Venting out

anjuanju · May 31, 2014

Hi,

I just wanted vent out here to lessen my pain. Last month my Husband (don’t even want to say like that ) sent an e-mail that he loves me so much and every single day he is thinking that I will understand and come back to him and he never wanted to divorce and so on. He mentioned that he was writing that e-mail with so much pain inside him as loves me a lot.

Next day he came home to return my belongings. Saw him almost after nearly 3 years .gave my stuff and leaving. I too did not talk. Came back in two mins again and said he wants to talk to me. Discussed for about just less than 2 hrs(you did this and you did that and so on ..) no progress.

After 3 or 4 days he called and we had talk and said he will be good to me and so on(almost agreed that he will not repeat what he did previously and will take good care of me and never hurts me or involve his parents or sisters in our marital life). but he asked my parents to talk to his parents and say that we misinterpreted them and and we wanted to compromise. But he asked me to not tell that he asked us to do that. I thought that he has to convince his parents to stay with me and it may become easy for him to convince. So I said ok as he is said he will look after me well and does not repeat that he did previously.

He said , he will talk to his parents and then tell at what time we have to speak to his parents and uncle. after 4 to 5 days when I called him, he said he still needs to talk to his parents on this. Then after a week again he called me and said that ask your parents to talk to my parents. What are you waiting for? when I said that said you told me that you will tell me when to talk so waiting for that. he said just go ahead and to talk to our parents , I will not tell my parents about this.
Next day when I called him to tell that I will ask my parents to talk to his parents, he did not lift the phone. So I texted the same.

Next day he sent an e-mail saying that he can not stay with a nd does nptw ant to see my face and don’t want to talk to me on phone. I did not reply. It was his decision even after explaning every thing clearly many times after I left him.( I think he was expecting me to ask him to stay with me, o that he can put all his terms and conditions, which I did not do )

After 2 days, he again texted me saying he loved me so much ,but I spoiled his life. I did not reply to that as I really got angry with his actions .when I texted a week later saying how he troubled me , he did not reply. I don’t want to text him again when I am depressed or stressed. So I am sharing with you all. we will get divorce legally in a month .hope God and IL will help me in my future journey . by sharing it with you now, I have controlled myself to not text him. I will try not think of my past with him this week end.

Thanks you for bearing me.
Anju

FromMars · May 31, 2014

Let God give you the courage to stay strong and come out of this ordeal unscathed.

You have taken your first steps towards your happiness. Don't look behind and keep moving forward.

anika987 · May 31, 2014

I do not know what made u guys really opt for divorce but from what u wrote I feel u still have a soft corner for ur husband and willing to compromise.u seem like a good person and I respect that.

However,U have to decide based on what happ btw u guys and if it is worth the compromise.If hubby is basically a good person but is egoistic,I believe the divorce can be avoided.However,if he is not worth it (u analyse) please do not compromise.It is better to live alone that a life with total depression and stress..

God be with u!

yellowmango · May 31, 2014

Stay away from this cheating,wife beater.

HeartHealer · Jun 1, 2014

Hi Anju,

I know it's a really hard time for you. It gets tougher day by day when you get to hear your husband speaking negative about you and blaming you for everything, even if it wasn't your fault.

You guys are mature adults. You guys have decided to part ways, take a divorce and move ahead in your life. Whether it was your or his decision, I suggest you both respect it.

For every relationship to grow, it's very important that both of the parties involved are mutually interested and reciprocate well. Love or marriage is never one-sided. It's good that you took a firm stand in your favor of moving out of this marriage and refusing to compromise on this any further. It's good that you realized your true identity and that you know how strong you're and you can be, alone.

So, respect your mutual decision and stop this blame game. You guys are not college going kids who would blame on each other for the misshapenings. Instead, thank each other for all the good moments you had spent together, feel sorry that you both couldn't take this forward and silently part your ways off.

JustMyself · Jun 3, 2014

You deserve some-one far far far better than this guy. Please STAY strong. He is just trying to emotionally play on your feelings.

Had he been that loving husband, whom he claims to be, he would not have gone to pubs with other galz & female escorts.

He is just trying to project to his parents & family that he is good, and you are bad. Please remember you are the victim, and try not to let go emotionally ! Stay strong !!

Pray God to give you enough strength to let go and not fall into the trap this man is setting for you again !!

Laks09 · Jun 4, 2014

You deserve better. Stay away. It's the classical abuser/abused scenario playing out. He abuses, you get out, he comes begging reconciliation and when you relent he abuses again. The next time he calls/emails/texts think about it as the first point in this vicious never ending cycle. He will never get it. Don't respond to any of his emails/texts/calls. What's the point in telling him how you feel or how hurt you are. The very fact that you are getting a divorce means he doesn't get it. Even though it is very tough, make a clean break. Severe all ties. Change your phone numbers. Make new email ids and don't give it to him or anyone he knows. Move if possible to some place where he cannot track you. Start life afresh. You can do this. You are so strong to have had the courage to say enough is enough. Don't let the fear of the future lure you into your dreaded past.

kishoreg · Jun 4, 2014

hey dear choose things wisely dont come to any conclusion in short

weigh pros n cons and then decide

be strong emotionally and keep your mind peace

takecare

anjuanju · Jun 15, 2014

Thank you all for your support and suggestions. these days i am too busy at work . one way it is good as this keeps me away thinking of my past. Still i feel that my decision is correct . I tried my level best to be in the relationship. but day by day i became weak ,loosing my self esteem and lost interest in life.

when ever i tried to discuss or explain any thing to him, the only thing he told me was let us take divorce ,i do not want to stay . this way he though he can keep me shut down.

i don't have much expectation in life. i will take every day as it comes. thinking of future makes me afraid and bringing depression.going through the process of divorce is really tough how much support you have from family .

Thanks,

blossomingbud · Jul 15, 2014

hugs to you dear. He is an abuser. He is just playing mind games to abuse you emotionally. I am in a similar situation. My husband did and is still doing the same routine. hurt me emotionally and then when i protest strongly will come back and say he really wanted the relation to work. I finally parted from him and applied for divorce recently. Your guess is 100% correct. He wants to lay the terms and conditions and so played with your feelings. Don't fall apart now. I agree divorce is tough but living with a abuser is much worse. Count your blessings. You are educated and financially independent. You deserve better.