Should i unfriend this person on FB? Confused

ivlakshmi · Nov 17, 2013

Hi friends,
Indus has been a great family to me . Below is my situation:
Ever since i got divorced i never thought i would like any other person. I was working with a company since 3 years and as most people know i have lost job there and joined new company this June. After 1 yr in the past company i was moved to different team and became friend with my colleague. I was also distant with him initially but later on we went for coffee , snacks and he use to be too nice to me. Many times i felt that he was interested in me. But just before me leaving this company he asked me about my ex and past. I told him to certain extent. Later he replied me to "search well and may i find the right partner all the best". After this i realised that he was really not interested in me after he came to know about my past.
Now after joining new company i have been missing him and later i was kind of bit stabilised by convincing myself that he cannot be part of my life. We don't call each other often but at times he calls me and at times i call him. He called me recently and asked me how is life going in personal front say if i got some one or not. I said no and replied that i am not expecting anything in life. He told me that he participated in some event at office and i jokingly told him that he should have tried finding lady from that fashion event. The next day he started adding all the hot ladies in that fashion event and started putting likes on their pics.
now some where i feel jealous and sad about it . May be i still love him. I am not understanding how to overcome this situation. Should i unfriend him on facebook and cut all ties with him?

sumanrathi · Nov 17, 2013

i can understand your feel.

once he heard about your past a little he keep distance from you. in this situation if you force him or some situation make both of us to marry this life will not in healthy way. it is better you should keep block this person before he go in depth in to your heart

you have already suffered a lot in your life pl. select right guy once he understood you completely and if you feel confident about that guy then you fall in love.

you know the real life now

good luck
I will pray for your happy life.

Padmash · Nov 17, 2013

Lakshmi, dont react at all. Be quiet and ignore as nothing has happened. If you dont react he will understand nothing bothers you.. but if you react there may be chances that he start thinking you took him so seriously.. why give him that importance?? Better let him enjoy his stupidities by himself.. let him be just any friend like others not special. This is what i feel.

varah · Nov 17, 2013

Ivlakshmi,

I dont think he is interested in you as his significant other. Move on. If a guy likes a girl, no matter what he would be by her side. May be he thinks you just as a friend.

Bavishya · Nov 17, 2013

Better u unfriend him it will be better to u as he kept distance after listening your past

guesshoo · Nov 17, 2013

Hi dear,

It sounds as though he is playing a game with your feelings. Or perhaps he doesn't look at you as more than a friend and he is just casually liking the other pics. If you can grit your teeth and ignore it, do so. If not, quietly unfriend him. If he asks why you unfriended him, feign ignorance. "I didn't. Really? I didn't notice. Perhaps some Facebook glitch. I'll add you back on when I get to fb." And just leave it at that

hugs
g

luckysangeetha · Nov 17, 2013

keep silence and wait he will come if he is interested in u... so patience is needed...

KP55 · Nov 17, 2013

ivlakshmi i think you are overreacting. First of all, you haven't been very honest and open with him about your feelings as well. You are also giving him mixed signals. And you are just assuming that he doesn't want to get involved with you because of your past.

Secondly, please please stop looking at every single eligible bachelor as your next husband. You are in a world of hurt, if you think this way. First, try to get to the boyfriend stage and then maybe, JUST MAYBE you can then start thinking about marriage. 1 or 2 dates should not make him marriage material.

Key thing in any relationship is honesty, trust and mutual respect. You are already not honest with your feelings with him, you already told him to go flirt with other girls. Instead that was your opportunity to tell him in a joking way "i haven't found anyone yet because i'm looking for a guy with at least some qualities like you"; and then wait to see his reaction. Or describe the guy you want to be with, while describing him, but without saying his name. See if he got the hint.

Perhaps he is confused as to what you really want and he is shy. That is why he asked you "have you found anyone yet?" But instead you brushed him off that you are not looking for anyone. What did you expect him to do?

I think you are not starting this on the right foot. A lot of indian women make a mistake by being passive and staying cold to even the person they have a crush on. Hoping that the guy himself gets the hint and continues to pursue you. Nowadays we guys dont have much time on our hands either, sometimes we need a obvious clue.

But again, if you really like this guy you HAVE to drop a hint to him. Orelse you will continue to play this rollercoaster game with your heart. Sometimes single guys need a little time to process a divorcee's past, but they come around. Especially if you didn't bring baggage from your last relationship (i.e. Kids, emotional scars, etc..).

Also beware that you don't fall in the same type of relationship as your ex. They say divorce rates are higher amongst second marriages, well at least in the west. I would strongly suggest that if you guys do end up going out, DO NOT get married right away. I would date the person for about a year before I become serious about marriage.

You should ask him, what is he looking for in a mate? Or is he serious? See if he is describing you and take it from there.

Also, by him liking model pictures doesn't mean they will date him LOL. Those girls probably have have 30 or 40 likes on their pictures. And that doesn't mean they will handpick him.

In all honesty I think both of you guys like each other and going about this in a childish way. He is liking those pics to make you jealous and you keep brushing him off. And now you want to again passively 'unfriend' him lol, you are not even giving him the courtesy of calling him and saying that "you know what I think we should stop talking to eachother". I think whatever 'friendship' you have amongst the both of you, you at least owe him a phone call why you want to stop talking to him. Again, be honest with your feelings, if you keep playing these games you will get hurt again and again.

If he wasn't interested in you I dont think he would keep in contact with you and ask you 'if you have found anyone yet'.

ivlakshmi · Nov 17, 2013

Kp55,
i really like some of the things you told.. Yes i feel that it is my stupidity that i gave this suggestion of adding women. I said so to know his reaction and see what is there in his mind as he has been rehearsing for that show since 1 month with the ladies and most of the women are really fast. I am average looking person and was not sure what is happening.
i am not looking every single bachelor as my husband. I have my views about my life partner.
I was really mad at what he has done and hidden all my friends list and my pics from him in FB. I dont have baggage from past.
I don't know if he wants me to be jealous or he likes my idea and wanted to go ahead with it.