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Single mom and responsibility

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by Ujju, Sep 12, 2014.

  1. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

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    you are right. I am trying my best not to miss him other person role in his life but it's really tough . But no choice. At one time I feel very depressed with the pressure and other time I see that I have a goal and that is my child.
    Now I reached a stage where I am not worried about relatives. Believe it or not , my case went to extent just because of relative entertained by my situation. Nobody helped to fix the issue .It was like a TV serial for them and I put a full stop to that.
    Finally I am ON...work like Ever Ready battery ....will see where life takes me.
     
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  2. Rajapriya

    Rajapriya New IL'ite

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    If he started to live with other women then it is really bad. I dont know why he did that to you , since I dont know the issue between you two and what made him to do so - I will skip judging who is right.

    Coming to you kid , I feel sorry for him but same time he is lucky that you are here to take care of him . I will not fooling around to get your likes - in reality no mom or dad can replace other. You cant be 100% dad and he cant be 100% mom - thats the truth. Raise him with love , tell him the truth when he reaches a proper age. Dont raise him complaing about your ex-husband but raise him with your love. He will have effects on trusting relationsips so try to focus how to build it . I would say take him to other family gathering it will make him realize that good relations do exists and he will also realize how much you effort you are putting to raise him.

    In this social media world any one can research what ever they want. So tell the truth when the time comes (when he is matured) if not he might hate you when he comes to know something on his own.

    If you are planning to be a single mom for ever then its good to win his heart , if you planning to marry someone you might risk your relationship with your son.

    Sorry if my words hurt , its just what I feel . I feel this forum is not to agree with what ever forum poster says , I feel as a public we need to give opinions that will make your life good.
     
  3. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ujju,

    I m also single mother. But only difference s that my lo never lived with her father. And we had different situation. Life seems tough but it is right choice. When u r dilemma.. Just close ur eyes and think what's correct decision and have guts feeling over it and move on.
    Please take ur son to some counselling and let him talk to doc their. He should grow up to be a happy kiddo and good man. Put him some hobby classes, involve him in some sports. Things will be fine.
    All the best.
     
  4. omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi ujju,

    U dont hBd to justify ur decision of walking out of ur marriage here. He lives with another women thats more than enough. Not sure what makes ppl behave like judges when someone tell problems here.
     
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  5. Ujju

    Ujju Senior IL'ite

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    Thank you Omnam. You are absolutely correct. That one reason is enough to take tough decisions. One can understand that pain only if they go through.
    Anyway This thread is not judging or hurting others feelings . It is to support single parents . Give them positive energy to keep moving. I know they are dedicated parents but sometimes they need support . Might need ideas because they are alone.
    I appreciate all the people posting their suggestions/ideas and sharing their story.
     
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  6. anjuanju

    anjuanju Bronze IL'ite

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    Ujju,

    My hugs to you. And I really appreciate the way that you handled and the courage that you have now to face it. I think it is easy to be in USA than in India for both u and your kid.

    Anju
     
  7. vanitha23

    vanitha23 New IL'ite

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    Be courageous single parent is not a issue lot of single parent adopting a child to make their life happier

    vanitha

     
  8. vanitha23

    vanitha23 New IL'ite

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    If you feel lonely or something get engaged with your child and seng dyour child new activities that you missed in your early life. Do not talk more about your bad life and your husband. Set a goal for your child and forget every thing. GOD bless you.

    vanitha
     
  9. mohamed32

    mohamed32 New IL'ite

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    HI Ujju...

    U r very brave to take this step..be it a man or woman in a divorced couple one of them will be innocent...even i m divorced as far as myself concerned it gave me pace when i m divorced..something kept irritating me stopped finally and its very calm everywhere..but for ur child this divorce of u may gve a lonely life but u hav saved him from a disturbed life...be happy for that..nw he ll grow knowing the value of women and he ll treat the woman n his life with respect..

    hope u have a better future

    mohamed
     
  10. Kulfee

    Kulfee New IL'ite

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    Dear Ujju,

    From the bottom of my heart, I believe that you are one of the bravest women out there. As women, we do go into marriages full of hope and I am so sorry that you've had your hopes crushed. And you make me (maybe even the rest of woman-kind) proud that you chose to stay and fight to keep your relationship alive for twelve long years. You are the best!

    My mother stayed for far longer than you and couldn't leave. Finally, he left. I can tell you that it has taken a toll on her. And I am sure it has taken a toll on you. You must take care of yourself. Our brains change in accordance with who we are in touch with. You've been in an abusive relationship for twelve years and your brain HAS changed. You need to reverse the negative effects. You must take some time to make some good friends. Engage in hobbies and activities that you/your son like. Travel. Eat exotic food. Be happy :)

    About your son...I understand he's eight. What kind of child is he?
    I won't say much for fear of saying too much. Here are some books that will help you raise your son:
    Running on Empty by Jonice Webb
    Building Better Families by Matthew Kelly

    Boys are a little bit different from girls. In my experience, most place high importance on friends and will not come home for sound advice...so your son's environment matters. Make it a point to KNOW who he is spending his time with and what effect they are having on him. You have to teach him to identify healthy from unhealthy. Develop a set of values, goals, rules that the two of you will always abide by. He should know...this is what we are, here is where we are going.

    I remember my mother was very soft on my brother because he lost his father. But he took her for granted. So, understand what your child is and what he isn't. Do have him understand that his actions will have consequences (positive/negative).

    Children need role models of the same gender. You must have him visit a male psychologist of your approval at regular intervals. A coach of sorts. Someone threw in the idea of sports. Sports are good: they teach kids how to win and lose. And how to work in teams and take orders.

    Feel free to PM if you need anything :)

    Thanks for reading.

    Best,
    Kulfee

     
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