Let's Share Our Feelings - Part 2

Hi all,

I have a 9 mnth old baby Jay. Just was kind of worried abt him becoz after 3 miscarriages have finally managed to get him. He has not been keeping well from past 1 week. He is teething thats why I think he was down with high fever for 3 days.

After the fever subsided with 2 days gap. Today he has runny nose.Have been giving him medicines for it. He doesn't like to take it. So thinking of going to the doc.

Thanks for hearing me out.Just get too worried abt him. I also hve a 7 yr old daughter. Thankfully she is keeping well.

Regards


Komal

Sindhu, good for you! How did the night go? Hope P and V settled down.
Raj, you do take spring cleaning seriously, don't you. I need to do some of it at home, but been dragging my feet all along. Meant to ask you this, did you take up meal planning at all? Do let me know how it worked for you. Am always impressed with how organised you are.
V, hugs. I guess moms do end up second guessing no matter what. Is dropping him off on a couple of days till he settles down an option for you? We're stooping to conquer here, appearing to give in to K'sdemand, but then getting him to make the first move on separation.
Komal, welcome aboard. High temperature usually does not go along with teething, but I have noticed that whenever my LO was teething he will get some other issue or the other. Looks like a cold in your case. Hope he feels well soon.
Kiran is still sleeping blech, ladies. Today I had a headache and DH put him to bed, looks like he did much better with just DH. Looks like he got volunteered to nighttime parenting again.

Komal, welcome to this thread! Hope your little one feels better soon... Just a thought, but do you think the runny nose is from a cold? If so, I don't think any medication is needed. Since he had a fever, maybe a trip to the doctor will help to ensure that it is jsut teething and nothing else.

Vanathi, trust me - I know how bad you must have felt. After our India trip last July P would cry, scream and cling to my feet when I dropped him off at daycare. The teachers had to physically restrain him and couple of times he escaped from the teachers arms and came running after me - I used to feel like the most horrible mother alive. Of course my cowardly DH delegated dropoff duty to me saying that he cannot stand the crying.

I think it is a phase and some kids take a longer time to adjust. Even now there are days when P does not want to go to school. Some things that helped me were (1) We would pretend that Mickey, his then-lovey was also going to school with him. I would leave Mickey in his cubby. (2) I would make something fun for him so that he was excited to show it off to his classmates - (a paper crown, a paper watch, a paper hat etc) - maybe you can have DH do something like this so that he is excited to show it to Thatha Paatti.

These days now that P is older I use the carrots and sticks technique - if he is a "good boy" for the whole day (no crying at dropoff, brush his teeth, no tantrums etc) he gets an X in a chart. After a certain number of X's he gets to buy a toy. If he behaves badly we cross an X. I don't think Aadhu is old enough to understand how that works...

Originally Posted by pavarun

Raj, I'll wait for your tips on carpet cleaning - we too have some cleaning to do. Right now we've covered all the sspills and spots with colourful rugs

Sindhu, I am glad first day of going back to work went well for you. After doing some online research and talking to friends here, this is what I have concluded about carpet cleaning - Renting a "Rug Doctor" is cheaper BUT it is time consuming and is very difficult to maneuver. It is also not as good as professional cleaning. So, I called a couple professionals that were recommended by friends and have taken quotes from them, and decided to wait until hubby comes back to get the cleaning done professionally. If you go for professionals, make sure you check their background by either gong to your local Chamber of Commerce website or the Better Business Bureau. I found some good tips on BBB about hiring professionals for carpet cleaning - like what to ask for, how to look for 'hidden fees' etc. Can't find it right now, but will PM it to you once I do.

Originally Posted by Aadhusmom

Raj - do post a pic of the patio when you are done.

Yes, I will Vanathi. I would also go with what Krithika said about dropping off Aadhu at their place. Riya is also going through some separation anxiety issues when I drop her off at child care. I don't hang around too much and tell her I love her and will be back soon. And I leave the room. ( I do stand outside the door to see if she keeps crying, and she settles down rightaway!) It has seemed to work for me, you can give it a try.

Originally Posted by tikka

Raj, you do take spring cleaning seriously, don't you. I need to do some of it at home, but been dragging my feet all along. Meant to ask you this, did you take up meal planning at all? Do let me know how it worked for you. Am always impressed with how organised you are.

Thanks, Krithika. Yes, I do take de-cluttering a little too seriously, I guess. And yes, I did follow meal planning and it worked wonderfully for me. I followed some of the tips from that thread that I started and did most of my planning and prepping on weekends. It took out a lot of weeknight cooking stress. I don't follow it now but I'll definitely get back on that once hubby is back.

Welcome, Komal. Runny nose can be due to allergies or just the fact that he's teething (many say it is not related, so I don't know) but I don't think there's any medication given for runny nose or cold for a 9 month old. A visit to the doc may not be a bad idea.

Raj

So far my day is going great. Started out by doing my prayer time in the morning, then I made blueberry pancakes for breakfast and we had it outside on our patio. The weather was a little cooler, but spring colors and birds are in bounty so had a relaxing and rejuvenating time. After that, dropped off Riya at the Mother's Day Out program at our church, and I came home to do some closet cleaning in the Kitchen, and then I went and got a pedicure done at a friend's place. That was a treat! Now Riya is taking a nap. Can the day get any better?! Looking forward to the rest of the day.

Raj

hi vanathi
you just need to be firm .
i went through a lot this way
i used a trick .
when i used to come back from work i would make it a special time with extra play and occasional goodies.
may be it would work in ur case.
luv
krips

Hi Everyone,

Thanks for the info/suggestions. He is a little better today. So dropped the idea of going to the doc. Want to avoid medicines for him and this way he might build up resistance too. He is quite active & naughty. He keeps me always on my toes.

BTW I wud b visiting india in June. Anyone visiting then?

Komal

First of all thanks all of you. Somehow it is so reassuring to me when people take the time to think about my little problems so thanks

Originally Posted by tikka

V, hugs. I guess moms do end up second guessing no matter what. Is dropping him off on a couple of days till he settles down an option for you? We're stooping to conquer here, appearing to give in to K'sdemand, but then getting him to make the first move on separation.

I'm not so keen on that mainly because I think the crying will probably get worse. Dont you think so? That was why we had FIL come over everyday. But now I'm wondering if I should give it a try.

Originally Posted by pavarun

I think it is a phase and some kids take a longer time to adjust. Even now there are days when P does not want to go to school. Some things that helped me were (1) We would pretend that Mickey, his then-lovey was also going to school with him. I would leave Mickey in his cubby. (2) I would make something fun for him so that he was excited to show it off to his classmates - (a paper crown, a paper watch, a paper hat etc) - maybe you can have DH do something like this so that he is excited to show it to Thatha Paatti.

...

Thanks for the tips Sindhu. The second one certainly is very doable. Let me try it tomorrow. A is too young for a star chart right now but its something to think about in a year or so..

Originally Posted by Riyasmommy

I would also go with what Krithika said about dropping off Aadhu at their place. Riya is also going through some separation anxiety issues when I drop her off at child care. I don't hang around too much and tell her I love her and will be back soon. And I leave the room. ( I do stand outside the door to see if she keeps crying, and she settles down rightaway!) It has seemed to work for me, you can give it a try.
Raj

I may just have to do it this way Raj. And you're right in that A settled down in a couple of minutes - its me who feels the after-effects for hours

Originally Posted by kripa shankari

hi vanathi
you just need to be firm .
i went through a lot this way
i used a trick .
when i used to come back from work i would make it a special time with extra play and occasional goodies.
may be it would work in ur case.
luv
krips

We already do a whole lot of stuff after I get back Krips but maybe I should do some more - thanks for the support.

This morning went better - I got FIL to come over before I got dressed for work and A went off with minimal fussing. I really dont think this will work for long though - I think I will do what you all suggested and drop him off myself soon.

I'm rather upset though about other things. A friend of mine called this afternoon and poured out a long story of domestic violence and a lot of abuse - physical and mental. I knew some of the story from before but to hear the whole thing was very upsetting. I did try to make sure she is in a safe place right now but I keep wishing I could do more. Krithika - is there a womens helpline/legal counselling she could call in Chennai?

V.

I will look it up V. I know of a lawyer who deals with issues like that, but I am not sure at what stage your friend is - if she is ready to leave I know this lady deals with women's rights issues with amazing sensitivity.
There is an NGO called prajnya.in which held a meet on gender violence recently... Why don't I PM you the numbers when I get them.

Vanathi,

There is this very soft-spoken, quiet 5 yr old at A's pre-school. Her mom works like thrice a week; so twice a week she has either a play date or another mom picks her up... this is the norm since more than a year. Today was one such day it seems. This poor girl was standing in a corner and weeping quietly. I didn't even notice and then realised she was wiping her eyes. Luckily one of the teachers was around and i alerted them. I felt so sorry for the little one. She was saying 'i want mummy' so softly and hugged the teacher. Ofcourse the other mom ready to pick her up and drop her off after an hour or so was already there...

I remembered Aadhu... don't worry... see what suits you best... you dropping him off or DH taking over. i'm sure they go through these emotions on and off and then forget all about it within matter of seconds. We poor moms....

Girls,

Today wasn't my day again. Little one has a bad cold (again!!!) and was 'on' me since 3 am... sometimes me too a bit stupid. My cleaning lady was there this morning and she told me to take a nap. I was like 'oh i've to clear up many things and i can't'.... so that one issue...

My boy was a bit too tough after school. He's again into a stubborn phase and i'm at my wits end quite too often. His new annoying game... to ask his friends for gifts. There is one friend of his who is relocating. Apparently mine asked him for a bus and the boy gifted him as a kind of birthday gift. I told him clearly he must not have 'asked' for a gift... the mom said we're leaving so this is for A to remember us by... fine! Today he made an arrangement with another friend (he was a play date last week). i didn't quite understand when the boy told me he'd give his red bus to Abonk.

We all take the same bus back home. A was almost ready to jump off the bus with his friend and that triggered my temper. I didn't speak a word in the bus and at home i told him this behaviour wasn't appropriate. I didn't talk to him any more (that's my latest therapy). He was annoying me with silly things and then went on saying 'bad amma, bad amma' non-stop for 12 minutes (yes i timed). Even now i'm not hurt that he told bad amma but that he can be so stubborn and annoying and leaves me with no solution to think of.

I'm now feeling miserable where i could have wrong in all these 4 years!! how did he ever think about asking others for things.. i mean we never had such situation before... i cried myself out just now and sort of clear in my head. anyways i should remember not to bring this up again tomorrow morning (annoying mother then!) and just see how he takes up my sermons...

Latha