Trying to patch up with Husband

Hi friends,
Am separated since a year,got married two years ago.No kids.
Major mistake is mine that i realized,even he too did some.He is so mad on me and saying that v cant fix it.
Mine is arranged marriage.Both are software engin..In a sequence everthing happend in my life..
At one situation took poison n came out of the home..
But i love him a lot.
First he asked me to leave my job n come after some days i agreed,but now he s telling that v cant lead a life togehter.
My parents are supporting me..but am running across really tough time
Thought of goin n meeting him n telling that i love u a lot n gonna lead my remaining life with his memories.
help me friends ..

HI Rajpriya

If you can talk it out and resolve the matter, I ma for it. As Shri Krishna said in Mahabharta "If you get peace at any cost, its always cheap". Do whatever brings peace of mind to you.

If you feel its your mistake, then apologise whole-heartedly and try to build his confidence. He will take time to cool down and give him that time.

I sincerely think that Ria, SS and Arushi would be able to give more insight into your query.

Best wishes
Ansh

Originally Posted by rajpriya

Hi friends,
Am separated since a year,got married two years ago.No kids.
Major mistake is mine that i realized,even he too did some.He is so mad on me and saying that v cant fix it.
Mine is arranged marriage.Both are software engin..In a sequence everthing happend in my life..
At one situation took poison n came out of the home..
But i love him a lot.
First he asked me to leave my job n come after some days i agreed,but now he s telling that v cant lead a life togehter.
My parents are supporting me..but am running across really tough time
Thought of goin n meeting him n telling that i love u a lot n gonna lead my remaining life with his memories.
help me friends ..

dear priya,

Don't worry dear.meet him at some place and talk with him.leave all your egos and apologise.Let your father also talk to him personally.Everything will be solved.

God will always be with you.

Hi rajpriya,

As ladies have mentioned, mend it if you can and patch up. If you feel mistake was yours, then you can ask for forgiveness. Tell him you are human and mistakes happen.
Try to know what he feels towards you.Talking to him might melt his heart.

All the best.Just visualize what you are going to say, and plan the meeting well, if you feel this is the only chance you will get to put things back on track.Be yourself and express all your feelings for him.

Take care, and be positive.I will pray for you.

Regards,
Yamuna

Rajpriya,

Firstly Welcome to close knit community of Indusladdies. Its heartening to see you coming out with your issues.

Your post doesnot give much detail on what pushed you to the limit of taking poison. I would assume it was something big enough. First you need to resolve in yourself what cause that ultimate breakdown crisis in you. Before you jump on conclusion that it was all your mistake. Talk with some wise trustworthy person(may be your mother /sister /or some close friend) you trust. Open up all you can and then seek their frank opinion on whom they rest the blame. If they repeat your version than probably you are thinking correct. Otherwise I would think staying alone is pushing you to the limit of blaming yourself.

Staying in or out of marriage is less important than staying alive. If I were your elder sister, I would be worried more for why you took poision than why you left your husband.

In no situation, you should leave your job. You need financial indpendence most in these situations. More than finance, work keeps you occupied to a great limit. Thats what you need in such stressful times.

I would suggest to work out first within yourself. Prioritize what you need in life, what do you see in future with this guy. Involve someone you consider wiser than you too. Sometimes we cannot think clear when we are the sole party affected.

Hope this helps.
Ria

Thanks a lot my dear sisters/friends.
Am posting this with tears. After reading ur Responses I cried a lot.
It helped me a lot to think wisely.
.Many times I talked to him and xplained which all my mistakes, he s not ready to accept that.
Today am gonna meet him n xplain all the situations which made him to think bad about me.
I killed my ego long back and whole hearteldy am gonna ask apologies .

He is a very egoistic.All his relatives came to know our dispute, he is ashamed of that. He thinks any ways all of them came to know about the dispute then how to lead a life with me..
Not even givin me a chance to build his confidence.
He is not out spoken (Obviously guys are like that) so many times I dint know how to react for the situation.
My in-laws called me once a came out from the house, but I dint call them back.
At least I would have maintained good relationship with my in-laws that I filled to.
Now am realizing all the mistakes which I have done. But its all my fate.

Last month wen v meet he said he is not ready to lead life with me, and if I need divorce he s ready to sign and said he is gonna spend his remaining life alone.

Hope at least this meeting make .01% changes in his decision.

Thanks for ur prayers..

Many thanks for u all

Hello,
Not been forgiven by hubby, had a talk with him. He I s strongly telling that it is not gonna be work out.If he would have abused me in any ways i can forget and be happy.Character wise he s too good. I love him.
Here goes my story in a brief.
1.Whenever v have misunderstanding dint discuss. He will be silent, am scared to discuss about that coz he might get angry on me. B’coz of that day by day our communication gape grew.
2.I would have told my issues to my parents (which they can help) that I dint do coz at that time strongly felt that they ll feel bad for me. His friend who was a mediator between us at that time is a straightforward guy. He came to me and said ur hubby is like this, like this I got to adjust. He said only about his negatives so created an illusion that my hubby s very bad. But now I realized that if he would have handled in different way this separation would have not been happened. But it is all my fate.
3.Just after my B.E got married, till that I was a queen at my home. I dint know much about married life. I dint express my feeling to him properly. Soon after wedding for 3 months he gave me full freedom to do what ever I want. But there is not my change in my character what he was expecting from me. So slowly he turned. I felt that he s treating me like a servant and took poison. This hurt him a lot. Now am ashamed of that. Only his negative came in my mind at that time.
4.There was some idea mismatch between us, now I have changed my mindset. Since it is an arranged marriage we had only 25 days left, dint discuss much about our views. We were talking about physical stuffs like that, shopping, honey moon spot etc…
Since there are no major issues between us, I don’t wanna go for divorce. He was very much-hurt coz of me.
My in-laws are telling that since we both have to lead a its their son’s decision. So they are not interfering. So am thinking that if my parents go and speak to them it is of no use.
It is my duty to make him understand. Last week I went and stood in front of his office and met him. From long back he stopped picking my call, so I used to call him from DOT. But in the last meeting he said no more meeting.
So only means I have now is e-mail.
I am going to try my level best, if am not been forgiven then thinking about him am gonna spend my remaining life.
Plz advice me to proceed further.

dear priya,

very sad dear.i don't have words to console you.i saw your last thread also.Just tell your parents to meet your husband and your inlaws.Certainly this will have some effect.When you cannot solve this problem,there is more chance that your parents can solve.
The only mistake from your side is poison matter.It is a very serious matter and that is why he is not able to swallow that.

I very much feel that only your parents can solve this issue.So make a try, nothing wrong.For some time you divert yourself on things which gives you more peace of mind and keeps you busy.

Soon you will lead a very very happy life with your dh.

For your mana shanthi,i will tell you some relief poojas

If you have belief,Try Vaibhava lakshmi pooja.This is very simple and you have to do for 8 or 11 weeks and only on friday evenings.

Dear Priya,

Read your post...i agree with Krithika, why don't you tell your parents to talk to your DH in consultation with his parents. All 4 of them can sit together and sort out the issues.

But i also hope that your in laws don't have any problem with you. Then i am sure your parents and they put together can talk some sense to your husband. Tell them that you are willing to start afresh all over again and turn a new leaf ...so forget the past and focus on your present and future.

Roopa.

Dear Krithika,
Thanks a lot for ur advice
I din’t want my parents goin down infront of my in-laws b’coz of me But I would have asked them long back Finally ended up like this.
Am gonna explain them that how am fleeing now.Then will take a decision

Couldn’t concentrate in my work. Right now don’t have much work at office so all the time thinking about my bad time.

Since a year am not at all interested in anything. Suddenly went to an extreme.
Please let me know about Vaibhava lakshmi pooja, I ll start doing from this friday