Hubby and Baby in the evenings

Riyasmommy · Jul 29, 2008

Ladies, need some insight here...

After spending ALL day with an 8 month old, I am ready to hand her over to DH when he comes home from work, whereas DH, after a tiring day at work is looking forward to winding down in front of the computer or TV. I feel bad about asking him to take over, but at the same time I am so exhausted that I get frustrated at him for not "taking over". I don't know what to do! What would you do in this case? How do you balance a situation like this? He helps me tons on weekends, though, so I feel bad about complaining, too.

Raj

Aadhusmom · Jul 29, 2008

I dont have a solution Raj, only that we have a similar situation here too and there are days when I get so mad at DH for not "taking over" and letting me have a bit of time to myself. Nowadays though its a bit better as MIL comes over most evenings and takes care of Aadhu for abt half an hr - I just lock myself into the bedroom/kitchen and pretend to be deaf for the duration! Can you get a friend to take care of her 3-4 times/week for an hour? It helps a lot even if you are in the same house. I'm looking for alternatives like this because in all fairness I dont think the DHs can do more!

Vanathi.

sanravi_1970 · Jul 29, 2008

I am in the same situation, DH returning home tired, although he never complains that he is tired or having pain here or there like i say eventhou he has, he helps me a LOT. So as u say i feel bad to ask him for any help or to take care of the baby! But now my in laws are here, so they take care of him so lil less burden for me now ;-)

SupriyaDinesh · Jul 29, 2008

Mommies..This is a common problem..When my son was a kid..we used to argue a lot on this..We found a solution that worked for us..I do not hand over him immediately..once Dh is refreshed..and watches tv, i bring all my son's play things,play mat..put him in DH's lap...later in play mat and play with him..this way He can entertain my son and he can watch tv too..I get things done or sit with him to watch tv..

dsrini · Jul 29, 2008

Hi Raj

Don't worry, just ask him to watch ur lil one while he is browsing or watching TV. Thats what I do, my DH will watch the TV also Aditi(she will be running all over the living room) but they can handle this pretty well.

Orelse do one thing ask him to browse for few minutes(say 30-45min)[I know thats not enough for them] & after that ask him to watch her.(in the beginning I did this but later he was ready to do both at the same time). Don't worry just talk to him. A simple talk will do the magic.(it does for me).

Also ask him to take a walk with Riya in the stroller around the block that will definitely give u some alone time.

I hope this helps(atleast a bit). Anywayz I have read lot of ur posts but wasn't able to reply(India trip). So a BIG HIIII:hiya FROM Dhivya Aditi's mom.(expecting the second in DEC)

My kisses to Riya kutty.

Cheers
Dhivya

newmommy · Jul 29, 2008

No advice Raj,But I'am never hesitant to ask him to take over as soon as he comes home which around 6.30-7pm .It is just 1 - 1.30 hr maximum he gets to spend with my LO so it does not bother him much too.But there is one thing that really annoys me he switches the TV and they watch TV togeather while playing,I wanted to raise him screen free for 2yrs but looks like its not happening and its a compromise.
Priya

Lavanya · Jul 29, 2008

Just wanted to pitch in to say I'm in the same scenario here. But I talk to him when we are both a li'l more calm (may be in the weekends) about the fact that he had a long day but so did I and that it would be nice for him to take over for a while and DH totally agrees. We both keep saying that this is what we wanted and hence its our responsibility and that gives us the nudge to do as much as we can before we walk away. Some days are worse than the others but then again everyone has them so we just remind ourselves not to get frustrated over this and we are the ones who opted for little help from family as sometimes thats more trouble.

Raj, just talk to your DH and I'm sure he'll eventually learn to multitask with Riya. My DH often says that I've become more time and energy efficient than him, as I get only few breaks in the day when everything needs to be prioritized and taken care of. As my DH works with computers he doesn't want to browse it when he comes home, his weakness is tv, so he talks to DS while watching something on tele (can't complain that he didn't get a chance to bond now!). But the worst days are when things fail at work and he needs to work from home even in the middle of the night!

-L.

Riyasmommy · Jul 29, 2008

Message deleted by Raj because of duplication.

Riyasmommy · Jul 29, 2008

Thanks for all your input, ladies! Thankfully, communicating something to DH is not an issue at all, he does it when I ask him, but what should I do with the ginormous guilt I carry around with me all the time!! I feel like I am not being fair to him. But I see that I am not the only one in the boat, so that makes it a little better.

Hi to you, too, Dhivya, and congratulations on your pregnancy. How have you been doing?

Vanathi, no friends here who can watch Riya, and to be honest, I am totally paranoid about leaving her at somebody's home. Today, though, I left her for a couple hours at a community day care center that our church runs. I come back and the lady tells me that Riya is teething and so she was crying - fairly normal. BUT to my horror I found out that one of the teenage sitters had given Riya the fruit and nut bar that I had kept for me in the diaper bag to suck on. I was mad! How can a sitter not know that an 8 month old shouldn't be given a granola bar meant for adults, and that too when it says it has almonds and peanuts in it??!!! I am going to call the coordinator after I calm down and mention this to her. I think her sitters should atleast have the sense to figure out what to give and what not to give to a baby.

Priya, I am totally with you about the age for watching TV. DH and I have both agreed to not let Riya watch TV or DVDs atleast until she's two.

Raj

mangaii · Jul 29, 2008

riyasmommy said: ↑

Hi to you, too, Dhivya, and congratulations on your pregnancy. How have you been doing?

Vanathi, no friends here who can watch Riya, and to be honest, I am totally paranoid about leaving her at somebody's home. Today, though, I left her for a couple hours at a community day care center that our church runs. I come back and the lady tells me that Riya is teething and so she was crying - fairly normal. BUT to my horror I found out that one of the teenage sitters had given Riya the fruit and nut bar that I had kept for me in the diaper bag to suck on. I was mad! How can a sitter not know that an 8 month old shouldn't be given a granola bar meant for adults, and that too when it says it has almonds and peanuts in it??!!! I am going to call the coordinator after I calm down and mention this to her. I think her sitters should atleast have the sense to figure out what to give and what not to give to a baby.

Priya, I am totally with you about the age for watching TV. DH and I have both agreed to not let Riya watch TV or DVDs atleast until she's two.

Raj
Click to expand...

Wow Raj I can't believe the sitter did that.Do take care of Riya . Surely talk to co-ordinator.I think the best approach would be to take print outs of article where they talk feeding nuts so you can give that as a supporting document.

Good Luck
Mangai