Advice for my nephew

If his ex wife was ill-treating him, then good that they are separated. If he is good then i am sure there is someone out there as good as him, awaiting for the right time that god has planned for them to meet.

Don't worry just pray to the almighty, thank him for whatever he has given so far...both good and otherwise...he has something good in store for him.

Warm regards
roopa.

 

Hi kanaka

Its diffiuclt to say, why he is not getting reply? Does he write those expectation which are difficult to meet?

I feel he should give sometime to himself and then look for some healthy freindship and the marriage.

My best wishes to him

Ansh12

 

Hi

There could be lots of reasons why he does not get replies. It all depends on how & what he has presented himself and also what the girls were expecting.

May be someone should have a heart to heart talk with him to figure out how he approaches, what he discusses with those ladies etc. and try to see where things possibly go wrong.

Lastly, girls these days also have their own levels of expectations.

All the best for him.

Cheers
Jenz

 

Hi,

Are you sure your nephew and his family told you everything? They would have presented their son in the best light and kept all the nasty bits out. Have you got the girl's version of the matter? I am asking because when my daughter is going through the same thing - divorce still to be applied for-- the boy's s family has told a lot of lies to all their relatives which we can prove to be lies with complete documentation. His relatives think he is an angel on earth whereas the people who know the truth are shocked by his doings.

Can you tell me how we can get our point across when we know that our daughter is being villified by these unscrupulous people ?

So you may think your nephew is a wonderful guy, which he may indeed be, but jsut make sure to get both sides of the picture first.

That apart, is your nephew looking for a girl who has never been married before or does he have a lot of expectations from the girl and her family? There are many nice girls out there, but the boys and their families these days should give up the attitude of 'selecting' a girl for their son. They think that they are superior to the girl and till they realize that the boy need a girl as much as a girl needs a boy, finding a match and making the marriage work is going to be impossible.

BTW, do you know why the previous marriage failed? If anything, a girl and her parents have a higher stake in wanting the marriage to work, after all they are paying for it.

 

Hatsoff Sugeetha

Really good analysis...and approach...

 

Thank you. My analysis came from the pain we are feeling right now for our daughter who is highly educated, gave up a good job to go to the US after an arranged marriage to a well-educated, well-employed person from a traditional Palghat Iyer family -- we are Tanjore -- that is to say, she made all the adjustments and more and we gave them a lavish wedding beyond our means doing everthing they wanted us to, only because it was the first wedding in the family. The boy had a speech problem which we chose to overlook thinking he was a good person as everybody on his side told us. His real nature and his mother's surfaced only after the wedding. His inferiority complex led him and his mother to illtreat my daughter though she managed to get a good job. We actually believe he was jealous of his own wife, as she is pretty and smart and able to take care of herself. He actually called her a lesbian when she spoke to a girl, and accused her of maybe coming from an infertile family when they didn't conceive. It turned out after medical tests that he was the one at fault and after this, he and his mother got worse and tried to cut off all access with us and even at home, they woould osttracize her and insult her to her face. With us they would pretend that everything was fine and so it was some time before we found out what was going on. The day we found out --this had been going on for more than a year with our daughter keeping it from us to spare our feelings and to protect her siblings' future-
she told us on that day in a phone call that she couldn't go on in a conversation lasting for a few hours from London to Bombay , we told her immediately to leave the house . Now ,in spite of being completely in the wrong and despite our waiving all demands for alimony, they are haggling over returning her earnings to her, because he has it in his account .I may tell you that his family is a crorepati family with assets all over Delhi and Palghat and bank accounts all over the place. Still they are finding it difficult to return her earnings which is only a few lakhs. They told her she has to pay for her food and shelter during the marriage period. Apparently her services as maid and cook and bedmate come for free.

So you see, as parents of a wronged girl, we are all in great pain. In Tamil, they say, Penn Paavam Pollaadhu. They are great devotees of Lord Guruvayurappan and boast about the temples they are important members of and the respect they command in society, but to treat an innocent girl like this when their son is guilty of a lot of things we can prove and are keeping quiet about ?

Sharing this pain with all of you will maybe help us to deal with it .

 

Sugeetha,

I was saddened to read about your daughter. hope she comes out of this soon and finds a great life partner again. my best wishes for her.

 

Dear Sugeetha

I can feel the pain as I myself experienced this being a duaghter like your daughter and going thorugh hell in marriage as my husband had superioirty complex.

May god give her strength to overcome pain and with your support, she will be able to overcome it.

Best wishes
Ansh