To over come the overwhelming feeling

Hai,
How to over come the overwhelming feeling?
Really having tough time while facing relatives and colleagues when they ask about hubby.
Usually I will say he is in U.S or U.K for 6 months onsite assignment. Few people even though they knew about my situation they are showing interest to know what is going on. Only very few of my close friends and relatives knew that we are separated.

Stopped calling friends b’coz how many days I can say that his assignment got postponed for 3 more months. If they call am scared to pick, b’coz their next question gonna be about him.
When my friends say about their marriage proposals, 1st anniversary, about their kids etc etc I feel am trapped. Will start thinking the moment am happy with him. B’coz of this I stopped attending functions.

Am into a nut shell. At times am mad at myself, but helpless. If I would have got a kid can happily spend my remaining life by seeing its face. Am unlucky in that.
Each and every minute am thinking about it and the incidence happened between us.
Don’t know how to overlook this society and overcome from this feeling.

Priya,

I really feel that you need to talk with someone elder to you who is matured enough to think rationally and also guide you, as you seem really confused.

You have mentioned that there is not much work at office...take a break and try and sort out your life. Write down all the pros and cons of the situation that you are in. What drove you to commit suicide etc.

Thank your stars that you don't have a kid yet and not the other way round...otherwise imagine the trauma that your kid would have to go thru.

Atleast now talk openly with your parents and see how you can salvage this situation. As i mentioned earlier maybe both the parents and the 2 of you all 6 need to sit together and sort this out once and for all since both of you are at fault acoording to you.

Few things that you need to answer yourself:

- Within one year of marriage what went wrong
- If you love him so much, what happened that you are are in this situation
- If your husband is a nice person and you love him very much..then why this situation
- what drove you to take poison
- what are the incidences that happened and who was at fault

Be honest and with the help of your parents and ils see if you can talk to your husband about it.

Roopa.

Hi Rajpriya

Please excuse me for my bluntness in my reply to you. My sympathies will make you weak and I want you to be strong now.

There is no use crying over the spilled milk, so please stop thinking about your suicide etc.( you might have seen that I haven't mentioned this in my previous postst also)

Think about mending the damage that has been done.

I firmly believe that no-one should be made a party to the talks between you and your husband,as only two of you know what transpired between you two. Any third person will always end up making the issue much more complicated inspite of his/her best efforts not to do so.We all can give you number of suggestion and advice, but its always easier said than done.

Give your husband space for sometime, tell him that if he can't accept you as his wife, let you be his friend and behave as a friend. Wish him on all important occassion, so that minimum communication is maintained. Don't nag or pester him. let there be no bitterness in your approach. Still if things don't work out, give them a decent ending as its no use living in a relationship that is one-sided. I believe

"Woh afsana jise anjam tak lana na ho mumkin, use ek khoobsorat mode dek kar chodna achcha"

"The narration which cannot be brought to conclusion should be left by giving a beautiful turn"

Feelings and love canot be forced upon anyone.

Coming to your friends, those who know you, don't need any explnation and those who don't, don't deserve any explanation. Don't make yourself a culprit by keeping away from the social functions. Gather courage and tell, "there are some unresolve dissues between me and my husband and being freinds, I hope you will understand my situation and will repect my privacy ad not discuss on this topic". Believe me, this will put an end to all the uncomfortable questions being put to you, Let the tongues wag at your back

People don't stop levelling accustaion on GOD you r are just a human.

These are my , hope you will not mind my bluntness
Best wishes
Ansh12

Hi Roopa and Anush many thanks for ur valuable advice.
U all gave a clear idea of how to proceed further with my hubby and to face the society with out guilty conscious.
Am gonna do my best to fix my life and what ever happens will take it in sportive way.

Priya

Hi Priya,

Please answer me some simple questions : Did you come into this world for him? Or were you not happy and enjoying life before he entered you life? Now since he is not there with you, does that mean are you also lost? Should you end your life for him? Do you think he is worth your own life?

I feel the more you think about it and not socialize yourself, the more depressed and sad you will be. Be brave girl!!! tell people that there was mis-understanding and you guys are separate and keep it at that. If people get more inquisitive, then bluntly tell them that "I dont want to discuss the matter please" And that would make them quiet.

I have been living life almost like a single person from past 2 yrs...initially I used to do the same and not socialize and I used to feel really sad and depressed.
Society and people will talk 100 things....but we as persons should be true to our heart and not take each one's remarks and make ourselves miserable.
Infact theres a panchatantra stroy about this...2 men carrying a donkey and on the way they listen to peopl's remarks and change positions...in the end they end up looking like fools. I was watching this story with my kid and thats what changed my thinking...and now I feel much much better dealing with society and people who talk. Its none of their business anyway...so dont bother about them.

Each person comes to this world with some share of happiness. We should not restrain ourselves and punish ourselves like this.....instead forget the past, leave it behind you and enjoy each day as it comes. Suicide is like running away from problems...never ever think on those lines...each human life is too precious.
Attending social functions alone and facing the fact will give you more confidence and make you strong.....for sure! so dont lose your heart girl!!!
That will also give your courage and strength to handle things with your hubby too.....
Takecare
Sihi

hi sihi,

well said i really liked the way you described the fact

hi rajpriya,

everyone gave you good advice. i think you are feeling bad because you think you made mistake, but get over it .during initial days of marriage we don't know how to act and behave as we are send to a new environment

you can defenitely try to convince your husband that you have changed but you don't have to punish yourself .start enjoying life as worries will bring more worries .remember you can't change the past.

manju

Many thanks Sihi and manju.
Ur words made me strong and started handling the issue in different way.
Gonna react what seems true to my heat and face the society.