Hele me -How to handle a toddler & wear saree

Dear All,

I know that my question is irrelavant to this forum but i wud request moderators to move it to another forum.Another thing is that I am quite familiar with all the moms & have been always getting good support from them.
My visit to inlaws was good.Micky has enjoyed alot with his grandparents & chacha chachi.Only thing which is bothering me & making me inferior is that I am not an expert of wearing saree.I never used to wear saree during my college times & I never shown any interest in wearing & learning it.Now im married in a very traditional marwari family where in all occasions I am supposed to wear heavy silk/embroidery saree.My Devrani wears it all the time & handles all the household works & her daughter without any complication but my hubby is not very fond of saree & he neither let me purchase nor wear it.He wants me to wear trousers/jeans & my sasuma wants me in saree.I know ,she is right coz they r living a small village where allowing even salwaar suits to DILs is a very big issue.Even i want to wear saree over there coz I go there only on festivals for 2-3 days.
Now i am feeling very depressed coz I had to wear silk sarees twice on Navmi & Dashahra.I dnt put any makeup etc so it hardly takes 5 mins to me in getting ready normally but it took 1 cmplete hr to me in getting ready & still i was not able to wear it properly finally my devrani helped in pleates & palla araangements.& my MIL was continuously staring at me .She wore it so nicely & held her daughter & attended all the pujas whereas I was looking like a Fool who was looking so much uncomfortable.
I am thinking of practising it everyweek coz this time i wore it after around 1.5 year thats why it took me so much time in wearing it.
Pls help me ladies .share ur tips .I think most of the ladies in this forum are South indians & wear silk sarees very nicely.Help me ,i again have to go there on Deewali & want to prepare myself for that.
Monica

Monica - (((hugs))) dont feel so bad. We all learn this only by trial and error. Now do you have to wear the sari in any particular local style or is it the usual way? I can help you better if i know that.

V.

Monica dear... don't feel bad about this. Our generation we are not used to wearing saree everyday (even before marriage) and doing household work. Like if i ask my mom to wear nightie and work she'll be very uncomfortable. it's the same for us. I had to wear the 9 yard saree for my son's 1st birthday. I secured it with couple of extra safety pins and slipped off now n then to the room to tighten it. This is my experience. Other than that i wore sarees (south indian style) only when we went to temple and my boy was carried by his father. I'm sure other experts will bring in more tips for you.

Latha

Monica, You know what you need to do, come to chennai and get those one-minute sarees. LOL. I love wearing sarees a) that's only Indian outfit which can be worn formally, for party, casually with just the right accessories and the right draping b) it hides your imperfections - women of all shapes and sizes look gorgeous in a saree. c) I love handloom, the designer ones just look way too chic without looking like you paid a million bucks.
Like Latha I use a million safety pins when K is around.

Dear Vanathi,Krithika & Latha,

I was knowing that im gonna get good support from you all.My hubby says ,"why do u compare urself with them (including my devrani).She has been knowing that she will get married in an orthodox marwari family since her childhood & all the time she will have to wear saree only thats why she is very trained at the time of her marriage itself but in my family,we wear saree only occasionally(My mom wears it all the time but she gifts salwaar suits to my Bhabhis) & if u dnt feel comfortable, dnt wear it(wearing salwar suits at home is allowed to me not to my devrani).
But still i want to learn it coz once in a blue moon i have to wear it.I can wear synthetic sarees easily but making pleates & palla arrangements is a bit difficult is silk sarees & I cant wear it in hanging palla style at my inlaws place.It should be properly pinned up.
What I have decided that I will practise it myself & there is a good beauty parlour in fornt of my apt which is famous for bridal make up as well.I will go there tomorrow & ask the incharge if she can teach me some tips coz i have seen her wearing cotton saree very nicely.Lets see if she can help me out & i may give a big surpise to my MIL & my devrani.
Vanathi,i have to wear it normally with pinned up palla on left shoulder.Latha & Krithika ,i will add a bunch of saree pins in my shopping list for Deewali..
Thanks,
Monica

Hi Monica,

I feel for you... I too can wear synthetic/polyester sarees easily and can hold them for a while but silk sarees are tough. We are just not used to doing that. I agree with your husband - don't bother too much about the pallu & pleats and have fun/enjoy the occasion and celebration. As everyone suggested, have extra safety pins so it doesn't come off. Maybe once home between now and Diwali you can practice wearing a silk saree for the entire evening once a week? Are there ladies near your home who can help you with getting the right folds and stuff like that? (I personally don't bother too much if my pallu is a little too long/short or if my pleats don't look perfetct - But I do admire how some lladies just manage to look so pulled together and perfect in them!)

Hey Monica, I agree with what your husband says, don't comapre yourself with your devrani. Did anybody say anything to you about the way you wore your sari (except for the looks, but hey you can't expect anything less from your MIL ) You know, so many times we worry about things that don't exist or may not ever happen (personal experience ).

Silk sarees are a little difficult to wear if you are not used to wearing them often. Practice wearing them at home, and ask one of your neighbors to help you out. Do you have a teenager in your neighborhood who goes to beauty school, she maybe a good resource too? I have taught my husband how to adjust my pleats when I am wearing my sari, so he helps out. Like others said, use lot of safety pins, and DON'T BE NERVOUS when you have your sari on. Trust me, that makes it worse. Just carry yourself like you wear it ALL the time. It's more about how you carry yourself and how you see yourself than how others see you.

You can even go to the parlor on Diwali and get the sari draped, along with a light make up. I am not a biggie on make up either, but I do believe that it boosts your self confidence if you wear it lightly.

Raj

hey don't bother
i have also looked like a fool when i realised that i'll be required to cover my head. my saree was already done in the way the other way. it was my son's mundan function. the saree was heavy silk. i undid the safety pin on my shoulder and wahat a chaos with the kid half the time in my lap or arms. and i had to touch feet of so many of elderly people who were invited.
and one tells me i was looking awful. and i just as if she was giving a compliment. she did not know what to say. and blushed. that moment i forgot how uncomfortable i was.
now i've learnedhow to do itand am pinning up the pleats, nxt to the left lower side of the blouse and yes the shoulder. that gives a lot of control to the saree.
i actually came to learn more.thanks for starting the thread.

I am sure other ladies will give you tips on where to put pins too,and I agree with muzna on putting pins on the shoulder, but I find it very 'secure' if I put pins on the pleats right next to my belly button, and make sure you secure the pleads with your petticoat. This way if your toddler or some other kid, steps on your plead, it won't come undone.

Raj

hi monica,

Wearing saree is an art . With little practice you can make it work. First as others suggested try wearing cotton ones at home since it is easy to wear. In my opinion silk is much easier to wear for the reason that it is heavy. so everything will be in place. i would suggest you to use just two pins (even one should do) mainly for the pallu. For the pleats you can either use the pin or a simple brooch. that way expensive sarees will not be spoilt. always try the pin in the direction of the weave.

Cheers
Ramya