How do parents take daughter's divorce issue

Hi Preethi,

Thanks a lot for you kind words and a warm hug. The situation is bad, I really feel lonely, no friends to talk to or share anything...But life doesnt stop, we got to live life as it comes and thats what I am doing. Hope things will get better.
Thanks alot for your reply and concern.

Hi Teddy

I relate to you 100%. You are in US right. I can tell u you are in a much better place as compared to India, atleast people don't unnecesaary poke nose into your affairs and you can go out alone and still feel secure.

As far as friends are concerned, its good not to have anyone , rather than to have pseudo friends, who listen to you, but don't believe you. I had made this mistake of considering few people as my friends and though that they would understand. but , generally people don't and they are not to be blamed for that, as only the wearer can know where the shoe pinches.

This forum can be of help to you for sharing your concerns and turmoils, as having gone through the same difficult phase we can boost up each other.Don't withdraw into your shell, share and consider us as your friends and well-wishers

Best wishes
Ansh

Hi Teddy,
My friend’s daughter has also applied for a divorce. And I can very well understand the real pain and the mental suffering the parents are experiencing.
India itself is experiencing a sea change regarding this divorce issue. Though the parents have to face the society, the scenario is changing now. The parents are bold enough to allow the divorced daughter to live with them. Nowadays the parents can understand their daughters' problems and if the daughters are really undergoing acute marital problems, the parents are very supportive.
Dont feel lonely. Keep yourself busy always. Be strong.
Appreciate what you are. Define what you want in life. Become the leader within your life.
Take care.
Lakshmi.

Hi Ansh,
Thank you very much for your response. I really know that I am in a better position by being in US. There are no one like relatives and family friends to keep asking about the divorce and family issues. It is very difficult to explain every one about whats going on in our lives. And my relatives will make it a big issue.

So I want to be here, atleast till I come to terms with this and I am confident that I am ready to face people with any kind of questions.
I would love to come back to India and stay with my parents, as even they are getting old. But have to wait for some more years.

And as far as friends, IL is part of my life now. There is always one window open on my laptop.

and Ansh, thanks for being there and being a good friend. For all the replies you gave for my problems.

Howzz is your daughter studying?

Take care and good luck.

Hi Lakshmi,

Thanks a lot for responding.
I know that it is very difficult for parents to handle the pain of daughters divorce and on top of it, answering people about it. Thats y iam concerned for my parents.
Hope things will be easy for them to handle.

And as u said, parents are being supportive now a days. I have known my friends who are in bad marriages and suffering and this is because of lack of parents support and being independent.

Thanks Lakshmi for the boost and the push which I badly needed

Hi Itsmeteddy

You are already so brave taking such a big decision and really this site is really wonderful for the warmth support and advice. Will keep dropping by to say hi do take care.
a warm hug to you.
best wishes
preethi

Hi Teddy,

Its the wedlock that was giving you pain right...so now don't consider this separation as a pain ...but look forward to the happy days ahead.

Today we need to be more practical than emotional...otherwise sometimes we feel let down by ourselves (no joke). Atleast if you are free from this situation, you will have some breathing space and peace.

Do keep courage and if you have a good job there go ahead and enjoy your work and the single status. God is great he has some better plans for you for your future.

God bless
Roopa.

Thank you Roopa for the encouraging words and your time.

Hi,

I want to advise you as the mother of a daughter who has just left her husband. When we came to know that our daughter was suffering because she was being illtreated by her husband and his mother, we told her at once that if she was not being treated with respect , she should tell them she was entitled to love and respect as a wife and daughter-in-law. If they persisted in illtreating her, she should walk out of the marriage and that she would have our full support in any decision she made.

The whole thing had been going on for a year and our daughter had been trying to manage things by adjusting and compromising in order to save her marriage before we got an inkling -- we stay in different countries- and finally when things got to the breaking point, she left her husband with our full support and help. We have two other children,a daughter and a son ,and we know that living in the Indian society ,that this is going to impact all our lives, but we will not sacrifice one child for the sake of the other children. Today my daughter is trying to get divorced, with the other side trying to lay down the terms to us, even though she has waived all demands to alimony etc. Not only that, the husband went to the extent of getting a forged credit card in her namd and ran up expenses on that. Only the fact that we found out in time and his fear of being prosecuted by the bank forced him to pay up the amount, but even now he pretends to his lawyer - a reputed Supreme Court lawyer- and to us that it was all a mistake on the part of the bank. We have a list of wrongdoings and lies that we can clearly prove in a ny court, but the fact that he belongs to an affluent family from Delhi which claims to 'know' people and makes threats to us and our desire to just get away from this sociopath, that keeps us from prosecuting him. All this came out after our daughter walked out on him. His mother even told my daughter that a woman's role in Hindu society is to serve her husband as a man deserves to be waited on hand and foot by his mother and his wife .

So, what I am telling you is that parents want their daughter to be happy in her marriage and if she is not happy, and if the reason for the unhappiness is the husband --by his behaviour or attitude or the way he treats her - they will not force her to stay with him. Yes, they will be very very unhappy that their daughter is suffering, but they will stand by her.

Talk to your parents before taking a decision, tell them all the problems without holding back anything. They will be able to advise you on the best solution to the problem. If you are educated and mature and feel you can decide what is best for you, then tell them your decision and why you have made the decision. They will definitely support you. Keep your inlaws out of the picture unless they are extremely fair and reasonable. From our experience I can tell you a man's parents will support only their son, never the daughter-in-law in 99% of the cases. So don't worry about their reaction.

If you are 100% certain your marriage has nowhere to go, don't waste any more years of your life trying to pull along in a dead relationship.

Socially speaking, US is a better place for a woman under-going divorce. But India is a better place legally.

In India, the laws have been enacted keeping in mind the social set up and the various handicaps that women face because of their gender.

In India, women opt for divorce only if the situation becomes unbearable. Only if the torture exceeds what any human can undergo, women decide to go for divorce.

And once a woman reaches that stage, it is just acceptable that she uses all the Indian laws available to them - and trust me, the husband and his whole family will cry once a woman decides to make them run around the courts