two plus years to find my husband.But I met lot of crooks on the way. Be careful most of the men you meet will try to take advantage of you and will not be ready for marriage.
I suggest take a matrimonial website or searching via known people route. It's bit tough to find someone right but not impossible. Be sure of what you want in your future husband.
Take it easy you are still in late twenties. Concentrate more on career, hobbies. Love and marriage will fall in place at right time. All the best.

 

May be this does not target your problem but parable to understand the context, just get going in life, you will meet someone when you are ready. The more complete you are , the more complete (here judicious, supportive & wise) man you will meet!

Here is the parable, it is a children's book called "Missing Piece finds Big O" by Shel Silverstein. Or watch the 6 min animation here. Analyse and think cool! Don't spend too much time on pieces that don't fit! You will find someone you can roll beside, mind roll beside (beautiful analogy)! As I mentioned this does not address your problem but when you are trying to be "complete", you will be less inclined to inspect the incompatibility between "accommodating O" who were never meant for you to begin with. Watch the video!

 

Op...the jerk is older than you and not yet financially settled. I bet he suffered from some super inferiority complex around you and pounced on you when he found a loop hole he could use. I guess he thought this was the only way(by making you feel inferior) he could get to sleep with some as gorgeous as you.

The way he talked about your abuser ex...don't be surprised if he is also one in the making...he just hasn't had the opportunity yet. He did try with you. Good you did not give in to his creepy ways.Next time you meet his kind...let them know you are too classy for their kinds.

 

I agree with YM. acc to you, that guy has it all plus single not divorced like you then how come he is still not married if he is such a catch. There is something wrong with him -- as you found out it is his attitude. So why are you taking his words so seriously?

secondly maybe you are not ready to hear this mentally but there are much worse things than not being married. Such as a bad marriage, a dominating controlling husband, a psycho bil,a crazy fil...etc. I am way older than you and I have friends who are single even now, some because they never found the right person and others because their relationships fizzled out but they are quite happy, busy, actively involved with their lives, jobs, pursuits hobbies etc. much happier than us married lot who are tied down with child/family responsibilities and forced to put many things on hold.

Try to be happy with yourself. Do things that make you happy. That is the main goal. Take this as an opportunity to do whatever you want, take off on a whim, be answerable to no one, make your decisions, purchase and enjoy things of your own choice, pursue that hobby that you have been meaning to get around to for forever etc. The rest will fall in place. If marriage happens it will and if it doesnt you will still be happy.