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thinking of being single for the rest of my life

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by soulhappy, Dec 25, 2014.

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  1. soulhappy

    soulhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Dear friends,
    I am a very traditional and conservative person and unfortunately I find it difficult to be in my marriage. I believe marriage requires compromise but in my marriage I got abused for silly issues. Plus I don't think my husband or his parents will take responsibility and agree their mistakes. And I don't have energy for all the dramas that will happen. I don't understand why men have to control their wives and treat women badly. My psychiatrist told me that indian culture allows it. But I never saw DV in my parents relationship or extended family. But mine was the worst and I really don't know why I put up with this. I have made up my mind and am stubborn to stay single for the rest of my life. I don't want even a relationship. I have taken a spiritual path and looking to find happiness in myself through yoga, mediatation and practicing mindfulness. am planning to letting things go and am working on improving my confidence and self esteem. I know unless my husband or in laws don't seek therapy or agree to their mistakes , they are going to suffer for the rest of their lives. All his family members started advising me that I should know how to tackle him and all that- when these people cannot bring him up properly- they expect the DIL to handle him. I don't understand this concept.
    A child's formative years will mould him and if parents cannot bring a single son properly and spoilt him by pampering him for wrong reasons and they expect a DIL to put up with his abuses.

    How self centered they are?
    I don't want a marriage or any relationship anymore and I hate the attitude of people illtreating or discriminating Newcomers in the family. I am happy with my parents. I rather concentrate on my profession and am sure I will be content being single. I need to live my life peacefully rather than being sucked in to these dramas. Plz wish me well ILS.
     
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  2. Awife

    Awife Bronze IL'ite

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    What are your plans after retirement from work? After you become 50 or 60 + yrs old? how will u spend rest of your life?


    I am nobody to tell this but I feel spiritual path should be taken when a person really wants to go on that path and NOT because a person wants to run away from other problems.

    Many a times, I have also felt the same way like you. :(
     
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  3. CrayoNess

    CrayoNess Platinum IL'ite

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    Npw it is important that you get out and recover from your experiences. Later in life you may find love and a good relationship but focus now on building your own life. Put effort in your career and financials, build a beautiful own home, nurture your relationships with your friends and family.
     
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  4. soulhappy

    soulhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you so much for the replies. I am going for counselling to build my confidence and self esteem and heal myself. I will get back to my old self and forget about this relationship. It may take years . But am sure your wellwishes and prayers are with me. thank you so much for the support ILS. I will be alright.
     
  5. onlineguide

    onlineguide New IL'ite

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    OP - Analysis

    I can say in your case you don't to build up your self confident, I can see you are a strong women and has the power to make things happen.

    The problem here, You took a decission and you need to be on it that is the best thing to do and only few people succeed in doing so. But the concern is you are taking your life in a wrong direction.

    Which is you would not allow any other relationships to happen and you would take a spiritual path.

    With your First concept I have heard a saying "Don't make promises when you are happy & don't take discussions when you are angry" ... The exit door of a room always leads you to a place which is a new beginning of a room or the area or a place. So wait and make your self buzy in your life and your friends and family till you are struck with a person whom you feel to be Mr Perfect. But i would suggest do make any Terms and Condition just like which you faced in your previous life. And for the mistake of one person we should not make everyone else to pay back. So give your life a chance. We all make bad decisions for an eg " if you went out to a restaurant and they served bad would would you stop going to a restaurant to have food, No You will try another restaurant its simple as that.

    For for your second statement I can say taking a spiritual path, Understand the true meaning of life : " Life means Balancing" What is that, We all are here to life our life and for some reason so you need to be do your work. Balancing your life in both the ways spiritually and worldly the person who does that is a successful person. coz he stays in this world making others happy and following the path of God.

    Well I only shared my views coz I felt that you are leading to a path which will be the most difficult that is the path of Loneliness. And I apologize if i have said anything rude.

    Thanks
     
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  6. Aleprabhu

    Aleprabhu New IL'ite

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    Hi awife,

    I hope you are doing good, and happy new year! I support sadwoman on her decision, noone has rights to make women feel down of treat her with unrespect. If you are facing the same issue, please go to a priest in your community and search for spiritual support. Life is a gift, and because of a bitter man will make your life so terrible. For taking the decision to live alone, you need to be brave and have support if possible from family members.

    My advice for every girl in this forum is, don't be in an abusive relationship, and not, Indian culture does not allow to treat women down, junk people does.
     
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  7. Rise

    Rise Platinum IL'ite

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    there are good men too... hope you find one of them.... :)
     
  8. soulhappy

    soulhappy Silver IL'ite

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    Thank you all for the replies. I have lot of things in my life. I would inform to you, if we are surrounded by loving family, there is no need for a partner. By being spiritual and religious is being with good morals and values and be content. I would suggest people to listen to a new earth by Eckhart tolle. That is a purpose of mankind. Marriage is something society has made and people follow the norms of the society. Thank you so much for your valuable suggestions. Happy newyear..
     
  9. Jazmine83

    Jazmine83 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi OP,

    I personally think the whole concept that marriage gives you happiness and fulfillment is a bagof lies.

    If marriage is not for you, don't do it. When people ask questions like what will you do after 60...I mean there is no guarantee your spouse will be alive, forget about kids these days. Invest on yourself and save up...you will have a rocking retirement life and be the cool aunt to the kids.

    I have an aunt like that. Was in an abusive marriage, left the guy, adopted a boy and is full of energy. I enjoy talking to her and she is in india btw and is a well respected dermatologist.

    Marriage does not make one happy. Being happy and content with yourself and having the financial security and being surrounded by loved ones is what make life memorable. We all want to love and be loved. Why love just one person? plently of love to give everyone <3
     
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  10. nb25

    nb25 Gold IL'ite

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    Your strength and maturity is admirable. All the best for your journey ahead! :)
     
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