Need advice.upset again- New match

Make sure that nobody is going to force you into something which u dont like...bcoz when someone asks u do something and u do not like it then it is going to be a mess again..so dont ask anyone ask urself if you like proceed else drop...its your life..

 

Laxmi... dont go by photo's... Though many ppl say -- first impression is the last impression... its not true always...

dont judge anything until you meet the guy. At the end what should matter is --- that he should be willing to keep you happy and you should be comfortable spending rest of your life with him.

Good Luck to you!!

 

Do not rush into anything. Looks are not important but I have known people who have gotten divorced because they are not attracted to their spouse. So make your own decision.

 

[JUSTIFY]Lakshmi,

To have 'preference' for partner is a nice thing! It portrays your understanding of self - what you want & what you don't want (significant).

If you've never been attracted to men who didn't fall in your canonical definition of 'attractive', I'd advise you to skip this match unless as wondergirl raised a pertinent point - no harm in meeting in person to decisively rule out that you find him only tepidly appealing.

Having said that, I'm curious to know if there has been any recent alignment of your thoughts to categorize a man as 'desirous'. Eulogizing your ex's physical traits in the context of contemplating prospective groom is alarming if you are seeking requital by showing what you are capable of achieving. We are tuned naturally for 'vengeance' when we are hurt. It brings closure to our pain and suffering. Coupled with our impatience we seek easy-wins. It is very important for you to understand the inputs to the specification of eligible grooms you'e drafted.

1. Prove to your ex that he is a loser?
2. Show to the world that you are winner?
3. He is my dream boy. (mention of ex triggered former options).

Marry a tall and handsome guy, everyone admires your sense of conjugality in choosing wisely. We are driven by our primordial instincts of judging fitting relationships in terms of physical compatibility. Quick-win! And we know how much we all love to be 'winners'! Futile to even embark on proving that you have the most wonderful life married to someone who is not conventionally matching your exterior beauty. You don't wanna fight that pyrrhic battle! Especially, second time around, there is pressing need to prove, show and do better.

Your following statement that you may not be able to reciprocate amorous passion allays my concerns that you are self-aware of what keeps you happy. As long as you know, what keeps you happy and your partner happier, don't settle for something you cannot handle. Reason and see why you are seeking what you are seeking - might assist you in determining if could proceed with this match.[/JUSTIFY]

 

Rather checking for his looks please check reasons for his divorce.

Attraction and smart looks will fade away when start talking to you and not-so good looking person will attract you with his nature.

My friends married...love marriage...guy is short and thin, gal is tall and heavy. I m not giving u gyan but u dont reject just for his height.

 

Lakshmi,

Calm down!

And I support you in your outlook of admiring what one 'likes'. My analysis was to assist you in understanding the genesis of your 'liking'. I'm sorry if I ruffled your pain. Apologise and assure it was unintentional - prolly conveyed my concern muted with ill-worded message or ambiguity interspersed in my response (too knackered yesterday). Lakshmi, you are the best person to know what works out and need not justify, provide reason or explain to 'ME' or anyone - as long as it brings happiness ..be it looks, wit, education, personality or vibes exchanged (reiterate I'd still defend but prod you [yeh a streak of doubting thomas] to reinforce your assertion of what you need). As I mentioned, juxtaposing two different timelines (ex and prospective) in the context of screening suitable partners has nudged me to butt in with my viewpoint.

I understand you have rallied to the best of your mind and mettle now, having recovered, to decide your future. The last thing you need is a random stranger ranting on the net who read too much into your post ..have a lovely day sweety...

P.S: Lakshmi, yes I've a rosy life, even viewed with grey tinted glasses, it is tad envious life that I lead TODAY. But I worked very hard to be where I'm - does not mean I respect, admire any less or do not understand what you have been through. Every day is either another mundane battle or a captivating challenge!

 

Lets be honest in saying that looks do matter specially in arranged marriages where one does not get the opportunity to know the person.
Looks remain more or less the same, a tall person cannot grow short , neither will a short person grow taller!
Its very necessary to 'like' the person one is getting married to.
After all the girl and boy have to live together for the rest of their life not their relatives , parents or well-wishers.
Many men lay a lot of importance on the looks of their spouse, women should also have the same freedom of choice.
Some people want their spouse to be good-looking, its their choice, lets respect that .:coffee

 

I too vote for it, 'looks do matter'. Not that the groom has to be handsome like a model, but has to match with our looks, that's it.

Even when we are attending conferences, or in some outing, where we are left to face strangers, we are more comfortable to talk to people who are familiar in looks, like the same region, same state, etc., isn't? We do make friends with many people who are from other regions, but it happens slowly and after we get to know that person.

When we are looking for our partner, we do the same, absolutely nothing wrong in it. Personality matching is necessary. Physical compatibility should be there in couples.

But even if the looks are totally different, and we get to like that person for some other personality trait, then 'looks' go behind.

Dear ivlakshmi, just follow your choice. God has created us in this world, and he would have created a partner for you too. Sooner he will be in front of your eyes. Dont worry, best of luck on that.

 

I feel that looks is important in that one should feel attracted to the prospective spOuse. However, it is not god to compare this guy with your ex. I find its not right to reject just bcos of height. He is the same height as you and not shorter. It's good that you are mtg him.

PS: my husband is just slightly taller than me and I cant wear high heels. My 1st boyfriend was tall but he was never serious about marriage.