Am i being Naive---Please advise

likhitha2025 · Oct 12, 2014

Hello Ladies,

I have been going through emotional turmoil and have been looking for advise,

I am married for 8 years now with a 3 year old kid,It was an arranged marriage,In 8 yrs of marriage we stayed together for only 5years as part of career and masters we were seperate,It was an arranged marriage and actually i built my career and education after marriage.

I studies abraod on loan and then till i got a job my husband supported me and he is the only son,The age difference between us is 7yrs,he is a very good person but has allot of attitude and always abuses shouts if something is not good on his terms,sometimes he gets physical when we bot run our mouths equally,he also has a habit of driniking every weekend twice a week and whenever he feels like on weekdays,he doesnt change his habit,But my problem is i dont love him,there is so much incompatibiity between us and no spark,i was not ready for this marriage,my parents were not financially sound and my father was not a responsible person,my mom brought us up so she kind of forcedme into it,he is boring and lazy nd fat and does not have any intrest in life to do anything,all he does is eats,watches tv and sleeps and drinks,he is not romantic nor smart nor humurous,frankly i do not have intrest in staying with him,i want to go out and live life on my own terms,fall in love again and amrry a person who can respect me for who i am and not think that the life i have got is becos of him and him alone,which i dont deny but there is a thing called self respect,

Please advise

Thanks

kanthtx · Oct 15, 2014

i dont think u r being naive...

u kind of have started realizing what u need in ur life and trying to achieve that.. well every one has one life and u dont want to miss happiness in life...

but before u want to jump out of the relation, make a list of all the things that u have done or can be done to improve ur relation ship...
talk to him, motivate him, educate him... etc

if u have done everything and nothing works,.. try Marraige councelling...

if u think all of this is waste ... then make sure u r financially independent and have confidence to support ur child and then move out..

dont be afraid or scared on what u need... no one else in the world will provide u, the things u need, except u... u shud know what makes u happy and try to get that...

but caution every marriage has DULL phases... where u will miss the spark... it is upto the couple to realize and do something to retrigger it... u need to communicate discuss and build on it... and what happens if u dont find that spark in ur future mate, will u again divorce him..

so do wat ever u can to fix the relation.. if u cannot then divorce and move on.. at the end of the day, to be happy is the purpose of life... not waste it in misery and sorrow...

Iamagoodgirl · Oct 16, 2014

Calculate how much he has spent on you approximately and return it to him.
You can bring back spark in marriage if it was there initially. If there wasn't any you can't bring it back.
How much your daughter is attach to her father?
You need to think about her too.
Have you ever talked with husband.May be he feel trapped too?

omnam · Oct 18, 2014

Try to come to real world.
U said Ur dad was irresponsible..u have seen ur mom struggle. If u r irresponsible wife and mom imagine struggle of ur husband and kiddo.

Sit calmly and evaluate what you need in this marriage. Don't say u want to walk out of this marriage. Life s not easy outside. First u shd make urself for not to walk out of marriage. Talk to ur husband openly. May be u can start with some ground rules no verbal and no physical abuse.
Find out differences between u...think if its correct. If its than work on it...if he wrong in pointing ...talk to him..justify urself. Don't scream. How about a dinner outside or weekend in resort or small holiday! Of course no drinks in front of baby.
I feel both of u just need a loving person... If u initiate.. I m sure he would take a next step.

He seems to be responsible guy...he made to study abroad instead of giving u kiddos immediately after marriage and make u sit back at home. He trusted u at least for that u shd work on this marriage.he made u study to be independent but not to live independent from him. Don't misuse him.