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Confused and torn husband

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by dk69488, Oct 7, 2013.

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  1. Oct 8, 2013 #11
    simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    Don't blame yourself for the betrayal. You are not the one that betrayed. She is the one that did so.
     
    simpleMom, Oct 8, 2013
    simpleMom, Oct 8, 2013
    #11
  2. Oct 8, 2013 #12
    dk69488

    dk69488 Bronze IL'ite

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    I am not the one that betrayed - I do sleep well knowing that!...

    The hurt! - thats another issue...and my poor kids...they did nothing to deserve this...I am still hoping for an amicable outcome for all - including my wife...I do wish her the best - she is still the mother of my kids...

    I just need to un-muddle my head :)
     
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    #12
    1 person likes this.
  3. Oct 8, 2013 #13
    dk69488

    dk69488 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thank you for your support...I am trying to put up a brave face every day...I still get up with a smile - "say good morning - hope u have a good day" - the usual pleasantries, and she is responding to it...

    but she is still closed - unable to hug or kiss. We sleep in different rooms - no intimacy - she said that she feels like a stranger is sharing the bed when I sleep in the same room...pretty hurtful for someone who cheated on me...

    The way I take it is that she is still smarting from being called out on her infractions!!

    Sigh !!
     
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    #13
  4. Oct 8, 2013 #14
    dk69488

    dk69488 Bronze IL'ite

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    People do change with time...but I believe that the core values remain...and that is my struggle - we are different in the core

    Both nice - but different - like oil and water...it feels like we can never blend homogenously!
     
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    #14
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  5. Oct 8, 2013 #15
    dk69488

    dk69488 Bronze IL'ite

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    Your suggestions are well-intentioned...I should have recognized, complimented her more...I should have...an honest mistake...I always noticed her physical beauty!...and she is really beautiful!...but I held back because of the dichotomy in my on mind !!...she was a bit self-serving (lacked the inner beauty in my mind)...

    You know the kind that are beautiful and know it!!...they loose that luster in my opinion.

    I find your comments interesting that we can NEVER be a normal couple. That is what I am hoping for...A marriage of convenience is what she has now - but I am trying hard to make it work for me as well.
     
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    #15
  6. Oct 8, 2013 #16
    dk69488

    dk69488 Bronze IL'ite

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    Thanks!...I am indeed seriously contemplating moving out!...I just can't bear the pain to see my kids suffer if I do that!...I am visualizing a scenario where I can spend the evenings with my kids and once they go to bed, I leave to my apartment...

    Also, do fun things with them over the weekends!...However, wife needs to cooperate and kids will also notice that dad lives elsewhere!...

    I know I can't protect or completely insulate my kids ...but I am trying to make it as easy as possible for them ...oh lord!...help me through this!
     
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    dk69488, Oct 8, 2013
    #16
  7. Oct 8, 2013 #17
    simpleMom

    simpleMom Gold IL'ite

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    You plan to move out alone and leave kids with your spouse? Don't you think it is too convenient solution for you to leave the kids with her and you have independent life in an apartment?
     
    simpleMom, Oct 8, 2013
    simpleMom, Oct 8, 2013
    #17
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  8. Oct 8, 2013 #18
    hotchillipepper

    hotchillipepper Gold IL'ite

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    Blessings for your kids and you and your wife. I hope everybody find their peace.
     
    hotchillipepper, Oct 8, 2013
    hotchillipepper, Oct 8, 2013
    #18
  9. Oct 8, 2013 #19
    Rihana

    Rihana Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Why do I get the feeling that bhabhi is a bhaisahab? :)

    Meaning: Sister-in-law is actually a brother.
     
    Rihana, Oct 8, 2013
    Rihana, Oct 8, 2013
    #19
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  10. Oct 8, 2013 #20
    rathiprasad

    rathiprasad Silver IL'ite

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    You are focusing too much on yourself and your happiness and your well-being.Why don't you come out of your space and go into your wife's or your kids space.
    You know your wife's background and the reason for her behavior. Her dad was authoritarian and she grew up fitting into that environment where silence was golden.
    along come you expecting a well-tuned and well-honed conversationalist. guess what? people don't change overnight.
    13 years of marriage and after having kids you realise you are in the doldrums? Sounds like a 13 year itch to me. moving out will not resolve anything..in fact the situation will get worse with your kids being impacted.
    why don't you for once see your wife as a human being needing acknowledgment, praise and appreciation. after all she did bear you the kids..appreciate her for being the mother of your children. put your expectations aside but keep focusing on her..it will take time but there will be results.
    as it is you are brushing her off with a set of expectations that never got fulfilled..
     
    rathiprasad, Oct 8, 2013
    rathiprasad, Oct 8, 2013
    #20
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