Fear of Birth....Need advice

Hi Jayashree,

I have not faced labor and delivery yet, I am currently in my 7th month of pregnancy.

I will not be able to give you first hand experience of how the labor pain will be, but I wanted to share with you my experience so far in my pregnancy.

I was also very very scared of childbirth and labor and pain (I have been very fussy even as a child and couldn't stand even a little discomfort or pain that I used to complain so much for even a minor irritation) and had delayed having a baby for almost four years after marriage (for many reasons, out of which fear of pain is also one...)

But when I decided to have a baby, and once the little one came into my life, my anticipation to see and hold my little one and my love for my baby grew enoromously that I mentally became so relaxed about all the pain. I felt that the little discomfort and pain that we have to go through in the process is nothing when compared to the end reward. I won't say that I am not at all scared. Infact, as the due date for delivery comes closer, I am getting freaked up now and then. But still I strongly believe that god has given me the determination and strength to face it till now and I also believe that I will handle it well when I go for my delivery. I am sure that you will also feel the same way when you get pregnant and get that confidence.

I keep thinking of my grandmom's days when they delivered babies at home without anything to manage the pain. We are in a much better position than them.
The concept of epidural is such a relief, and as Adhusmom suggested, they are available in Chennai. So, do some research on it and decide what is good for you.

All the best. Good luck to you.

Hi All,

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me.

I also wanted to know how the contractions feel like.Can you get the epidural before the contractions get worse??

Which is the difficult phase : the first stage or pushing stage??

Thanks everyone for the valuable thoughts.

Jayashree

Go to the U.S. National Library of Medicine's free but authoritative Patient-education website and learn all about childbirth and view videos of childbirth etc. at:
MedlinePlus: Childbirth

Start here:
Labor and Birth(National Women's Health Information Center)
Vaginal Birth(Patient Education Institute) - Requires Flash Player


While there may be pros and cons, my ex daughter in law did deliver her baby under water but I don't know if this is being offered widely. It is another option to consider. Obstetricians may have some reluctance because of their primary concern for the infant but the objections raised to it thus far such as infection also exist in dry-birthing environment. Anyway your doctor's expertise and knowledge/experience etc are very important no matter what method you choose. Also you will need to work closely with your team. I used to sit in a sanitized tub filled with clean, pure tepid water during my pregnancy and it eased many discomforts.

Do paln on having your mother and husband near you when you deliver, holding your hand and coaching you in breathing in and out in rythm with your contractions [Do you attend LaMaze classes for Delivery-breathing techniques ?]

2. See also:
   
3. Dealing with Pain during Childbirth (Nemours Foundation)
   ... childbirth philosophies in the United States are the Lamaze technique and the Bradley method. The Lamaze technique ... is the most widely used method in ... the United States. The Lamaze philosophy teaches that birth is a normal, natural, ...
   
   
   
   
   kidshealth.org/parent/pregnancy_newborn/pregnancy/childbirth_pain.html - External Health Links
4. Childbirth Education: Get Ready for Labor and Delivery (Mayo Foundation for Medical Education and Research)
   ... focus on specific methods of childbirth. For example: Lamaze. The goal of Lamaze is to increase confidence ... in your ability to ... give birth. Lamaze classes help you learn how to respond to ...
   
   
   
   
   www.mayoclinic.com/print/pregnancy/PR00119/METHOD=print - External Health Links

Wishing you good Luck and a safe and smooth delivery,
Malathi

Pregnant women and their husbands pray Lord Thayumanavar for a safe labor and offer Plantains to the God after delivering healthy baby.


According to legend, there was a woman living on the other side of river Cauvery, who visited this temple everyday. She had been visiting the temple for many years, which she continued to do even during her pregnancy.One day after she finished the Dharshan, she found that the river was flooded and she cannot cross the river. As she waited for the river flow to subside, she developed severe labour pain. People around stopped her from going back home. She was thinking of her mother who can help her in labour. Lord Shiva came to her in disguise of her mother and helped her in delivering the child safely and disappeared. Later her actual mother came asking about her, the woman realised that it was Lord Shiva who came to her rescue in disguise. As Lord Shiva himself served her devotee as her mother, here the main diety is called as "Thayumanavar" (God, who is also the "Mother"). The same incident is celebrated as a festival called "Chettipenn Maruthuvam" festival on the 5th day of Chithirai Festival at the temple.

Do not fear. Have faith that everything will go well for you.
Malathi

Malathy - Nice story and thanks for the links.

Thanks a lot for posting.

Take care.

Hi Jayashree, You already have lots of positive and encouraging words from fellow IL-ites. I'm a mom of a 3 yr old and now expecting the second one. Frankly speaking child-birth will not happen without any pain. I mean unless you have a planned c-section, but even then you've to bear with post-operative discomforts and pain:) But the 10 months of pregnancy prepares you for all these events. When I was pregnant with my boy and towards end of pregnancy I had fears about pain, whether I'll survive etc., But as Geetha says we're lucky to have so much to tackle pain, medications etc., And look at me now I'm gladly carrying my second one:) I went through normal labor pain and it was an emergency c-section at the last moment. The contractions were more like mensus pain (i used to suffer from severe PMS but after delivery it's gone). The pain intensifies as the mother gets closer to deliver. I have heard that several hospitals in Chennai offer pain-killers... it might not be necessarily epidural. The epidural is also given only after you've pushed to some extent. Because the mother has to also co-operate equally with the pushing process else the child (which is also wriggling out) is put under pressure:) Don't worry about all these things... and I would sincerely advise not to talk about pain, bleeding etc., to many people because each one of us have very different experiences. It may not necessarily be the same to you. Get pregnant and then your doctor will guide you:) All the best... Latha

It's a real incidet.

few years back a lady for kerala wanted to get engaged on her date of birth. The parents agreed. Being the daughter's wish they yielded to her second wish of marrying on the same date the next year. Agreed.

Her next wish was the child should be born on the same date-ie.date of birth engagement and marriage. This time it was quite a risky job for the doctor concerned. She told the lady to wait so that she can have a normal delivery which will help the mother and child to be comfortable and safe. She even explained the consequence.
The mother of the lady pleaded wih her to avoid hasty decisions. Still the lady refused to yield. She coerced the doctor to prepare herself for the delivery on a particular day in the month of Dec. Being known to the family for a long time the doctor could not say anything.
On the day fixed for the delivery her(lady in question) neighbour's too pleaded with her. No the lady wanted to coincide everything with her date of birth and also present her husband a child on that day(The day being birthday Engaement Day,& Wedding Day) itself so that even the child's birthday would fall on the same day.
She was taken to the OT. The lady dictor literally struggled for 2 to 3 hours. Being a pre mature delivery the organ refused to co operate.
With no choice left the doctor finding herself in a precariuos condition,
managed to bring the baby out with great difficult. But she realised the mother was not safe. At midnight the patient was referred to a General Hospital. On the way to hospital the lady died of profuse bleeding and brain haemorhaage. Thus it became the very same day for her death anniversary too.
Sometimes girls behave in careless and immatured manner and compell others to toe the line.
I will not forget that incident because we were a witness to that gruesome incident.
As an elderly person my advice is never make hasty decisions especially in such maters. We are none to decide Whom to give life and when to give life. and where. There is one grea Master who can manage such affairs much better than you and me. kanaka

hi,

I rarely visit the site..since i am busy with ma work..

From this incident it is clear to say "God is There"

Dear Kanaka,
It is so shocking to read something like this. I can understand if the birth of the kid happened by chance, being old enough did she not realise the risk behind doing such a thing? Either her parents , husband or friends should have tried talking some sense into her. It is also heart wrenching to know it became her death day also.
Is the kid alive and fine now?

Dear Kanaka,

Very shocked to read that incident... God is there to decide what is good for you... If we try to overcome God's decisions, then we may have to bear the consequences too... really bad that her important day became her Death Anniversary also...