Mistake is all mine. Want to patch up, but need help and advice

The problem is i do not share our personal issues,but my husband tells each and every thing to his sister and BIL,like even where we are going ,what we have brought for household and even our fights.

 

Sorry for a long and elaborate story,but this is the final one...


This went on aand even my husband was totally supporting them inspite of showing him the faults of his sister. again one day, my husband took half day at work for


driving his sister and her family to an award ceremony to another place leaving me behind.and that evening he had invited few guests home,and as the time was nearing


he did not even bother to call me and inform me whther he was coming at the appointed time or not.And with just 20 mins to the set time,i had no signs from him that he


would come,so i just left home and went to the nearby park for a walk.And returned after an hour or so.By the time i returned, i saw that his sister and BIL were home


searching for me everywhere and they ask me where i have disappeared.I told them i did not disappear,but went for a walk to the park.They then tell me how scared they


were and they even had the plan to call and inform the police.I told them i am not a kid to just go away without letting anyone know.And then they left home leaving


us.Then my husband starts to blame me for not informing him and going.Later when things became even more worst between me and his SIL, i would cry like hell for hours


together by myself and bring it out on my husband.Moreover my husband was like,after he comes home,has his snacks and tea and leaves immediately to his sisters house


and come back home only at around 10 or 11 in the night.While he would be there, he would not even bother to call me and ask whether i needed something or ate at


all.Only while heading back he would call to tell me he was coming home.Thi happened every alternate day and i could not tolerate it any longer and started to get


angry on him and slowly into arguments and verbal abuse.He did not change a bit even then. Laet another day since my SIL's SIL came from another place, i thought it


would be better to go and see her.So before going i told my husband before hand that i would not eat anything at their house at any cost,and he before hand informed


his BIL that we were coming home,but not about the food. So we went and the same attitude continued from my SIL,and i was alone while everyone else was talking to each


other.While it was time for dinner, her SIL and MIL asked me to have but as decided before i told them i was not hungry and even my husband knowing that i wont eat, he


asked me.i told him i wouldn't. Later again my SIL's mother and SIL asked,and my answer was the same.So later my SIL came and started to shout at me for no reason in


front of her neice,MIL and SIL that i always donot listen to anyone and i am adamant and left.My husband was not aware of all this as he was busy upstairs with his BIL


and their kids.So once we reached back home, i could not control myself and cried for hours the whole night and he was so unaffected by all this that he slept off


without even noticing what was going on.Apart from the insult i had from him sister, i fel even more bad for his behavior who was just hourtless and did not even care


to ask as to what had happened.Later in the middle of the night,he comes and asks me why i am crying and then i got hysteric that i started to hit him,cry and shout at


him.Sometimes the words that would come out in anger were so rude that i would blame his mother,sister and inturn he would too abuse my parents.


Such incidents were going on every day in our house and i became so mad that i started to become physically violent with myself,bang my head against the wall,try to


hurt myself by drinking detergent liquids,cut my fingers with knife.I was in the dilemma that no one really cared for me,bothered about me or i was just being used as


a servant.As days passed,it became even more worst that during nights everyday i wouldnt sleep and cry all the time ,would leave home at night and walk off to nowhere


without telling him and stuff.I used to behave like mad,hit him with watevr i could find near,hit myself and literally created hell for him that one day he called the


police and informed that i was being physically voilent .The cops said that they would arrest me but we came to a conclusion that me husband would not stay with me for


the night at home but else where.So that was another major incident.This i did not inform my parents nor anyone,and did not allow my husband also as already there are


enough problems for the.But he used to call my mother and aunt and tell them that i was being so adamant and behaving so weirdly.They would call me and tell me to not


do all that and be careful.However,this abuse,both physical,verbal and emotional went for until one day it became such that during one of the fights my husband hit me


on my back with his legs and suddenly i could not even move a part of my body.I struggled the whole night and even then nothing improved in my situation. I thought


that was the end of my life,but fortunately after my husband took me to the emergency, i was diagnosed that it was a muscle sprain near the ribs and had to be on bed


rest for nearly 20 days without moving at all.He took care of me for the weekend and was again back to work. I even did not mind him going because he also had work


pressure.But even at that time,i did not inform my parents nor his but just told them that i fell down from the ladder and was hurt.Many such incidents happened where


in i would loose my control so easily , that is he would trigger the events it so simply and unknowingly that he would inturn blame me for being so rude and abusive.So


this went on and even our 1st anniversary was the same, with fights and arguments.Laer with either of us really interested to go for vacation, we had to since we had


already booked the accomodations and stuff. So it was just like a formal trip and nothing more.In between the most important point to mention is that one day while i


was going throught the expenses, i couldnot access the software because he had changed the password and did not inform me about the same.So later when i asked him , he


said simply he had changed.But after a day or two,he slowly told me that he had transferred an amount of nearly 12lacs to his sisters account.Even then i did not angry


as he said the reason was he had to repay his sisters amount as they took the loan for his MS in US.Onfact i even told him to repy even the balance amount they had


paid all these year for the interest as well.Also slowly he started to change his passwords for all the mails,utilities,etc.And when i ask him he would say its his


personal so i need not ask him about that.Also during one of these fights i asked him about his affair before marriage and he accepted that he had.So thinking that i


should not hide nay thing about my past, i told him about my affairs and my situation in which i had married him.Also i told him about my painful childhood.Even after


hearing,he just told me that every one would have affair before marriage,but if that continues after marriage only the problem would arise.After that not even a single


time did we have to discuss about this except when we used to fight.


Then my mother came to US for my sisters delivery and they called me and my husband for her baby shower.I had planned on going to see her after her delivery and stay


with them for a month or so,but my husband forcefully took me to her place and we drove literally 10-15 hrs to their place.After the baby shower,he left me at her


house and went away immediately as he had to report at another location.I asked him to book the return flight for me but he managed to brush it aside.Later after two


days, we received a parcel and to our shock,i was served with the divorce papers.Notice that the date on the divorce papers was the date on which we started to our


sisters house. When we received, we (me,my sister and BIL) tried calling hi,his sister and BIL was no one responded to our calls.But finally at the EOD,he answers my


BIL call and says that he had made his decision, and he had planned it for three months and nothing can be done.Also he said not to involve his family members.Later


when my mom calls his mother,she says even she does not know and since we are not kids, they can deal with it by themselves and she just says that i did not treat her


daughter properly.After that for nearly 2-3 months relatives from both sides had talks on this and even i confessed that it was my mistake as well and all that


happened because of his sister and her constant interference between us.And when she was asked about this is , she says that i did not even go to her house.I tried


every possible way but he did not change his decision.I stayed back at my sisters place as they were scared of me being alone in my house if i go back .Finaly even


before my mom was leaving US,me and my mom went to our place and tried talking with him,his sister and mother who came to US by then.But before hand he knew that we


were coming and took all his belongings from the house and shifted to his sisters place.I was not earning in US, so with little money we had with us, we went to their


house but they did not allow us to even talk a word but rather slammed the door on our face.We were like beggars literally in front of their house.We tried ringing the


bell number of times but of no use.We tried to make an arrangement to talk to them through our lawyer but even then they did not agree.As the post would go longer, i


would like to summarize here the last part as - My mother left to India,I stayed back at my sisters place and the divorce has been given in USA,but not legally in


India.Cases have been filed against my husband,MIL and SIL for 498a and maintenance cases by my father,but nothing really is moving forward.My husband is in no more


contact with us,his mother is also in US and not yet returned.Moreover my husbands BIL passed away last september.I am back in India while he is there in US.


All i know is that its both his and my mistake majorly for this to happen.Even i have not been given a chance to talk this out with anyone and no one is even ready to


help me to patch up with him.Instead they are happy that i left him and as here i am going through mental torture,i sometimes feel like comminting suicide.Even parents


are not understanding me and support me in this situation,instead my father keeps saying about my past affairs and now blames me for coming away from my husband.And now,they are already searching for alliances and not bothered to ask me about my opinion in this as well.My only point here is when i have him in m heart, how can i marry someone else and spoil their life too.


Please suggest me as to how to make things work to patch up with him.I donot find anyway to contact him,since he stopped responding to my emails or calls.Kindly suggest as how to proceed.Thanks for bearing with my long long post

 

can the ladies in the forum please bear with my long post and suggest me as to how to patch up with my husband.

Please help me out friends...... waitingsmiley:-(