Advice for my nephew

Dear Kanaka,

Sugeetha has given excellent advice and also raised few concerns. If these questions can be answered, then, you would have the answer to your nephews problems or why his approach to girls are unsuccessful.

Sugeetha, my heart bleeds for your daughter. But i am happy and pleased that as parents you are standing by your daughter. Typically, the parents would push their daughter to continue in the marriage, even being aware their daughter is being crucified for the sake of maintaing their name in the society.

Applause! i am very glad your daughter has your support and hopefully your strenght too.

Take care,
JJ

Hello ladies, I haven't posted for quite some time but have been reading other posts. We ,in my family, have been passing through some very tense times trying to negotiate our daughter's divorce .That is also why I didn't post because I was feeling very miserable throughout last month. We had to stand up to the bullying of the son-in-law's side, and a lot of nasty stuff attempted by the son-in-law in particular, about which I will write in detail later.
What I want to say now is friends, my daughter was today granted her divorce ,full and final, in a Delhi court, with the 6-month waiting period being waived thankfully. Today being Sani Amavasya, I believe Lord Sani Himself has relieved my daughter of such a husband. My daughter and I too are undergoing Ashtam Sani and this whole thing blew up on the very day Sani moved into our Ashtam last year, which was the day the ex-son-in-law shot off his extremely offensive email to me about my daughter ! we are also devotees of Sai Baba of Shirdi who has helped us in many ways through this terrible period.
I thank all of you ladies who have expressed their support and good wishes in this and other posts.

Dear Sugeetha,

This is wonderful news. My heartiest congratulations to you, your daughter and your entire family for having sailed across this tumultous phase of your lives.

I have to salute your courageous spirit in standing strong behind your daughter and helping her through this acid test. I know this time must have been extremely trying on your daughter and your family.

I wish that this is the last such tough time for the rest of your life. May the times to come bring only the best and the happiest to all of you.

My sincere good wishes.

SS

Great new Sugeetha.. and all strength to you for the days ahead. Your daughter is smart and from a good loving family.. she will do well and may if her heart permits meet some one she likes and hope to settle down with. Hope you continue to have the strength support her esp in trying times when you get negative comments about divorced girls from friends and families. Hope u got all of her earned money back. Her IL have no business or rights over her money.

Dear Sugeetha,
Very few girls get the kind of support your daughter is getting, I am one of the fortunate few . I am in a similar situation as your daughter and my parents are extremely supportive of me. I sometimes feel guilty for putting them through this, because they are taking the brunt of societies comments and shielding me from them. On the flip side, I cannot even imagine what I would do if I did not have this support??
Congratulations.

Thank you all for your good wishes. I also hope that my daughter will be able to find a new life for herself. She is brave, but as parents,all we can do is support her and pray for God's help. I can tell you that not once have we regretted that we took this collective decision -that she should walk out of her marriage. When she called us up and told us how her husband had ranted at her all night on Jan. 5 this year and gave her "two options" ( he is a trader in a top Swiss bank ) one "hard" and one"soft" , either she agreed to be on probation for one year and did exactly as he and his mother said --she should "obey"him in every way,which even meant giving up her job in London and going to Delhi and sitting in his father's chartered accountancy office just helping out and he would decide the future course at the end of the year,OR she should take the "quick and soft option" of leaving the marriage, in which case, she should go to Delhi with him, and his mother -- the nursery teacher - would "submit her report " to his father. Then we would be summoned to Delhi and his father would decide, with his mother saying that the "court would decide ". When we were informed of this by our daughter -- who had to go to her office on a Sunday to be able to call us in India using a caling card which she had to buy secretly , because she was not allowed to talk to us from home nor waas she allowed to access her Yahoo mail from home ,Yahoo being blocked in her office,she had to check her mail only on her office id. Which meant that as long as she was out of her office, she could not mail us and unless she was out of the house, she could not telephone us.
When she reported this ultimatum to us, we were stunned, although we knew by now that things were pretty bad. We made immediate arrangements for a respectable couple whom we approached through my husband's office friends. We did not even know these people but they were kind enough to collect her and she stayed with them for a week. Her office colleagues who were all foreigners were supportive and her employer - a big bank- actually sent her to India on work at their expense to get her independent visa. She had been on a dependent spouse visa and earlier when she was upset by the stuff going on at home, she had told her boss she wanted to leave, after only 3 months on the job. Her Canadian boss spoke to her and told her not to give up so easily and to make her own choices. He immediately arranged for her to get an independent visa as well. Till then, her husband had been telling her that she should be grateful to his employer because her work permit on the spouse visa was in some way, because of him and his employer. Which was idiotic to say the least. In fact my daughter got her job completely on her own with no help or support from him. That itself caused him no little jealousy.
He and his mother must have been pretty shocked to have her leave their house --they happened to have gone shopping at the time so the mother could buy chocolates for her teacher colleagues! Ill-treat your daughter-in-law and buy chocolates for friends !

They made no efforts to find her when she was not at home. we informed the father in Delhi. Either he was pretending not to know anything or he is the biggest idiot on
earth. Each time we spoke to us he would say he was feeling very bad about all this and after speaking to his son, he would change his tune and start defending his son . The son wrote a mail to our daughter 3 days later saying "I have learnt from my father that you have shifted house and what is your plan?" In his next mail he wanted to know where a Gap receipt was so that he could return some clothes and get a refund. A monster with nothing but money on his mind, that is what he is. Later we found out that he had spent the two days after my daughter left him on 6th Jan. , writing out applications in her name and forging her signature to get a credit card in her name. and to get her name taken off joint accounts. A very busy person ,with so much forgery to be done ! Later he got the card, the PIN no. and he went round London paying for railcards and withdrawing the cash by cancelling them.He even went to another British city to pay his brother's tuition fee of £4000. To claim innocence, he made another payment with his own card and withdrew this money in cash. When my daughter challenged him on this, he pretended to be innocent and produced his own receipt. But this didn't wash with the bank which was co-operating with my daughter and they asked her to file a police complaint so that they could proceed further. Unfortunately fotr the forger, she was not even in the UK when he made the
payments ! But in the interest of getting the divorce, we made sure that he paid the credit card bill then did not pursue the matter. If we had, he would be out of a job and unemployable anywhere.

After much haggling, they paid back her earnings and a small portion of the wedding expenses. They wanted to term this as alimony payment even though she had waived alimony and maintenance. We refused to allow this and made them say that they were returning her money to her and nothing more.

During the court proceedings the son was very careful not to let his father anywhere near my husband because he was afraid of letting his father know exactly what he had been up to. We also have his medical report which says he has a low sperm count and a low sperm motility, which is why the doctors here in Bart's Hospital told them to have ICSI done, which is a procedure for severe male infertility. His mother knows nearly everything about her son, but she came all dressed up in the matching clothes and ear-rings she always wears and kept giggling away in the Delhi court. Well. we didn't care, I hope we have more class than that.

He returned old vessels and clothes and a 2007 calendar in March 2008 because it had been brought out by my husband's employer !!! BUT he did not return any of the expensive clothes gifted by us though my daughter returned everything. He of course wouldn't want to spend money buying himself new clothes.

Well, this has been a very long post for which I am sorry, but they included a clause in the petition saying that we would not go to the "mass media", would you believe it.

Dear Sugeetha,

After reading all your posts, I am sooo glad that your daughter is out of that man and his family's clutches!

I wish there were more parents like you who really value their daughters and support them in times of need instead of just telling them to "adjust" with their abusers...

love,
Aarushi

Dear Sugeetha,

Hats off to you. The way you stood by your daughter when she is going through tough times is admirable. I can realise what your family, especially your daughter have gone through during this time.

My best wishes for your daughter's future.