how do you guys over come the anger,rage,depression

Dear Flyingsparks,

All your feeling are quite normal at this stage. You have shown courage to take divorce and you need more courage to deal with this situation. Need more mental strength that we never imagined that we need in our life.
Recovering after divorce is not an easy task. It's totally depends on you and nobody else. You get lot of support from family or friends but it's all you that can bring you out of depression.
The very first thing you need to do is stop thinking about that guy who ruined your life. Stop responding to calls or mails (if you are receiving ) . Block him totally.
And Forget about your belongings that are with him. Let me give you simple example . Myself I left 13 years of my stuff (belongings) left with my ex and stopped thinking about them. It's tough .But gone is gone. Need to start a life without him so don't need any past memories also. If you think about them it raises anger. Forget and start new life.
More you think about past the more you are hurting yourself. Find alternates to keep you busy. I am not sure about your work status but if you have any interest like music or crafts or ...anything , keep busy yourself with those activities.
Exercise or Yoga will help you to keep you active .
Find a way yourself to come out. The more you stop thinking the soon you get well.

If you need any help, you can post your doubts here. There are lot of ladies on IL that will give you good suggestions and which will really give you strength to come out of current situation.

All the best and believe in GOD.

Note: Sorry if I am repeating any of suggestions in my reply. I have not read all replies. Whenever I read such post I feel like react immediately (Busy single mom :roll: )

 

Hello flyingsparks, ...

So the inevitable happened and you have the divorced tag now. The good thing is you get to start your life from scratch and keep your self esteem intact.

I remember from your earlier posts that you did try enough to save your marriage but it ended in a way you hoped it wouldn't.

All said and done, here is what I did. I was in exactly the same situation 2 years back. When my divorce came through I was heart broken, depressed, very low on self esteem and my confidence was shattered big time.

With all the drama and the accusations that preceded the hearings in court (after 5 years of separation) left me a broken man .. with absolutely no will to live. I thought several several times that this is it, I am a failure and I wont recover.

To add to that trauma my professional life suffered too. Office politics, denial of promotion, and stagnation virtually killed me.

All that I could do was cry when alone, and hope life would be better someday.
I would try my best and divert my mind and attention towards sports, news, current affairs. I started reading a bit and attending church activities. I made sure I didn't visit any of the social networking sites.

My close friend, my parents, my sibling all worked tirelessly to get me out of the depression that I was in. I wont say, I have recovered 100%, since I suffer from occasional depressing days, but it is a lot better, than the day I thought it was no use living.

You have a profession, you have parents to live for and you have a opportunity set things right. There would several other qualities in you, which other individuals do not have, so there is plenty in life to live for and have a new beginning.

One thing, I must mention, the fear of living alone, let me tell you that will never happen, 3 years down the line, come back to your post and read them, and you will have your baby in your arms and it will reinforce that you have moved on in life.

Being divorced is not a crime, being single is not a crime, what matters is how you choose to live your life with the abilities that God has given you.

All this pain is temporary, it will not last, your attitude will ....

Coming back to my own story, I got married again, have another daughter now, and am pulling myself back up. A promotion came through, and life has not been better.

So come on ..... buck up ....

 

Mine might sound like some unapproved alternate therary banned in 11 countries but how about:

• Incorporate tinny changes in your daily life, go to a different store you usually shop, not that pink socks, try pin-striped purple, take a different road, embrace as many changes as possible and you may realize that voila! I'm still alive, kicking and surviving, divorce is only a change , a change for the better just like every other mutation in life.
• Be extremely competitive — I deserve the best not because I'm the best but I've in to me to strive for the best, do you've it?
• There's no feeling more wrenching than "regret", regret of mourning more than its share of time and space. Cry, break some china, and go back to your candy crush routine. The only distant distraught one day will be regret of having mourned when life turned out to be more than okay-ish.
• Don't vent too much, the more you talk about it the stronger the memory is imprinted. Try not to talk or think about it for few days even when friends ask "what happened", "can't remember much, surely something must have happened". You can't chafe a wound and expect it to heal. Relief in venting, then go back to it.
• Company, company, O'dear you need to have good company of friends, they either break or make you. Go and grab some new friends you never know you still have not met your BBF.
• Mark today and look at the entry , one month from now, you may love that 'hate and rage' that made a different *you*.
• Remember, divorce/or any breakup will remain as a fact longer but as a feeling shorter life-span.
• Very few get the opty to re-evalute life, you better make the best out of this to re-arrange your life. Trust me there is nothing like a bump at times to upgrade that survival manual kit.
• I met some amazing women who did few amazing things, singing clean bandits anthem "If you gave me a chance Id take it, shot in the dark but I'll make it". I really have goosebumps when I see or meet such people.
• You stopped believing in Santa and Easter Bunny but hold on to that happily-ever-after for some more time, a reason why it was excluded from "Rise of the Guardians" (nah! not factitious enough)

 

Exercise...it will boost your pheremone levels and cheer you up and help you deal with stress...also try taking L-Tyrosine.

A better body and health will improve your confidence and your happiness.

Get out of the house!! Go to church or the library, somewhere where you are around people.

Set a regular schedule....up at 7am and bed by 9pm.

As for your personal items, file a small claims suit against your ex-husband. It wont cost much and he will lose automatically if he refuses to show to court. Then you can put a lien on his property.

Some states allow you to break and enter if you are retrieving your own property, but research that part first....but you may be able to go kick in his door and get your items back. If nothing else, appear on his doorstep with your divorce paperwork and tell him to return the items...if he refuses, call the police. But you will have to document what is yours.

you should be able to drive if you have insurance and a license...they are giving them to illegals now..so why wouldnt they give you one?

Stay strong and, over time, you will begin to feel better. Dont let despair crowd in on you.

Many churches have someone with whom you can speak about your troubles, and it should be free.

God Bless you and keep you.

 

I remember you wrote to me few years back about your problems. I read your post right now and was shocked to hear what you have been through. Buckle up my dear, buckle up. You deserve better than this. You are a doctor, get that in your head. Work towards your residency and then get a good paying job. Everything will fall in place after that. I know you are traumatized, your love was never appreciated. I can understand what you are going through, I really can. But you need to go forward. This was a dark chapter in your life. Just close the chapter now. Plan a future. Only you can do it! And you can!

Come and talk to us anytime. We are there to pep you. But this time take your fate in your hands and start from scratch. Sending you lots of best wishes,

--Bubai

 

Dear Flyingsparks,

I am not going to sympathize with you as it aggravate your emotions and I am here to applaud your decision to move on with your life getting out of a bad marriage.

Thoughts - It is difficult to remove the hurting thoughts as it keeps coming again and again giving several different emotions and therefore, keep your mind occupied all the time through constant good company, reading some motivational books, meditative techniques, drink more water assuming you are washing down all the ill reactions inside of you.

Anger/Rage - It is purely a reactionary emotion towards an action that is unacceptable from someone you trusted the most or an overwhelming emotion that self-criticize for being in that position. Neither of that is good. You being a medical professional, please read some anger management book and try to overcome that as quickly as possible as it hurts you more than your spouse.

Depression - This is caused by feeling of worthlessness as though one is ashamed of the situation she is in. It is your confidence, self-control and ambition that brought you this far in your life and you should get them back again. The only way to overcome depression is to encourage emotions that makes you feel very good. Do somethings that makes you feel very good and dwell on those great actions.

Loneliness - It is okay to feel lonely especially after a divorce. But don't let that lonely feeling to make you a person who believes that you are not fit to get along with others. Make more friends and prove yourself that you deserve company.

Boredom - Keep yourself occupied all the time with some actions packed with excitement to overcome the boredom. Break the barrier of boredom with lovely thoughts of bright future ahead of you. Spend the time visualizing that this divorce has given you a whole new life to do things that you have never done before and allowed you to break free from restraints.

Vengeance - Frankly, this is the hardest part to overcome. The only way you can overcome this emotion is by forgiving yourself for being in that position and feel good about the new opportunities that opens up for you. Objectively retain only the lessons learned out of the married life but not the emotions associated with it. If possible, overwhelm yourself with self appreciation for finding those issues quickly so that you have not wasted more years.

Guilt/Shame - Frankly, these two emotions are responsible for depression. Frankly, there is nothing to be ashamed of and you have done a courageous act of standing for your rights. There is no guilt involved in it. Don't worry about the perception of people around you or how successful other marriages are but focus on your ability to handle a difficult situation with courage. Most of the time, guilt is irrational association of the situation we are in to our own actions. Convince yourself that you are not responsible for the circumstances you face and there is no need for feeling guilty.

Worry for your parents - The only way you can make them feel good is to get out of the mindset your are in and show them that you are totally out of your depression. They like to see you happy and anything you do to show you are happy would make them happy as well.

Fear of living alone - This is very normal for someone who has been married and divorced. You are a medical professional and you have the responsibility of changing the life of so many patients in your life. Keep yourself occupied more intensely in your profession and spend that extra time with the patients and make them feel happy. If possible and if you like animals, have a small pet that could give you great company.

The fact that you wrote here asking for tips itself shows your commitment to overcome the ordeal as quickly as possible. My best wishes to you.

Viswa

 

*Hi @Flyingsparks
Don't worry as you are free now
Even I will sleep at 4 am and wake up at 11.30 am
Here are some ways to overcome your anger,rage,depression
1.Try to make some friends,who are like you.Adopt a child,if you like to,because having a child at home is a good way to forget all your anger and rage.Your suicidal thoughts won't be there if you think that there is only you to look after the child
2.To prevent wild dreams,place a packet of udi of shirdi sai baba under the pillow and put some of on you face or neck and try to sleep
3.Don't feel sad or cry.When you feel like crying and think that he wants you to cry and he as got it
Hope this help you
Regards,
Sahana

 

Recite Gayathri Mantra, this will make you mentally strong

 

It should be read by men but not women