Is it possible to be friends with your ex

Hi ILites

Is possible to be friends with your former spouse? Should one be friends with him/her?

I feel if one is able to strike a friendship , it will surely give some stabillity to the child. but, is it possible to fogive andf forget all the bitterness one has gone through. I sometimes wonder how, many celebrities are able to maintain friendly relations with their ex-spouse (for ex. Dimple and Rajesh Khanna, Babita and Randhir kapoor etc. etc.). Are they more mature, more snesible and more forgiving?

I invite all of you to join discussion.

Thanks and Regards
Ansh12

Hi Ansh12,

I think it's possible to maintain friendship with the ex. And as you say it's good for the kids to see their parents talking to each other even though they live seperately. But it does also matter on what circumstances they got seperated. If it was due to the husband being rude to his wife like physically torturing her or a psycho or there may be many reasons. So it's all with the individual to think and decide whether to continue a friendship or never see the person again.

As far as the celebrities do you think they are really maintaining friendship because they want to. I would say NO. they want to maintain their image and to show off that they forgot what the other did and they are able to maintain friendship. So please don't ever compare people with celebrities.

Cheers,
Malar

I agree with Malar here. The husband needs to be a father to his child. He has gotten a divorce but he is still accountable to his children as he is still their father. He cannot (and should not) escape from his responsibilities.

He needs to step up and provide for his children and meet them regularly. If he doesn't want to then the court's help needs to be taken.

Of course if he is an abusive father, then its best to keep yr family away from such a man.

love,
Aarushi

there are certain relations we should maintain for our children, not that u misguide them, but at a tender age they may love the spouse who has left more and if not attended immediately will get into a shell and will always think u to be the culprit for throwing that person out who loved them more.

however much you may support but the person concerned is more important than all materialistic things put together, so find a solution even if you are unable to be in their presence make an effort for the children until they grow..

in those days woman were more tolerant and were going through all problems as they had support from the parents and society but not for a divorce as such, now i do appreciate the stand of taking it and leaving to live in peace, but it is said a known devil is any day better, so defenitely you know your ex and will be able to handle things.

sunkan

Hi Sunkun

I always look forward to your reply they are precise as well as concise.

I did try to be friends with my ex, but he though that i would blackmail him, be in touch with him through child. So, he didn't keep contact, not even wishing on child's b'day.

Anyway "Better alone than in bad company"

Thanks
Ansh12

Anshu12,
This question is very pertinent to my life. I am in the process of separating from my husband. He is an alright father, but extremly egoistic and self indulgent. Basically, he expects the kids to fluff his ego, rather than give them unconditionally. So, I am not sure if having such a dad in their life is good or bad. May be more posts to this thread will help me with the decision making too.

Hi Drjp

I don't know if I should congratulate you on getting out of a bad marriage or sympathise with you for having to undergo separation, whne you have kids also.

One thing that I have learnt from my breakup is that if tow persons are mature enough(?), then there is no harm in letting the child meet either parent.But, if in disguse of meeting one parent starts poisoning the mind of other then its better for the child not to meet the parent. Its always better for the child to know that he hasn't got the other parent vailable rather than be in a dilemma as to who is right who is wrong. As situation lead to immense emotional stress and turmoil.

So, if you thinnk, being freind with your ex would have an healthy impac on your kids then it the best thing for your kids after separation, otherwise, they are better with you.

Best wishes
Ansh

Originally Posted by drjp

Anshu12,
This question is very pertinent to my life. I am in the process of separating from my husband. He is an alright father, but extremly egoistic and self indulgent. Basically, he expects the kids to fluff his ego, rather than give them unconditionally. So, I am not sure if having such a dad in their life is good or bad. May be more posts to this thread will help me with the decision making too.

Hi folks,

Everyone here are speaking about being friends with ur ex- spouse only because of children.I too agree with this.

So how it would be if there r no children.

Coming to my case

1)My husband has also brought a proposal that we can be frnds after seperation,like sending mails to eachother.

2)He says that We can remarry again after 10 yrs if he feels he needs me or after getting divorce also we can remarry.Regd this his side elders gave me some hollywood movie example where wife and husband gets seperated and marries again for abt 10 times.
Is that above things possible in normal life???

I strongly beleive that this is not possible in practical life, as we are in contact again we always reminds the things which hurted.

It seems I have kissed my husband infront my inlaws when we are in trip, so they commented me that I dont have culture at all and I am not eligible to his wife??Is that true.

looking foward for ur suggestions..

hugs,
dg

One thing i have noticed in such situations that i have seen around me that the mother has never poisoned the ears of the kids against the father...they have left it on the kids to decide who is what.

If the kids are not very comfortable with their dad...they themselves will slowly stop seeing him.

In one case i have seen that mother is hand to mouth and can't afford to give any luxuries to her son...but father who has remarried has money so the son is attracted there.

Then this is life.

Is it possible to be friends with your ex.

If that is possible we would not have thought of separation.You have to think more than thousand times before deciding about divorce.In my opinion if there is a free communication and a mind set to understand each other and throw away the ego,most of the marriages can be saved without any interference of others.
We do mail them and go places and talk to each other after separation. why not earlier?
jayashree

Originally Posted by dream.girl

Hi folks,

Everyone here are speaking about being friends with ur ex- spouse only because of children.I too agree with this.

So how it would be if there r no children.

Coming to my case

1)My husband has also brought a proposal that we can be frnds after seperation,like sending mails to eachother.

2)He says that We can remarry again after 10 yrs if he feels he needs me or after getting divorce also we can remarry.Regd this his side elders gave me some hollywood movie example where wife and husband gets seperated and marries again for abt 10 times.
Is that above things possible in normal life???

I strongly beleive that this is not possible in practical life, as we are in contact again we always reminds the things which hurted.

It seems I have kissed my husband infront my inlaws when we are in trip, so they commented me that I dont have culture at all and I am not eligible to his wife??Is that true.

looking foward for ur suggestions..

hugs,
dg