Confused and disturbed need some help to understand this guy

You have got some great suggestions from the other posters. Meanwhile you can work on your self confidence. You did nothing wrong that you have to be desperate and grab on to the first guy who shows interest. Dont think of yourself as diminished in some way because of your first experience. Work on your confidence and self esteem and try to enjoy the life which you have right now. Pursue hobbies and activities and things you could not do earlier due to the cancer treatment. Try to develop the mindset that if the second marriage is to happen it will but in the meanwhile dont stop living your life.

 

Dreams, I will tell you what happened with me and maybe you will relate a little to what might be happening in your case. Before I got married, I was in touch with a guy from bharat matrimony. Different castes. My parents were OK with it but his parents wanted the caste/horoscopes etc to be matched. After matching the horoscopes, we are supposed to be a bad fit. So his parents flatly refused. We both were still interested to an extent. He had brought me gifts and I also accepted thinking we are going to marry anyway.

Anyway, after so much struggles, he failed to convince his parents. We both married different people. We remained in touch through emails...i mean, once in 3 years or so when we have important things to share like having a baby. About 5 years later, he told me how hard he fought with his parents but they simply didnt listen. He needed to make a choice between me and his parents and he chose his parents (naturally). n MAJORITY of the cases they choose parents; we can neither blame them nor ourselves.

Now, in your situation too, maybe the guy is genuine (or maybe not). When we involve emotionally or in light romance, we often dont think "whats going to happen tomorrow". We just go with the flow. Now if he says he will still marry you without parents approval, think a million times if you really want to do it. If you are in love with him then its a different story but at this point you are not in love with him. So think long and hard what you really want to do. Its an uphill battle even with parents approval; you can only imagine how hard its going to be without the approval. And as you said, you dont need another roller coaster ride. A friend of mine got married to a guy without the guys parents knowledge (due to certain circumstances and it was 10 years ago. Till day the guys mom says, "vo ladki mere bechaare laadle ko uttake legayi....that girl stole my child; something like that).

At this point, my suggestion is to completely back off and tell him politely that perhaps you both should take time and really think if you want to be together. If he wants to be together with you, tell him very politely you expect him to at least talk to your parents and his parents about it. Tell him that you are too tired already to fight another battle and that you would appreciate if he could talk to his parents and convince them or just let you be.

Dont be hard on yourself. Its extremely traumatizing to lose a spouse. You just about started looking to start a new life and when you thought you found a nice guy, you gave in to some romance. No one can blame you for you. You be brave and strong and follow your heart. Hugs to you.

 

Dont you want parents inlaw from hell and then keep posting here in relations with Il lifelong?
Girl listen dont do that.In indian community parents are part of family even after marriage unlike west.Their approval is highly necessary for peaceful marriage.

 

I am sorry, but I got to say it, someone should. He is just not interested to commit for life. Please back off, in a way he will be happy. But if he is really into you, which I highly doubt, he will come after you.

I am really surprised at women/girls who jump into bed and regret later. Men are well.. men... What do you think runs as marquee in their mind..

Fellow IL Men, I am not generalising, just some of ya, ok ;-)

good luck.

 

Dear Op....ignore him and let him do the chasing. Don't give in to his needs and see if he still wants to continue. Besides ...do you really want to be with a man who is so scared of his parents that he is not ready go against their views.

 

Why did you let him touch you? Why did you go to a hotel room alone with him?

Ring him just once and give him the ultimatum. Either talk to his parents And your parents in one week and marry you straight away or forget it

My gut feel is that he will let you go. Forget him, close the chapter, learn your lessons and look into the future.

Dont waste time on him if he is not serious.

this guy seriously needs to learn to respect you. Gentlemen don't touch women like tht, just based on vague words and promises.

 

Hi Dear,

This guy is expecting something big from you, be careful. you cannot trust him. if a boy wants to marry, he will get married some how. looks like his Girl friend must have ditched him. so he is trying his luck. be careful, don't regret later. and never trust people from bharatmatrimony.com only no other go people will register there.