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How much trustworthy are Indian matrimonial Sites?

Discussion in 'Life Without Spouse' started by rms1, Jun 4, 2011.

  1. rms1

    rms1 New IL'ite

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    Hi,

    I just turned 30 two days ago. I am from gujarati jain family and I got married 2.5 years ago when I was 27 but my marriage only lasted for 4 months due to impotency of husband and extreme and severe mental torture by in-laws. I recently got legally divorced finally I am fully free and so now I want to register with local marriage beuro and matrimonial websites.

    Guys I need your help here, will you kindly to help me please, I will be grateful to you:

    My father is no more. My mother and my aunts uncles do not have much more contacts now to find right alliance or match for me. Now the only way for me is to register with such matrimonial website and register with some local marriage beuro, I haven't start the procedure but am planning to start process of finding a match. But the profiles as per my crieteria is very limited however.

    I want to know and have few questions as follows:

    1) I know there are few famous websites like shaadi.com, bharatmatrimony.com and jeevansaathi, etc. One can register for free but paid service is also available. What is the difference between free service and paid service to this matrimonial websites?

    2) What are the advantages and benefits of paid service and what are the disadvantages of free service?

    3) What is the authenticity of the candidate's profile and information in it. I mean can the profile be fake or information given by the candidate about his qualification and income can be fake?

    4) I have already suffered from first marriage but now I dont want to suffer anymore. My ex told me so much lies. What steps should I take now to not to be fooled by someone. Should I shamelessly ask the desired candidate to show me his address proof, income proof, his marksheets and certificates, his legal docs of divorce and can I fearlessly and shamelessly ask him to get the required blood tests like HIV positive and thelesemia minor, etc. If I ask for above then will the candidate feel offended. Because in Indian culture people are more prone to see horoscope rather than all this and guys may even get offended even if we ask their income. Strange culture.

    5) One more question I have is that most of those guys who are even of older age like 35 + but if they are never married then they only prefer never married girls and don't prefer divorcee girl, why? Even sometimes divorced guys also prefer never married girl?

    I know some of you might suggest that arrange marriage is not a better option. But sometimes in life we actually dont have any option. I am not so ugly but I dont know I never had a boyfriend. Still not having. I too get thrilled by love marriage but to do love marriage we have to be in contact with someone to love.

    Before marriage my parents told me that it is better to get married from same community as atleast they are known ppl and I got married a guy from my caste only but still fate has lead to divorce, dont know what sins I did in the past.

    But registering in marriage beuro and matrimonial portal means going for total stranger but I have not much option also now for finding groom through known source, how do I know what will happen after marriage? How do I know why they are divorced?

    When my divorce process was going on at that time I interviewed 8 guys referred by our relatives, but I just liked 5 of them and even they were very positive for me before but as soon as I told them that I would like to financially help my mother after marriage and fund my younger brother's education, they rejected me.

    OMG Why marriage is such a big gamble, no certainty and guarantee of happiness and safety but still our social structure leaves no option for an individual but to get married and settle down.

    Please help me people, if you have any more unique suggestion for me then you are most welcome.
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2011
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  2. RadiantCat

    RadiantCat Gold IL'ite

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  3. itzgayathri

    itzgayathri Junior IL'ite

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    hi i know it is little bit difficult to get re-married.guys are like dat only.wat to do?i dont think the matrimonial sites are trustworthy.anyone can give false information.sites do not check fr authenticity.better u can contact a local matrimonial agent or give advertisement in local newspapers,especially English..u ll get very good response by advt in newspapers.i got like dat fr my sis.but we have to be careful in interviewing them,need arises contact the ex-wife of ur groom and cross check.whatever the thing is never ever hasten..take ur time and choose wisely..gud luck to u..rms!
     
    Last edited: Jun 6, 2011
  4. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    I think its a good decision that you are thinking about remarriage. Your fears are valid, considering you have gone through a lot.

    Now, with regards to matrimonial websites, I have met my husband through bharatmatrimony. My sister met her husband through shaadi.com and more recently my good friend met his wife through shaadi.com. Having said this, it has taken some time and effort on my part too to meet the right one. But in all the 3 cases, we have been happily married for over 4 years and above now. So yes, even though there are people who give false information on these websites, there are tons of people who give correct info too.

    Now your questions: These are the answers based on my own experience 4 years ago.

    1. With a free membership you can only express an interest or send a standard message. With a paid membership, you can actually get the contact details like email address and email them.

    2. The advantage of a paid service is that, if you like a profile, you can immediately send him an email. The email ID is not displayed in free service. This will show the prospective groom that you are seriously interested because you have spent time and money trying to contact him.

    3 and 4. yes, it is possible that the information provided is fake. What I did was, when we contacted each other, we exchanged a few emails and if all went went ok, we exchanged phone numbers too. Once you start talking to the guy for sometime, more than likely you will know what he is telling is true or not. If you are not 100% sure, you can politely ask him directly that if he doesnt mind, you would like to cross check this particular info. You can explain yourself that since you had a bad experience in the past, you are being careful and that your intention of asking this is not to offend him. If he is a practical guy, he will understand. Even when it comes to medical tests, you can tell him that you dont mind doing the same. What ever you ask, make sure that you assure him that from your side also you furnish all the necessary details.
    Don't feel ashamed to ask this. there is nothing wrong in asking and in any case, its better to be paranoid than be sorry.

    5. Its a personal choice, so I will refrain from commenting on that.

    One thing I can think of is that, dont look at this process as an "interview". Let there be some natural flow to the conversation. I mean, in the first meeting itself, dont ask or dont offer the salary details, address and all. Make small casual talk like asking about hobbies, his long term goals, his favorite movies etc. See if he is able to keep up with the conversation well and see if you are actually comfortable with him.

    Give yourself and him a chance to know each other a little better before you ask serious questions like finances, pending debts, children etc. usually after about 3 or 4 phone calls or meets, you will know the person well enough and then you can ask more important questions.
    Please remember that its not an interview.

    All the best my dear:thumbsup. May God bless every initiative of yours.
     
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  5. rms1

    rms1 New IL'ite

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    Thank you very much itzgayathri for your guidance and wishes,
    I wish I can ask to contact his ex and he agrees to it, but if he ask to contact my ex then I cant allow it, well, if you put a milk near a cat and expect it will not drink then that is next to impossible. If he contact my ex then definately he will badmouth abt me and anyhow convince him not to marry me, and whether the prospective groom reject me or select me, my ex will definitely make my life hell if he come to know I am trying to remarry. Also my ex challanged me during seperation tht find another if you can, I will not spare you. So whoever I consider I will have to tell him that only marry me if you are strong and never believe anyone if someone try to turn you against me, my ex will definately try to contact you and badmouth abt me.
     
  6. rms1

    rms1 New IL'ite

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    Thank you Rakhii for your valuable guidance. Thank you very much for reading my post in detail and answering in exact sequence all my questions, the info provided by you is very much useful to me. Thanks for your wishes.

    All the best for your delivery, take good care of yourself. :thumbsup

    I recently got offer from a guy who has a 3 year old kid but not living with him as custody is with mother. I liked him but actually I am preferring the one who dont have kid. Though kid is not living with him but I guess she will come to meet her father occasionally, so this guy may expect me to treat the kid nicely which I dont mind but then I am not sure how I will feel abt it and how kid will feel abt me if she grow up, even I like the kids but I never have been a mother so I dont think that I can actually shower my love like a mother to one who I know as the kid of his ex. Actually I am not sure abt it. What do I do, should I go for that guy?
     
  7. vijikrish

    vijikrish Gold IL'ite

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    Hi,
    Did you find why that guy left his wife with 3 year old child? 3 year old seems to small now, may be chance will bond with you well, depends on ex how she lets her child bond with you. You may have to think twice, if you are not ready to mother for a child (atleast sometimes)
    Good Luck
     
  8. Rakhii

    Rakhii Moderator IL Hall of Fame

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    rms, thank you for the wishes. have a bad headache today (again).

    Anyway, you are still young, i am sure you will find someone with no kids if that is what you really want.
    Having said this, the girl seems very young, its easier to bond with children of that age than grown up children (I am guessing). If you really like the guy, give him a chance and see how this progresses. Since the custody is with mother, more than likely the dad gets to see his daughter only once or twice a week. Say yes to this only if you think the guy is too good to pass (because you still prefer someone with no kids).
     
  9. zipzipzoomzoom

    zipzipzoomzoom Gold IL'ite

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    I'm 30 and have had some experience with these websites. Will try to answer your inquiries


    Paid service allows you to write messages to person you are interested. Free service merely allows you to "express interest". It is up to the person to write a message to you but if he is also free, he can only "express interest", and the correspondence goes no where.


    Anyone can write anything about themselves. Married men post profiles of themselves, but hide their photographs. Sad but true.
    But, to minimize the number of jerks who contact you, mention in your profile that you are a parent posting for his daughter. Believe me, that works!

    I'll be blunt: No matter how filthy a guy is, how much he has been around, he still wants a virgin.



    We wish and pray for the best for you.
     
  10. ivlakshmi

    ivlakshmi Platinum IL'ite

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    Hii,
    Y dont u search for a widower instead of divorcee.it is always a better option..obviously most of the guys behaved bad thtsy they got divorced..Never married guys through web sites just come to u for money..
    Dont impose any rules before marriage abt money..u cant just pump money without telling them
    u just need to manage thts all..marriage bureau is better than web site
    keep searching..
     

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