Divorced and dating a younger guy

Jazmine83 · Jun 18, 2014

Hi,

I am a divorcee and I am 30. I was married for 4 years. My marriage ended after I found out my ex was having an affair with a married women at work. Coming out ofthe marriage helped me a lot. I am happier and healthier now.

I have been dating one my friend who is 3 years younger to me and never married. He has seen me go through a tough time in previous marriage. He told his parents about me..they basically said NO. This was 4 months back...but we are still together and he has clearly told me that his parents will eventually understand. He drops my name once in a while when he is talking to them. All his friends and my friends and our common friends are supporting us. It all sounds good....but deep inside I am really scared. My mom is not very happy, she warned me I will have to compromise a lot in life in terms of the in-laws.

But I love the guy and I am willing to get hurt. Am I being too hopeful

Denni · Jun 18, 2014

Hi Jazmine,

What has your BF planned for your future?....is he going to wait till his parents approve your relationship with their son?. How committed is he about the whole relationship?

He is much younger than you and that is my worry. Are you sure this is not just an infatuation for him? Being in love and getting married is not the same. He must know what he is getting into. I mean....say like you guys get married.....will he stand by you and support you in case his parents don't accept you?

nuss · Jun 18, 2014

When we hit 30, 3 years younger or older isn't really a big difference . My best friend is married to a man 8 years younger than her and they have been happily married for 7 years and have 2 beautiful kids. If your BF really loves you, age and divorce won't matter. He is right, parents would be fine once he takes the step and stand by his decision and ofcourse by you.
Good luck!

Laks09 · Jun 18, 2014

Age is just a number. It's the maturity of the person that counts. A man at 30 and a woman at 30 are anyway not at the same maturity level. When we got married my DH was still not as mature as me and I was younger. If you are both really serious about each other, then don't add artificial constraints to your relationship. Even if you were younger the inlaws would have created trouble because of your marital status. If the guy is with you and willing to stay on your side then go ahead. Since you already have had a bad experience, I'm sure you are going to be very cautious this tiem around. If red flags do show up in this relationship, just err on the side of caution and get out before getting committed.

aabcii · Jun 18, 2014

age doesnt counts any value in life all is the understanding and respecting others .. the maturity and care one can give each other always .. so if the new BF really wants to continue then should end with a marriage else can make him a good friend but friendship also got many boundaries to limit

god2014 · Jun 18, 2014

As friends have mentioned here age is a number, don't jump into conclusions before you start anything.. Just because you love the guy it doesn't mean you should compromise and get hurt. See the love in him, feel it, also see if he has the maturity to handle things, your are not too old to adjust , you too would have lots of dreams so share those, see the understanding quotient between you. In-laws Also matters try to win them atleast gain their support. Today for love if you tell OK tomorrow you must never come back here to vent about your in-laws. So Both of you talk lots understand take it forward. Age merely a number, if your guy is really the man for you you would win him. Your life so think don't begin compromise or ready to get hurt terms please.

SGBV · Jun 18, 2014

Just because you are older and your marital status is divorced, doesn't mean you must compromise everything and be prepared to get hurt in this marriage. While it is unavoidable to feel low at times and compromise for the ones we love, it must be done wholeheartedly and not forcefully.

Take your time to see whether this guy is genuine and really in love with you. Consider every red flags that comes on your way before you switch the green light. Because it is your second chance in life. Do not waste it.

pantu · Jun 19, 2014

Younger guy is not a problem. He loves you ,that is what you should think .Consider his actions whether they are genuine or not .

anika987 · Jun 19, 2014

\I understand u.U r looking for true love and u r in a very vulnerable stage.

I appreciate ur current bf that he has the guts to tell his parents about u

Although the brutal truth is there is a very high chance his parents may never accept or be happy.

U have to decide. urs and his happiness or think about his parents.
one of u guys will get hurt.

From a parents point of view..it is quite tough to accept this situation as they will also be having dreams for their son.
But at the same time true love is important.age does not matter as long as u guys are compatible with each other.

The hurt is not just urs but also for the parents right?

this is the real scenario.u have to decide which one u want.

Noone is wrong from either end.u have every right to be happy and u r an inncocent victim because of ur ex.I am actually angry with ur ex...

Hmm..in a nutshell..someone has to get hurt for other's happiness.U decide which is better and go for it.It is totally ok.be strong.god bless

Good luck dear

Jazmine83 · Jun 20, 2014

Thanks for the reply guys!

My BF is saying even if his parents disagree that he will proceed with a future with me. Because he says he cannot accept the reasons for their oppostion. We live in the US. His parents in India.

I think I am worried, because already his parents are blaming me for brain washing him. They were even ready to make a trip to my native to fight with my parents. But they did not. Cause my BF told them clearly that he was one who proposed me and not the other way around. I am just nervous about all the drama

The weird thing, his mom met me long time back and she was very supportive and said no can blame me coming out of the marriage and there are lot of families who are open in accepting divorcees. But she forgot to mention that she is not one among them