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alimony expectations

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by rojarani, Sep 18, 2014.

  1. rojarani

    rojarani New IL'ite

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    Hai indusladies friends,


    Im no all of our family members r really toooo tensed considering my brothers marriage issue and health is taking toll on my parents.....

    my brother is married to a girl who has no father(he died when she was 1 year old) ,has mother 1 twin sister who is divorced with her husband within 6 months dont know the details of her and a brother...marriage was done by brothers wife's maternal uncles....and the told that after marriage we r not responsible.....anyway we didnt take any dowry in cash they gave like 8 thulas of gold on the girl....even my parents put jewellery of 12 thulas for girl in marriage ceremony....we expected the girl to take care of my brother for cooking etc...etc..as she has no father she will be very good with us..we kept servant maid for household chores too they stay away from hometown in city as my brother is software engineer....

    from day 1 she used to complain some or the other health problems...she never used to cook for my brother just eating outside parcels that to my brother has to bring for her,.....most of the time on ond off she used to go her hometown that too we have to take her to her house and bring her back....we thought she will adjust ....but her behaviour became so horrible that she is shouting at my brother before evrybody...my brother got irked and anyway she wanted to go back to her place for rest asusual so we slowly dropped her there...and came back to my parents he is has opted work-from-home so now after dropping her in may to her place as she said in august her mother called us and asked why u didnt came and pick her we told we want to talk to u about her behaviour if ur interested about ur daughters life u come to our place we will talk........but they r not at all responding....

    anyway my brother is deciding to get from her as she seems to be very dangerous if anyhow she wont return she will be life threatening for whole family.....

    point r like
    1..they got married in 2012 december....
    2.their marriage is not yer certified..only its done like normal wedding with traditions with priests
    3. in 1year 9 months of marriage she was almost 10 months at her moms place
    4.we feel as her sister is also divorced she is planning to take divorce and ask for alimony from my brother as he is an softwre engineer..

    but before that plz people if anybody has idea how to deal this situation as marriage is not certified ...is there anything we can go ahead with escaping alimony....as she harrased my brother mentally ...can we put a case before itself....or shall we wait till she asks for divorce ? who should step first?

    please nowadays situation is like this that boys r suffering much than girls as laws r considering girls rights as girls r misusing a lot....

    waiting for ur suggestions ladies..
    thank you.
     
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  2. kanthtx

    kanthtx Gold IL'ite

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    ur brothr shud take the first step in filing for divorce and then seek counsel from a lawyer on what his financial resp is and also protect himself from prosecution...

    but it should be ur brothers call whether he wants to divorce her or not.. u and ur family shud have no say in it... it is his life and a grown man shud decide for himself if he wants to be married or not...
     
  3. maddysweet

    maddysweet Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Roja,

    I dont think she has intentions to take divorce. If she had then she would have expressed about divorce. did she ever tell your brother that she want to separate?

    Being a sibling to divorcee doesnt mean she also want to do same. Infact might try to avoid.
    breaking a marriage and coming to conclusion to separate doesnt take much time but once breakup there will be even more problems to deal with. explain that to your brother.

    No father in family so no one to guide them
    Mother sounds a very irresponsible lady and since no husband, she relying on daughters for emotional support and thus she keeps asking daughter to come stay with her.
    Sister divorce who herself couldn't handle her marriage so definitely wont give any good suggestions to the sister.

    But there are not major problems for which your brother should take divorce. YOU SAID YOUR BROTHER THINKS SHE is threat to family.she dont even have a father so what damage can she do to you.

    To me clearly shows girl is childish and immature, but not cruel and danger for your brother to take divorce.
    He might definetely be disspointed but tell him slowly things will change.

    She shouted on your bro which is bad but tell him to teach her slowly about how to behave.
    Its very bad of her mom keeping daughter at her place and not sending.
    and what a stupid formality that husband should come and take. why cant the girl just come home. tell her mother that going forward she should come and go.

    stop your brother from hurrying in taking decisions.

    1. you as a friend ask girl, what are her problems with your brother. They might look trivial but work on them. ask your brother to make those small adjustments.
    2. let her not cook and ask your bro to get food for her. Now a days many ladies are turning lazy to cook. but ask her once in 2 days, to cook a special item for him to learn recipe online. she will slowly learn cooking.
    3.tell your bro if he want to take divorce. whats his future plan, whats the guarantee that second marriage girl will be good. and the process of visiting courts, divorce, lawyer fees, the scare of alimony etc are all very painful.
    4.If the mother is not coming your house, you guys just go2 their house. It shows your responsible good intentions to get back the DIL and their bad behavior of keeping daughter for more than 3 months for no valid reason.

    Still if your brother opts to for for divorce here are some things:
    1. there is 498a, and even if there is no physical abuse etc, some people might suggest the girl to put that case on your brother.
    2. they will start thinking abt all false aligations on your brother and i heard 2-3 case in friends where girl blames boy of impotency. they defame in all ways and it gets tough for 2nd marriage.
    3.They will ask alimony. so first thing contact lawyer and tell all details. GATHER PROOFS ABT HER BEHAVIOR ABT SCOLDING your brother etc. ASK your brother to send her emails instead of phone to come back and when she reply not coming. Gather all them as emails in case when they ask for alimony, you can show them.


     
    Last edited: Sep 23, 2014
    3 people like this.
  4. ramya1979

    ramya1979 Bronze IL'ite

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    When Some one complain about the problem.The first and formost thing our friends suggest is Divorce. Is it only the solution?.

    She grown up in the family, where no one was take care of her and at least give ample time to adjust in your family. Try to understand the mental condition of her and take her to doctors.

    Not cooking and shouting at your brother causes for divorce?. How many times, husbands promise to come home early and take out for shopping and delayed because of Work pressure . Does this cause for fights and lead to divorce?. Ulitmately, he is working for the family.

    Check her health condition. may be she is in depression or thyroid or hemoglobin level are low, which causes/disturbs normal life. After all , she is part of your family and cant leave her like that.

    Going to her home town may be because of home sick or no one are caring her.

    Apart from your brother complain about her..Did ever checked with the maid or any other about her behavior at home. The same problem can be explained by two different people in two different ways.

    Ultimately, divorce is definitely not a solution. If these petty issues need divorce, we need more lawyers compared more docs /engrs to save us.
     
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  5. hopefullylucky

    hopefullylucky Junior IL'ite

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    What has happened to our indian society? Where are the family values. Doesn't a sister shout at her brother or vice-versa. Do they disown each other legally. Why divorce comes up in the mind immediately for any petty issue at family level. Why don't elders in the family take initiative to stop any misunderstandings. Why the inlaws are always a step ahead to suggest divorce.
     
  6. docathome

    docathome Gold IL'ite

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    This is not your family issue for ul all to gang up against your brother's wife.. It is an issue between your brother n his wife.. He needs to man up n deal with it as much as she needs to.. Instead of interfering and getting her family involved with divorce discussions, it would be better if you encourage your brother n his wife to meet a trained marriage counsellor who doesn't have anything to gain by encouraging an unnecessary divorce.
    most women have some difficulty in transition from a carefree girl into a responsible wife like most men n the solution to it is not divorce.. She does not have a good role model or father figure.. These are things ul knew before the wedding.. So obviously it would take some time for her to adjust.. Staying for extended periods at her moms place is not right but that àgain is an issue between her n her husband, not the rest of the extended families..
    With both families trying to blame each other n unnecessary exchange of harsh words, ul wil only embitter both of them further.. I understand you want to protect your brother's interests but you need to understand that he is now a man responsible for decisions which affect his life.. Encourage him to speak to her, get COUNSELLING and then decide what would be the best for both of them. Ultimately he alone is gonna face the consequences.. All the best..
     
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  7. coolgal123

    coolgal123 Platinum IL'ite

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    I have found out 3 main problems from ur post...
    1. She doesn't cook - there needs to be 3 meals at home....all 3 meals coming from hotel????or something is cooked at home too...if yes who is doing that? Who is taking care of tea,coffee etc??
    2. She shouts at ur bro-how frequently it happens...u just told one incident that ur bro get late from office and she shouted....of course it was very immature...
    3. She visits to her mother frequently and ur bro drops her n pick her- Now when ur bro doesn't want her to goto mother's house then why he himself drops her?? Did anyone talk to ur Sil regarding her frequent visit to her mother....if yes then what did she say why she needs to go thr???

    From ur post it doesn't look like that there is any need for divorce....or ur sil wants divorce....it's just plain immaturity from her side...
     

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