[ajain35]

Parallel to the thread on questions to ask a guy.. I start a thread on questions to ask a girl in an arranged marriage. Hope will get some response.

What do u think are the questions one needs to ask a girl in a arranged marriage.. how do frame them and not make them look rude or "too outspoken" types..

how do interpret her answers...as to what exactly she means by tht...

-AJ

PS: I guess spilling a coffee on a girl wouldn't work or will it?

[ajain35]

Did u check whether you are meeting indiadivz (the other poster) !!

Nope. Doesn't look like it.
I thought there will be ton of replies to this thread. I thought girls know best questions that will provide more information about their nature to a guy.

[instantdivz]

Did u check whether you are meeting indiadivz (the other poster) !!

lol...nah dosent look like.. :) ...

[asuitablegirl]

I think the same questions a girl would ask a guy, you can ask her too. Also, she'll probably have some questions already thought up, and for each question she asks you, you can find out her answer to the same.

In addition... ask her what type of living arrangment SHE wants and that she should be honest and not just say what her parents are saying she wants.

You should also make sure she wants to get married. And by that, I mean find out whether this was her idea or whether her parents have forced her into it. Suggesting and advising is fine.... forcing and threatening is not. Make sure she hasn't been pressured by those last two.

[Happysoul1234]

Hmmn takes me back to the days!

What I appreciated my then to-be husband telling me were his goals/visions of the future. Not in a boastful manner but hey this is how I think I want to live my life and are you ok with it? Ofcourse, the girl has to be honest in her answer or else it is futile!

Ask her about her family. The way she describes them will give you a clue about her thoughts. Like one guy I saw I asked him how many siblings he had (2 sisters). I asked him what they did - 1 was married and 1 was doing her BA to "pass her time." The tone in which the answer was given and a couple more things said led me to understand the value of women and their education in his family and I had to say no to the alliance.

Ask her who her ideal people are. That will give you a clue as to what qualities she thinks are important in a person.

[ajain35]

Thanks ASG and Pmahensa for sharing your experience.
I guess it is really important for one to know who he/she him/herself is and what he/she wants. And then some sense of judging a person my past experiences help.

I hope other ladies will share their experiences too as to what their husband said that convinced them that he is the right person and what other guys said that made them reject the proposal.
Maybe also what was going on your mind when you were talking to a prospective guy. What were your major concerns and insecurities?

Thanks. This is indeed a wonderful forum.
-AJ

[Sunny3]

I think you need to be yourself more at that time than any other time.
Be natural, calm and just be yourself.
I know it is hard to be calm but maintain that so that you do not get overly nervous and lose your conversation.

You may ask her about her opinion of what kind of groom she is looking for. Then you will know whether you are in the right place or not. Also, make sure that she is willing to marry and not thrust on by her parents. Your life will be miserable if she is not willing.

Most importantly, trust your instincts. Don't get carried away by material things or other people's opinions. Open your eyes and ears and your judge for yourself.


Sunitha

[Tara09]

As I already said in the parallel thread, in my college and initial work days I always wanted that kind of hubby who would bring me flowers for valentines, kiss me without any hesitation even if there were 100 people around kind of guy. A guy who would do all the fancy talking and more expressive kind.
I am by nature very talkative. But when it came to wedding, really those kind of guys even if I imagined living with, would give me a weird feeling. I thought as it is , I talk too much, I do not want my clone. I want someone to listen to me. So, when my dh came to see me and did not speak one full sentence, I was happy. I am glad now, he is my husband.


So, it is all in what kind you want and like. Asking too many questions is a big NO! NO!.....I would say.

One time before my dh match came up (I saw 2 guys in all, incl dh), my dad called me up and said that I needed to take leave the next day because the groom's side is coming to see me. Next day, mom dad were busy with arrangements, I took leave and so was at home getting ready. Here, they come groom, parents, aunt, uncle. All of them chatted for some time and then we had private conversation, me and groom only.

He had finished his studies in US and came to get married. He will go back with bride after marriage.
I was in India then.

He asked me if I had boyfriends. I was shocked at that question.
He asked me what kind of dresses I liked. I found that embarassing.
He asked me what was my blood group. I found that strange and bit awkward.
He told me how he is planning on our first wedding anniversary. That was exactly the kind I liked while in college. All fancy stuff.
He was going on and on .....non stop.


All in all, he never gave me any time to ask him something. Though he did so much fancy talk was trying to impress but with his first question, I immediately decided in my mind this is a big thumbsdown and so just talked furthur till he left.


So, I would suggest you talk less.

Tara

[star83]

The questions are only individual's expectation and Satisfaction.

So it varies from personality to Personality



Regards
Sugi

[ShilpaMa]

My DH dint ask a single question to me, and still we talked little over 1/2 hr on sweet nothings (There were no interrogatives in whatever we spoke for this 1/2 hr).... that was my selection criteria over N other ppl I met over last few days..

Disclaimer... selection criteria varies from person to person & many felt that mine was not right.. but it was mine.