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Divorce Impact on child

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by priyanka12345, Jan 30, 2015.

  1. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    yeah I understand what you say. This is the reason I am still living in this hell.
    My husband is good dad and takes care of my son's needs as well.

    AS a result i had decided to stay away from his part of family ( ILS and SIL) which causes tension for us. I also accepted that he will never be nice to my side of family ( parents and brother).

    But now he is trying to take my son away from me by telling bad things about me. like look mom unnecessarily scolds you. if i say no to chocolate he will purposefully give him, he says mom is not letting him come to take my son from daycare, mom unnecessarily makes you get ready early etc . if i tell him to share toys with neighbor girl, he will tell my son., the girl also does not share so you also don't etc .

    so he purposely tries to negate whatever I say or do. I know 3 year old is small to analyze this but when he grows what will be result. My son first time stayed away from me for 2 days for SIL wedding and he started telling me mom i dont need you. you go will come later etc.

    my husband feels he is always right and i am at fault always. my intentions are wrong etc etc ..how am I to trust a person who
    1) got close to girl and now denies there was anything wrong in it.
    2) expects i should forget all this closeness in one go and be normal
    3) FIL insulted me but he does not agree
    4) he did not add my name in home for my security
    5) now he has changed the nominee of insurance policy ( to his mom ) since 1 month and has not even told me yet
    6) his parents have no where communicated to me about what his son did was wrong but blamed me for his deeds , questioning my sexual relation with him.
    7) he never stood up for me since 3 years after pregnancy.
    8) he threatens me he will take son to ILs place for days .


    So till now i am trying hard to adjust and stay calm/composed but I am not sure how much i will be able to do so when i get the fear of my son going away from me .
    My son is my only hope to live. I want to live for him to give him a good education and life and I am capable of doing that with my current job.

    Thats the reason I fear the most about my son being taken away from me and i being left alone .
     
  2. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    Too many people divorced because of inlaws. You both can be happy if you both keep your respective parents out of it. Very simple really. You guys are living in the rear view mirror. Focus on the future. Your parents are in the past.

    It should be ok if he doesn't share your respect and devotion for your family and vice versa. Try to keep your communications to the non-problem issues until you repair your relationship.
     
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  3. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    Yes am keeping my parents out of my life. I have accepted that he wont behave well with them. I will visit them when I can.
    He has to realise this that ILs and me cannot stay together under one roof henceforth. and accept it.
    else its gonna be a problem :(


     
  4. steve

    steve Platinum IL'ite

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    See if you can have a dialog away from home in a public place so there won't be any temper tantrums. Your situation is complicated. Renting/owning two places (one for parents and one for self) is a hard proposition for many in Mumbai.

    To answer your question very simply, when all else has not worked to your happiness, you should not postpone seeking divorce esp if you plan to remarry/date soon. That way you are still young/youthful (relatively) and the child is still small and will be able to adopt to a new person in the family. But if you are not so inclined and are in a state of mind not to allow another to get close to you, try harder to make this work.

    Good luck!
     
  5. priyanka12345

    priyanka12345 Silver IL'ite

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    They have 2 homes. One is for redevelopment. and one 2.5 BHK in prime locality which is my husband's. My husband has taken loan and parents gave some 7 lakhs for it and added their name to this flat.

    so nothing is impossible. they can very well sell this flat and buy two 1 bhk flats. I am ready to live i nrented home as well and his parents stay in this flat.
    Right now we are in pune in rented flat but he keeps pressurising to go to ILs place, behave well, threatens to take son alone.
    He does not accept he did mistake of going close to a girl as well. All this has taken a toll on me.
    If it was only me then i wOuld have taken divorce anytime. but i am just concerened abt my son. he grows up and tells me i did wrong then ?
    what will he go through etc.

    but then i feel why I am the only one who is so concerened abt my son. why is not my husband keen to do soemthing for us? not asking more but to stay seperate. may be even in same complex and accept things cannot be normal for atleast some years with ILs
    It seems like the bridge is drowning and I am trying to hold it single handedly whereas husband is making all attempts to kick that bridge.


     
  6. Brevity

    Brevity Gold IL'ite

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    Re: Divorce Impact on v

    Have a discussion with your husband if possible in the presence of a child psychologist or marriage counsellor. If your husband really cares for the well being of your child he should not bad mouth about the child's mother to him. tell your husband that you may not see eye to eye with him on many things. But when it comes to your son's well being you will not back off. It is **important** for his mental health and happiness that he knows that both his parents love him and care for him. Differences between you both should not cost the child his mother's or father's love whether you stay together or not.
     
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  7. sindmani

    sindmani Platinum IL'ite

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    Please consider taking ur dh for counselling.
     
  8. StrongLady

    StrongLady Silver IL'ite

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    Dear OP

    A mother might get the main custody of child but after divorce even father will have right to take them anywhere. In Fact u cannot even discusd with him abt aking anywhere at all.
    so in case u think of separation ur relation with ur son will spoil more. because ur husband will get more thibgs to say bad and more idle time with him.
    U might find a better life paether but don't know abt ur son.

    It's silly of ur hubby to tell bad to ur child abt u. I agree u might be getting frustrated but trust me kidd are too smart. It will not be too late for ur child to understand his dad. So ignore that part.

    U might not like ILS but to accompany ur son go to their house. Never send him alone. Say u both cannot be separated.



     

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