What is meant by emotional bonding???

Hello Friends,
Priya back..Hope all the Il new my story.
When I discussed my issue with elders they said that emotional bonding and attraction weren’t there, that would have helped us to face many issues.

I really don’t know what they are taking about; Coz our love life was smooth (think he dint have any concerns). Then were goes the attraction between us?
Since he dint show any concerns I felt that he is happy in love life. Read in many books that generally guys wont mess up sex and life.

In my case there is lack of trust.That I can build up but emotional bonding and attraction??? Am totally confused. Plz help..

Hi Priya,

I don't think I read ur earlier post, but I could probably make u understand that ur confusion is something that all go through!
There is a big difference betw. initial yrs. of marriage and thereafter.
Initially the physical attraction plays a big role, and it stems into great sex life probably. But somewhere along the way, that takes a back seat, and we have bigger issues and concerns to address. Now is the time for the test of the relationship! Probably, during the initial stages u/he were not able to form a strong mental and emotional bond inspite of a great love life, and that showed during laster stages.
A marriage even when arranged, slowly grows as u get to know each other. Trust, understanding, and the rest follow with each day of getting to know each other. And based on this u get emotionally attached. U start caring for how he feels, and he will start caring for how u feel. The initial mechanical (but good) lovelife, turns into something more meaningful. And from this caring for each other comes emotional bonding and attraction ( initially it is more physical, but a few mths. or yrs. down the line, the attraction is usually for the kind of person u each are).
End of the day, all these words look good in writing, but putting them to practise lies in the hands of each individual, coz each one of has a different personality, and each one percieves life in a different light.

Hi Rajpriya,

It was the same said by my Inlaws ,when I asked them to excuse me if their is any faults but they said that nothing is in our hands and also complained that I did not win their sons heart.At that I was really surprised and confused by their sentences what they mean.They even said that they can count on their fingers that how many times I had sex with their son of all 16 months, by this i was really killed by myself.

I can say onething that relations start to drain up when their is a lack of trust on each other,having more expectations on others,thinking that dh will understand his mistakes(but I think we cant beat their ego,as my dh was really egoistic on peaks),not caring eachother.

The only way is try to build up trust on you by the people,and this is only possible through comunication(Which I dont have properly,I used to love my dh but I was lacking words to express it and their only showed my negative side).Try to meet people whom your dh trusts or talk by your self but dont talk to all because I have experienced people saying all unnecessary things which hurts u more.

So dont loose your spirit, try your best.Hope this helps u a little bit.

Dreamgirl.

Dear ANK,
Many thanks for ur valuable info, got clarified the doubts which was killing me for about a year.

Dear Dreamgirl,
Well-said Dream girl my in-laws also said the same that I dint win his heart!!!

We both expected a lot from each other and that never turned up so got frustrated.
I have spoken to many people but net result is zero.As u said they al started spreading their own stories.
He is constantly saying that cant work out this relationship. But I have realized my part and ready to fx it, with single hand cant do anything.

Still I love him,whole heartedly have tried my level best to make him understand my side and asked apologies many times. But he such an egoistic person not even giving me a chance.

Still am waiting for him that b’coz having a guilty feeling that 90% of mistake is mine.
Now my only belief is GOD ..Thatz all to say.

Rajpriya

Rajpriya,
I think you should get over the guilt first. Marriage is between two people and it is the responsibility of two people to work it out. Sometimes, if the other person just does nt want to try, then all the excuses keep popping out. As the saying goes "loosers give excuses, while winners work!!".
All the parents of Indian guys that suppot their son while blaming the DIL are big time loosers and so are their sons. If a person (be it a man or woman) cannot work with another person to solve the problem, the least they should do is ackowledge and move on. Blaming the other person just shows their weakness.
Anyway, stay brave......marriage is just one part of life and not the life.
Get a grip on yourselves and move on.

Dear drjp,
Thanks a lot for ur postitive hope.

Well said that “marriage is just one part of life and not the life".
But my parents are effected a lot coz of marriage since itz an arranged marriage they are feeling guilty.

Now I have started consoling and trying to be happy in front of them, so they are feeling better now.

Rajpriya,

It is very important that you remain happy, then only your parents will be happy.

They must have done all possible enquiries before marriage but it is just fate that sometimes things take time to work out.

Also, in front of your husband, you have to maintain your identity and not let him take you for granted.