Mistake is all mine. Want to patch up, but need help and advice

This is by far the best suggestion.. Please don't cry over and try to reconcile. Move on.. It might be difficult for you in the beginning but that is the best you can do now for you now.

 

Hi Prathi - I am sorry for what happened. When I read your long story (I read everything) looks like you have depression. Please contact a therapist and he will be able to help you.

Hurting yourself by hitting your head to walls and stuff like that makes the other pesron(spouse) gets scared of you.

what ever happened is happened. No one can change your Husbands mind. Only he can change it. Please get some therapy and find a Stable Job.

Tell your parents strongly that you don't want to get married again immediately and you want some time. From now on don't trust everyone. Don't apologize for no fault of yours.

Your SIL is not a nice person. Your DH could have known better than this. '

Hugs,

 

Hi prathi,
I really don't understand why you long for a husband who didn't really care for you. What are you going to get when you live with him again? I don't think he ll look in to his life and live happily with you. He ll be more interested in his sister's life rather than his as how he was before. Now even more interested in his sister's as his BIL is gone.

I think you ll have to really live a painful life again even more worse than what you lived with him before divorce. He ll totally ignore you. Pls try to forget him if you have feelings for this man and marry the man your parents choose and try to live happily.

God has given you an opportunity to start afresh in life again. Make the best use of this opportunity and try to set things right.

All the best.

 

Hi Prathi,

I think ur parents wr insencitive.. Firstly ur parents have to be blamed.. to make u go thru tis.. they r the reason for ur behaviour.
Anyways, now at this point counselling might help u, do meditation,stay positive, keep ur self happy wit the positive attitude,engage urself in some activities.

And ur psychic behaviour has brought ur marriage to an end..pls try to concentrate on self improvement & anger management..dont rush into 2nd marriage with so much negitivity in u.

Try tellin ur parents not to mess ur life once again.. stand for yourself.

Life is all about ups & downs.. it will never be a bed of roses..

 

Hi Prathi,

I am new to this forum. I have read your story and believe me it is very very common in Indian family. I know you must be feeling your own mistakes but your husband should have been given importance to you as well.
However, you both can not change whatever happened. So don't regret for any relationship. Every relationship teach you something or other-thing. I think this relationship taught you to have patience in life.

Solution in my opinion:
First you need to accept that now you are single, independent and most important - unemployed. He must be enjoying his life with his family, but you are getting depressed because the man who already left you. Why? After accepting it, acknowledge that first you need a job in hand even-though it is very small. But start from somewhere. If you have good contacts/friends use it and get the job. Be financially independent. I bet you, once you will come out from your home and will meet new people you will get another chance to fall in love. Something better is waiting for you.

Now my turn......I am in same boat with some different issues with husband. Ours was 15 years of Love marriage. The day I left job, he started acting like he is doing favor on me by paying household things etc...After few days he started abusing me. Thats it. I left home. I came to my parents home. Luckily, my parents were very supportinve though society were very cruel to me and my parents. I fought. Its almost 1 year. He begging me to come back. I just put one condition - wherever I am the world, he has to take all my responsibilities. He denied. I said ...ok that the day you are ready to take my responsibilities.....ask my parents for hand. Till that dont try to contact me. We dont want divorce. Even he also loves me a lot. Me too. Ya...still I love him like mad. But no abusive language. I can not bare. I took 1.5 year break from job because he wanted to start a business and I left the job to give my full time to his business. When I came back to native....It took 8 months to get the job back. Now I independent. I am staying alone near to my parents house. and society ***K.

Just live your life the you want. Dont wait for him. You wont get human life again. Do your best in this life.

Best of luck.

PariS.

 

I am sorry to say but I feel it is too late.

 

Dear Prathi,

First of all, do not blame yourself.

Circumstances in life exist for a reason - to teach you some lessons that life feels you have missed on.

You have to calm down, do a little introspection ad figure out what you want from life. We can give you a head start on the introspection thing, but we are no counsellors. Change must first begin from within you and others can only guide you.

After reading everything, (yes, everything!), I see a distinct undercurrent of emotional dependence on others. Seeking validation from others, appreciation, acceptance and love which YOU feel you are lacking. Of course, your child background plays an important role for this situation that you are in, but it is time to leave the past behind and take control over your present.

What you described happens in most families(read a million threads in the inlaws and married life forums), but what sets your case apart is the fact that you resorted to violence against yourself. Your reliance on others and a major lack of emotional security and the frustration of not finding the same, your method of outlet of the pent up feelings was out of what this society-sitting-on-the-moral-high-horse would term "out of the ordinary"(unfortunately, this society includes your's truly). But that was just you. Having said that, here are some thoughts that came to my mind for resolving this situation

My strong suggestion would be:

Forget about getting back with your Ex, Work on YOU

Why? because, if you don't work on the issues you have within you, even getting back with your husband won't work. The same patterns will repeat and your emotional wounds will only get deeper.

When I say work on YOU, I mean: Calm down.

Get a job and be financially independent.

Move out of your parents' home: Living in that toxic environment is as bad to you now as it was in your childhood.

Spend time with yourself. Thinking, Reading, Praying.

Don't look for emotional support from others, look for validation within yourselves. Be proud of yourself. Do things that make you feel you are worth it.

Above all, visit a counsellor. You must seek professional help who will guide you to finding the right way.

Remember, life deals you with troubles for you to grow. There will be growing pains, but you will emerge stronger, and a much better person. You will love yourself for it, and the world will love you for it and who knows, you will find the right guy then to share your life with.

Good Luck and May God be with You!