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A rant…

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by hgulla, Apr 7, 2013.

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  1. Apr 9, 2013 #21
    Naksh

    Naksh Platinum IL'ite

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    Cheer up man Halla Gulla.......please....

    Good Luck & Best Wishes.
     
    Naksh, Apr 9, 2013
    Naksh, Apr 9, 2013
    #21
    1 person likes this.
  2. Apr 10, 2013 #22
    hgulla

    hgulla Silver IL'ite

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    All,

    Your comforting words helped me get through the day. Thanks so much.

    Riya, Anahita and all, I keep myself busy, week days are usually hectic with work, weekends I hike, do restaurants, shopping, movies or travel. The loneliness I feel sometimes is lack of companionship, no matter how many close friends we have, how many people we talk to, how much fun things we do, I miss that aspect of my relationship. I mean someone to love and to be feeling loved. Otherwise I have a good life, blessed with great friends, family and career.

    Shreya, my wife did not get job with her EAD, or I should say she did not even try. She is recovering well from her emotional issues, beginning to focus now by revising her courses to apply for jobs, but again like her previous cycles, I don't know how long this one is going to last. She seems to have lost all her determination, motivation and zeal, but is trying to get it back. We are living under the same roof for GC pretty much. Nothing has changed between us, both of us are so physically and mentally disconnected, 2 years is a long time. I could draw a lot of flak for saying this again, I want her to get her GC because she is pretty much screwed without it or a H1. After all we have been through, that's her last ray of hope for a decent life in US. Yes, you could say I am bending, I don't know what to do, I have no heart to screw her. No matter what, this year will be our last year under the same roof.

    Uttaraa, thank you for the encouraging words. I hope I will be as lucky as your friend, congratulations to him. I did everything I could to save my marriage. I do/will not have any regrets with my efforts. I am ready to move on.

    Naksh bhai! your posts happy me :) you have a great sense of humor!

    Thank you all again!
     
    hgulla, Apr 10, 2013
    hgulla, Apr 10, 2013
    #22
    1 person likes this.
  3. Apr 10, 2013 #23
    Iamagoodgirl

    Iamagoodgirl Platinum IL'ite

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    How about starting to live as a single?
     
    Iamagoodgirl, Apr 10, 2013
    Iamagoodgirl, Apr 10, 2013
    #23
  4. Apr 12, 2013 #24
    omnam

    omnam Platinum IL'ite

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    Hi Hgulla,

    Never knew guys are also so much emotional. But sure your wife will regret of leaving you in later stage of life. I always think of my H this way only but never know how true it is!

    Always decent ppl have such life. I know many happily married men flirt leaving dignity and decensy without thinking of their families.

    Nothing can divert your mind. I being in such situation tried shopping, spiritual, holiday, friends and everything. But nothing could change me. It is phase we have to live and try come out of it quickly if can't be fixed.
    You feel void all the time. Being single, holiday with frnds used to be fun but now it kills you, you feel lost all the time. Solution for this is come out of the situaion asap, give time for yourself and get ready for better person who can be your partner for entire life.
     
    omnam, Apr 12, 2013
    omnam, Apr 12, 2013
    #24
  5. Apr 12, 2013 #25
    BharatS

    BharatS Gold IL'ite

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    Stay strong for what ever the decision you have taken in life. I just have to say one thing, just because a man and woman cant be good couple, doesnt mean they cannot be good friends.

    I dont know what have been your problems, but if both of you have already signed off from this marriage and staying under the roof only for a specific purpose, well be it.

    But will it not be possible to stay at least as friends? I know it needs certain level of maturity in both, which i think you have. I see yours is not a case of abuse or cheating etc, but incompatibility.
    That doesnt mean you both are enemies. Because smooth exit from this marriage can help you both to retain some confidence in maintaining future relationships

    Anyway, you are the best judge for your situation.

    Good luck.
     
    BharatS, Apr 12, 2013
    BharatS, Apr 12, 2013
    #25
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  6. Apr 12, 2013 #26
    FE40

    FE40 Silver IL'ite

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    Its the best thing to do .... in this situation of yours. When we try to be friends, we do not expect anything, we just try to do the best. Just try it on your part, if you can succeed .... both can be happy without bitterness, now and after too.
     
    FE40, Apr 12, 2013
    FE40, Apr 12, 2013
    #26
  7. Apr 12, 2013 #27
    nebpharm

    nebpharm Bronze IL'ite

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    u seems a sensitive guy . marry meeee he he he . just kiddin. actually i m in the same boat. my marriage is in hell n i m livin separately. i can totally understand ur situation.
    u know time changes. this too will pass. be brave. u will b happy soon. just let this time pass. all the best.
     
    nebpharm, Apr 12, 2013
    nebpharm, Apr 12, 2013
    #27
  8. Apr 13, 2013 #28
    ProudIndian

    ProudIndian Gold IL'ite

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    Dear hgulla I can understand your pain. big hug to you. You should feel lucky at least innocent kids are not involved in your bad marriage. Always there is good time ahead when you get pain. This phase shall pass. I wish you both get GC this year asap. Hang in there. Yes and try to be friends if possible. Bitterness will never take you anywhere. GL!!
     
    ProudIndian, Apr 13, 2013
    ProudIndian, Apr 13, 2013
    #28
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  9. Apr 13, 2013 #29
    hgulla

    hgulla Silver IL'ite

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    @Iamagoodgirl
    We are getting there, just waiting for her to get a job and be financially independent.

    @OmNam
    Sorry about your situation. We may think people who do sins are living happy etc. but the reality is we never know other people's lives. I am actually handling my situation pretty OK, as always there will be dull days every now and then, but I am trying to thinking past my situation and getting better at it. No matter how we plan our lives, there are always surprises. Are you planning to get married again? started to look for guys? It is inspiring how strong you are, your daughter will be very proud of you someday.

    @Bharat and FE40
    Thank you for your perspective and you are absolutely right. Actually my wife and myself have a pretty decent and supportive relationship. Although we both are angry with each other for all the hurt and our future, we try not to show it and just move on day to day. Sometimes we go out for dinner, see movie or shop. Our common friends still talk to both of us, we visit them or they visit us or meet somewhere common. It may sound odd to you that we do many things together, but we have realized it's no point fighting or being mean to each other, it reduces stress and help us focus on other bigger things.

    @nebpharm
    You are tempting me :), just kidding. I am sorry for your situation. Your advice is what I'm living on, HOPE, hope for a better and happier future. I wish you the same as well, if you ever have to rant some day, I'm all ears!

    @ProudIndian
    Thank you.

    Thank you all for your comforting words and advice.
     
    hgulla, Apr 13, 2013
    hgulla, Apr 13, 2013
    #29
  10. Apr 13, 2013 #30
    nebpharm

    nebpharm Bronze IL'ite

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    hope is the only option we have. u have a gud life otherwise so enjoy that in meantime. things will definately change. i m givin all this gyan to u n my own life is more trouble than anyone else here . i can bet! I dont have hope for a normal life even. I just want a respectable n secured life ahead. happiness is not in my agenda as for now. the above is my state of mind 4 daz a week . the other 3 daz i m like-- common ria u r smart, beautiful , educated n nice girl (i just luv to think this about myself). u shld try to improve ur self n shld not wait for any one to come n make ur life beatiful.
    so my thoughts move between these 2 extreems. the saga of my thoughts is endless so lets talk about u. time will heal everything. but ur healing will start from the time when ur wife will b out of ur sight. dont get me wrong u r doin nice n stick wid ur plan but plz dont expect from urself to b disconnected while livin, shoppin etc wid her. this is the best way to deal things in present situation but obviously u have to suffer aa bit .
    all the best for future .
     
    nebpharm, Apr 13, 2013
    nebpharm, Apr 13, 2013
    #30
    1 person likes this.
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