Happily Married but Sexually Unsatisfied?

Re: Things Haven't Changed, Ankita!

Awesome reply Varalotti sir. I agree with you 100%.

Thanks,
Kavya.

 

Hi,
you areright its your problem, if you don't find her attractivethen do something about it, help her with a make over likeanew haircut, newsexy lingerie, if she is overweight make her join a gym and you join her, start doing thingstogetheras freinds send her nice sms, talk to her about your sex life.Communicate openly with her. A realtionship isa two way road not one way so both of you have to work on it.
Start with communication, she must be having other good qualities in her. Take her out on a date and re start your relationship.
Good luck
Alpa

 

Mr ihusband..

Arranged marriage is not excuse and why r u asking now what to do as iam not in love with my wife....U know from before that she is not attractive then why did u married her in the first place..some one more mature and pure heart person would have married her if u rejected...

people like you (may not you)marry for dowry first n later start crying that she is not educated or not beautiful...

i just want to say if u r married to that girl now do justice....

Skavi

 

In a relationship, both partners have equal rights.

You be a part of a committed relationship only if you are ready to stand by your responsibility and you like to be in it in the first place. If you cannot, why marry for the sake of your parents and society and then whine that you are not interested. You are actually being selfish - You want to please your parents, society and at the same time stray to please yourself, thus cheating your innocent partner.

What type of justice is this.

 

Hearty Hatsoff to you ladies... SKAVI & ALPA

Being a man I myself hated to see such a post from this id ihusband51. I think there is more to it. if I start analyzing and putting my thoughts from mens perspective I would raise brows of many guys here...

The primary reason might be there is lack of something in the husband itself..or some insecurity or some feeling of inadequacy that he cannot share or discuss with the wife openly due to which such tendencies develop. it may or may not be related to physical attraction or satisfaction. But as this complaint becomes very serious in a marital relationship and the women get intimidated by it, men take it as a weapon to get away with it easily...

ihusband51...when you could write something like this openly in such forums why cant you go for counselling along with your wife discuss differences and make adjustments and come with solution..

Always dont try to look for problems in marriage..look for solutions...thats the best way to keep and make any marriage work...remember husband or wife...both of them have their share of complaints about each other..but until both of them try to work on solutions rather than complaining about problems nothing can be worked out and no one can help them..

Finally when you commit to someone in a holy bond called marriage infront of elders and family and friends..try to atleast stick with that relationship as that is the one you will have for the rest of your life...

on the other hand...it becomes easy to get rid of this relationship and choosing over to run away as we have not grown along with our wife / husband..understand that the other person also has the same kind of feelings..

Tell your husband / wife about how you feel and see the magic...they will surely work on adjusting and doing their best to fit in and make you happy...but until you speak up and say what you want ...you wont get it..remember he / she is married to you....getting to know you....(they didnt grow up with you to understand your inner feelings immediately...)

 

ihusband51,
First of all I dont buy the argument I am sure I am not attracted to my wife.You had a chance to say no to your wife even if it was arranged marriage .Even though you are pre set to certain type of girls,You didnt act then.Then can you blame your wife if she acts mad when you bring up a word like divorce.Definitely not.

If you did commit to arranged marriage,you and your wife are coming into it with open mind and to fall in love with each other over a period. If you dont make any efforts to do it,then you share the blame of marriage straining. How much can one person try ?Here its your wife.

There maybe ten things wrong with marriage. But it takes only 2 understanding individuals and in sync with each other to work thru those ten things.

Attraction doesnt come in one shot. In arranged marriages with many restrictions sometimes it doesnt come in first look. It grows over time.
And moreover how long will that attraction last after it comes. Not for very long becoz husband and wife become comfortable with each other.I definitely dont feel this can be a reason to go for divorce. Atleast I have never heard of it.

Go for counselling ,clear your mind and take a vacation with your wife. Treat her nice.You should work thru the situation to make it a compatible one for yourself.Have a heart to heart talk with your wife and a counsellor.

Ankita,
Your husband's friend is talking utter nonsense. No wife will buy that argument,He loves his wife and kids but fools around outside. How will he feel when he is on the receiving end . What if his wife goes ahead and does the same.And claims to be in love with him and kids. How will he respond to it.

Marriage means you are sharing your life with your husband/wife.You share your joys ,sorrow,concerns,problems,kids and everything.This makes a marriage strong.That means telling your spouse when something is missing in marriage ,not going ahead and cheating.

Ankita if I were you, I would not keep much contact with such a friend. He may be a bad influence.

Your thought process is right.Things havent changed but for some people morals of marriage have definitely changed.

 

Ihusband- stop for a minute, relax and clear yr mind ……….of thoughts relating to self.
Now, picture your wife posting yr exact same thoughts on a forum, only in relation to her. Picture her being attracted sexually to men more responsive, interesting and attractive than you……..If you’re not satisfied or attracted to her, chances are that she’s not attracted to you or satisfied by your prowesses, as you make a poor bed partner……….
What will your feelings be in this context, I wonder?
Do let us know and then we can offer our “wisdom” in a relevant manner….

 

hi to everyone in this loop,

everyone has there point of view... but my experience says..marriages are more than sex...sometimes i feel more than love... its about commitment,companionship and above all faith..so,all those who understand it,they wont think about getting sexual satisfaction from a person who is not your spouse..
@ankita:
sometimes males want to support there friends and relatives just because they belong to them..even they know those people are wrong..
sometimes supporting something doesnt not mean believing something...
talk to your DH what he thinks,if anybody's spouse(DH or DW) go outside for sexual satisfaction,discuss KANK like hindi movie...dont ever mention his friend in that discussion...dont forget to emphasize on SPOUSE(so, he must think a wife an also do this) what will be the effect..you dont forget to oppose this..otherwiase situation can be wrong..then you can come to know, what he exactly thinks...
@ihusband
hey,i can understand your point...you just dont understand what marriage is..
so, please understand that..dont give statements like"your marriage is arranged marriage"
attraction goes after sometime ...so, try to explore your relation... there is much more in that. i have seen loads of couple with no looks..no personality..no sex appeal even..but they madly in love with each other..last but not least i feel bad for your wife...

 

I must appreciate this statement from Capricorn ..
on the other hand...it becomes easy to get rid of this relationship and choosing over to run away as we have not grown along with our wife / husband..
How true.. People need to understand this..
Mr. Husband .. you had an option before getting that lady into wedlock ! What you mean it was an " arranged marriage " ?? Was it that you could not talk and was speechless ? Or everyone felt you dont make the right decision so decided for you ?? You havent changed much now !! Had you been unattracted to her you should have said then.. now you have no right to say funny things ! What do you mean by attraction ?? Is it just a body with good curves and flesh ? Or something more beneath..? You are worthless and I suppose she must be compromising a lott in life ! If she was smarter than you she would have not been your wife ! I pity her and asking God why on earth he married her to you !!

 

Hi

i can understand ur situation Mr.Ihusband, the problem is in ur eyes.
Dont see ur wife as fancy girl, beauty is not in her body or the way she dress up.

Shall i ask u a question?
1. If ur wife is so beautiful and if she have extra martial affairs with others,will u accept her?

Dont get attracted towards physically, think taht ur wife is such a trusty person who believes u as a good person by heart