Feeling Torn

shim5 · Feb 7, 2014

I am married since two years and have a baby who is 5 months old. My DH smokes, drinks…I also noticed drugs in his pockets- so probably into drugs, hardly goes to work, I have caught him many times watching ****, noticed some unwanted messages to women too.

But every time I argue about all this he asks for forgiveness, even falls on my feet and says he will not repeat it…but I am not able to see any difference. It’s almost a year since he has gone for work. I thought at least after the baby is born he will be responsible but it doesn’t seem so. He has his own fun but says he is sorry for all that he has done. I keep forgiving him. I am in my mother’s place for the past couple of months – I’m here for my delivery. I kept saying that I will not return unless he goes for work cos he has to support the family. The baby is very small and I cannot leave him and go for work…moreover what he is there for as a husband and a father? He agrees but as far as I know he has hardly taken any initiative. Though all this is so painful and just not acceptable I still did forgive him and kept giving him chances after chances.

Now, it’s so happened that I got to see that he subscribed to a **** website asking for sex. When he came to see me I asked him about it. He at first denied and later agreed that he did post it. Chances are that he could have got to a prostitute and I only have evidence about him posting such a horrible thing but do not know if he has gone. And, he denied going which I cannot fully trust. If he can ask for it I am sure he could have gone for it!

As you see my DH smokes, drinks, has drugs addicted to ****, doesn’t go for work. I am frustrated to the core. At times I think should I go back and try changing him but feel people like this hardly change. Now, I have a tiny little life to take care of and cannot keep worrying about a person who hardly cares or bothers to change. I just feel I should divorce him especially when I think he has written to the prostitutes….As you see I am damn confused and going through a difficult phase… what are your suggestions my dear ladies?

Rishal · Feb 8, 2014

Dear Shim5,

Sorry to hear this. I feel you can take him to psychiatrist.

betty3382 · Mar 2, 2014

Hi Shim, you questioned the right stuff. Such people can only spoil life of others. AROHI are only in movies like ASIQUEE 2.But the practical life is different. I suggest you desert him and keep every possible proof of his issues. Do not get into litigation right now as its very tiring. You should keep raising ur child happily and think about working part time initially. Get all your valuables and educational docs from DH's house peacefully, without telling him what r u up to. If in future he files a petition then u need to have evidence. As of now make an fir with police about his misconduct and asking police to stop him from interact with you. See, his dark side will only make your child like him eventually, so both of you stay away from him.

indoc · Mar 2, 2014

You married an unemployed loser and had a baby too... How gullible are you!!
Take the baby, leave that loser and get divorce...
Smokers and drunks can be salvaged back, but addicts can't.. so leave him ASAP and get your life back

fellowblogger · Mar 2, 2014

i feel sorry for you dear...i dont know how you ended up with this man. he has too many bad habits and turning him upside down might take you a lifetime. and moreover even if he changes are you ready to trust him completely?

looks like you are well educated and can take care of your kid. so i would say just divorce him and keep your kid aswell away from him and as others have mentioned please do store all the proof you have collected against him it will definetly come handy.

CHEER2012 · Mar 26, 2014

Hi Dear, If he is watching ****, drinking & smoking then may be you can try to change him. but if he is on DRUG's then it is a big problem, get rid of him, other wise you will find things disappearing from your house one by one. CHEERS.

thinkingHusbank · Apr 12, 2014

I don't think going to prostitutes is a big thing here. 80% of the men would have tried at least once. You have a lot of other things to worry about. Look at your kids future and decide based on that.

sweetypi · Apr 12, 2014

thinkingHusbank said: ↑

I don't think going to prostitutes is a big thing here. 80% of the men would have tried at least once.
Click to expand...

What about STDs ? :coffee

thinkingHusbank · Apr 14, 2014

Every pro give you protection before act.

Lilipad · May 4, 2014

Like others have said , **** ,smoking and drinking can be managed and people even come out clean from those addictions , but ones a drug addict , always a drug addict ...

Plus over time drugs will make him even more unpredictable, as he will keep losing his cognition ..