New mother tips

Hi ladies,
i have been geting wonderful support&help from all you experienced ladies whenever in need.For a young mother away from family,its great to know that i have a place to raise my doubts without fear.I just want to thank all of you for all your help.Well i was just thinking it would be great if all you experienced moms,could put down useful tips regarding child care for young mothers like us,like how to wisely manage house&baby(my biggest challenge now a days).my house looks like a dump!!!and how much ever i try,there is some work undone.With the baby, i just about manage to cook meals for hubby&me.Most of my time goes in feeding the baby,bathing him rocking him etc etc.....hubby keeps telling me that the house looks like a garbage dump!:( more i think about it ,the more am getting upset.i thought it would be great if experienced moms could put in their advise&tips of various aspects of child care&managing the house so that young moms like me can refer to it and maintain our sanity!

Hi,
I have and am experiencing the problem still. With a two year old son on the tow. Though my daughter helps a lot there are things that an adult alone could do. Then I took one decision sound will not come with just one hand. You need two hands to clap. So I requested first, then dumped him with the household work(he is not used to doing all this all these years, and his father is not ready to accept that a man should do house hold works). First he will bunk, then I started telling him if you want the house to be clean either you or I should be doing the things, no angel will come and do it for us. Either you take care of the baby or help me in the household. There was a big round of argument went round and round on this topic. Then he himself realized that things need to be done by him too to keep the house neat and clean and maintain my cool and calm.

So dont fret, sit and talk with your husband and also tell him strongly that he cant keep saying that the house is a garbage unless and untill he helps you out.

Dear Vidya,

Been there, and am still there.....:icon_frown: :icon_frown: ! Yes i think every house goes through this syndrome after the babies make an appearance. Be warned it is going to be like this till your kid or kids are around 4 yrs . I have and am still hearing the "house looks like a garbabge dump" dialogue. Then one day I made a before and after "hurricane Jay" video and showed it to my Dh , and he just could not belive that it took only 5 minutes for my little one to turn the house upside down!!
So please do not get upset. First and foremost, sit your hubby down and tell him that he needs to help out too if there is to be some semblance of neatness. it is difficult to manage a baby and house alone. And it just gets worse.......

Like Rajmi, those initial stages, hubby and i used to share the work. He had the option to either take care of the baby or help out in the house work. So we struck a balance. He used to do the vacuuming and things like taking out the garbage. I did all the other stuff.
But in general here are some guidelines:
1. Do most of your stuff when the baby is sleeping: even if it is for 10 minutes, you could in 10 minutes clean up one room( that is pick up stuff, dust and vacuum). Do just one room a day .
2. If you have easy access to laundry, then get your laundry done every other day. Things like folding the clothes and putting them away, i used to do it in the night when hubby was home and he could entertain the baby. If you live in an apartment with common laundry then keep the laundry days for the weekend. Strictly no time to be spent on ironing. Ask your hubby to iron his clothes daily as needed. ( only now that my little one is 3 and half, i have started my ironing chores again).
3. Daily, if possible just wipe all your bath counter tops and tiles and floors using the the ready wipes. Then over the weekend, you and hubby can take turns to do a thorough cleaning.
4. Hubby to strictly be in charge of sorting mails and getting rid of the junk..
5. Make sure you get atleast 1 hour nap in the afternoon when you baby takes a nap. We need all the rest , especially the first 9 months .
6. Try as much as possible to do all housework only on the weekend. ( when hubby is at home). Thats when it is possible to do stuff.

And lastly, make sure your hubby reads this thread. and also if nothing else works, please leave him alone with the baby for one whole day that is the same time as your hubby's working hours . Most of the time, men don't realise the amount of work involved in rasing a newborn.

So take heart dear. New moms all go through this. I have been through what you are feeling now. Felt bad about not being able to do a good job until i read " chicken soup for the mom's soul" i think and there were fair share of stories all wailing about the garbage dump of a house!!

Vandhana

hey thanks rajmi&vandhana for your ideas!vandhana,i gifted chickensoup for the mothers soul to my mom but never read it myself....guess i shud do that...i try to do as much when he sleeps but he's a light sleeper...wakes up as soon as he hears a sound!!!!!most of my job gets undone coz he wants me to carry him all the time!!!(my arms&back may fall&brak anytime....now thats another story!!)how do i break this habit of his?if i dont pick him up he crys very loudly with tears!!! i am gonna get hold of my hubby very soon......but making him help me is a task of its own!! am sure gonna try though.

Hello!! I agree with all that was said and want to add some of my experience: i used to entertain my babies with music and good toys and i remember to clean the house, cook etc always singing and talking. I think they wan't to feel that we are near and don't like to be alone. I even use to take them to bathroom with me! I gained the habit of getting up earlier to have some moments for myself: it's tuff but it pays!! I used to do many things very early in the morning when everybody was still sleeping and sleep in the afternoon with the babies. I got my husband to get up during the night and i made a promise to my self that no matter what, i would not do anythig after cleaning the dinner kitchen: tomorrow is another day and the night is necessary to the couple, to myself and to feel that the days are not all spent in work that seems to be never done.

I too agree with Vandhana and Rajmi,the husband has to help if the house needs to be in order.Like Rajmi,even my FIL has the same notion,that men should not enter the kitchen and do household chores.After my son was born,I told my FIL that I will not raise my son the way he has raised his son.My son will have to help in household chores and he has started already.I make him do simple things around the house and he loves to do it to.

In our house,from day one,my husband irons his own clothes,no questions about it.I will iron only my son's and mine.All mails are cleared mostly by him.I will do the laundry every alternate day and do the bedsheets,towels etc in the weekends.He will take care of cleaning the bathroom.I will vacuum the house,clean the garbage ,he helps carry and drop the garbage bag!! Grocery shopping we do together in the weekends. When it comes to cleaning our son's toys,all of us do it. 75% of the time,we make our son do it himself. We have to tell him-ok,come lets go and play in the park,but first you have to clean up your toys.That works most of the time. If it doesn't work,then we end up doing it

When you have a baby,you have to do most of the things when the baby sleeps or plays all by himself.But definitely,the husband has to help too.

Gd u ladies solved my problem a lot i think,as my husband always think if i am not going out for job and at homme whole day then i have so much time and nothing to do..taking care of my 2nhalf old is not a big problem
basically if i am not jobing n at home then i have nothing to do(this is what he thinks)..as he is very gd but this thing is very bad of his part..sometimes really i start feeling that am i lazy as end of the day i am so tired and frustrated because of my son...
Can anybody tell me what should i give him back answer if sometimes he tell me this.....

Just don't say anything...give a smile and let him know that you are fortunate enough to stay at home,unlike him and tell him that you are enjoying your life.That will stop him from telling that.

With regards to making the hubbys do certain things around the house,only we have to make the 'effort'. We have to just stop doing certain things which eventually they will start doing,once we stop.