thinking of being single for the rest of my life

Beingmyself · Jan 9, 2015

Your post remind me of myself 10 years back.This is a very normal feeling people go through during separation. Its ok if you want to be alone the rest of your life. Utilize and focus the time and energy in developing yourself. I am speaking from my personal experience. It has been 10 years that I had been out of a painful and traumatic marriage, worst phase of my life. When I look back I feel these years has been the most learning years of my life. My marriage and divorce are the biggest blow but it has also made me the independent, strong and better person I am today. I also very much think in the same line that “live my life peacefully rather than being sucked in to these dramas”. It is not easy to stay alone but it is also not impossible. All the best wishes for your life. God bless you.

soulhappy · Jan 27, 2015

Thank you very much friends. I just want to stay away from these people so that I don't get involved in all the stupid dramas. I will be relieved as I don't have the energy to get involved in dramas for silly issues. Life is something God has given us and we should try to make us happy with what we have and make others around us happy. I literally lived a drama free life before I got married. Maturity doesnot come with age and unfortunately some of my inlaws are very immature. I am not passing judgements but I believe they need to grow up. If you are happy and content with minimal things, that makes you mature. If you run after money and look down upon others who have less money and make moral judgements based on self discipline, it makes you less of a human being. Plus small things get blown out of proportion especially with my FIL,MIL and husband. I am appalled by their insensitivity and immaturity. Am not saying am flawless. Am not passing judgements. I indeed feel sorry for them as they don't know to live life. They make themselves miserable plus cause misery to others. I believe people need to grow up and look at their faults before judging or commenting on others.

soulhappy · Jan 27, 2015

Thank you so much Jasmine

I agree with you and I admire your aunty for having a liberal outlook . I know her generation would be different and it takes a lot of courage for a woman to get out. [
I appreciate her and am glad that she is a great aunt to you and I can see the love and respect you have for her. Your aunty will be great rolemodel for women who are facing abuse in their marriage. Thank you for encouraging me..

QUOTE=Jazmine83;3469030]Hi OP,

I personally think the whole concept that marriage gives you happiness and fulfillment is a bagof lies.

If marriage is not for you, don't do it. When people ask questions like what will you do after 60...I mean there is no guarantee your spouse will be alive, forget about kids these days. Invest on yourself and save up...you will have a rocking retirement life and be the cool aunt to the kids.

I have an aunt like that. Was in an abusive marriage, left the guy, adopted a boy and is full of energy. I enjoy talking to her and she is in india btw and is a well respected dermatologist.

Marriage does not make one happy. Being happy and content with yourself and having the financial security and being surrounded by loved ones is what make life memorable. We all want to love and be loved. Why love just one person? plently of love to give everyone <3[/QUOTE]

kewlgirl · Feb 4, 2015

Hello SadWoman,

This is my first post and apologies if it is not proper.
I relate to your situation and what you are going through.

I would like to share my personal experience if it helps explain what I am going to say. I went through a lot in my marriage and was taking antidepressants after being suicidal. My parents, relatives and all my friends ( basically every person I knew on the planet who knew my situation ) advised me to stick on to the marriage for keeping up family status society and all that crap. I was very unhappy.
One fine day, I couldnt take it any more and left the guy. Looking back now, I wonder why I didnt do it sooner. The day I left him, I felt a big weight lift of my shoulder and felt so peaceful and calm. It took me one year to get rid of the frustration and anger of the marriage. It took me another year to find my identity. All these years I hated men and despise the very thought of relationship and marriage.
Time is a great healer and I have healed and dont feel the anger, frustration anymore ( not completely but 90% ). I have now opened my mind very cautiously to the thought and idea of another relationship. I dont know what the future holds for me but will tread on my own terms of standing up for my rights, dignity and respect.

What I am trying to say is this....
(1) no one else can decide for you whether you want to stay in a marriage or not... you know what you have been through and what you are going through and you have to take care of yourself. Take your decision and go ahead, irrespective of what people say. It is worth mentioning, that the road ahead might be lonely and tough or may be not that bad, but prepare for the least comfortable scenario.

(2) Dont decide so early on what you want in life. You can choose a path from deciding to be single or not, but dont decide so early and set it in stone.
Live in the present according to your own terms, enjoy the present and see where life leads you. Dont set anything in stone, as life always tends to have twists and turns, not to mention surprises..

Hope this helps.

All the best in your life !
- kewlgirl