Why only girls' parents bear wedding expenses?

Hi I dont know if this has been discussed earlier. I am sorry if this is a repeat and request the moderator to feel free to delete this thread if so.

Of so many other unfair practices in our society, this one bugs me the most. Why is it that the onus of arranging the entire marriage event goes only to the brides' parents, while the grooms' parents simply walk in proud headed, enjoy and get back with the bride (a handy housemaid, so to say). This in addition to all the jewellery that has to be done as per the wishes of the boy's side. How is all this fair? Is it not foolishness that the bride's father sometimes has to give up his property or retirement benefits just to be able to host a wedding - a one day event - that could change the life of the two involved for good or bad. Will not simple wedding do?

My MIL has 4 sons and you should see how proud she is about it. Recently her second son got married and I was watching her in awe when she was telling everyone with pride that she has "dictated the terms" clearly to the girl's mom - about their expectations et al. They have not spent a single penny except for dresses for the family. I have seen that this feeling of an 'All-boys' family, seems to give my MIL an extra edge in the midst of the friends and relatives. She looks down upon all others as though she has the super power of Gods.

Is there no way this situation can ever change. So many things have changed in our society. Will ever someone pass a law that commands that both sides should equally bear the wedding expenses, else host simple wedding Will ever the brides' voice out in harmony against such unscrupulous demands Cant we at IL start out some initiative? These days awareness about so many things are spread with ease. One swine flu, and the media knows how to create awareness, now every one knows about it, has an idea what to do. Is it then not an easy task to send out mass messages - "JUSTICE FOR BRIDES, SAY NO TO DEMANDING GROOMS" or whatever. Nothing is impossible. HOW I WISH for the situation to change in the generations to come -- which is the main cause for female infanticide too.

i agree wit u

I dont think we can change society..but we can definitely start change from our homes....

inlaws may not agree to change but atleast we can make our parents change....

even i agree !! i heard in saudi for marriage .. groom parents will do likethis they spend everything ... totally reverse..i heard from my freind

Hi wantpeace

I think AP and Kerala tops the list in what you have mentioned.

But this is not the case in all community I guess.We had a Kannadiga neighbour and that aunty(who had 3 sons) used to say that boys' side has to spend more than girls' side.Funny thing is even one week before marriage, that son was not allowed to go outside just like girls'

Even from some of my college friends, I heard that both the bride and groom side share the expenses(though the sharing % will definitely be higher for girls' side).I was surprised to hear that.

I agree Soumya.
It IS changing now. For my wedding, my in-laws shared the expenses..!

In some Indian communities expenses are shared -but they are a minority.

Why is it wrong for your MIL to be proud of having four boys? What is she expected to do?

Secondly, regarding the sharing of wedding expenses, we have discussed how and why this practice, and the practice of Streedhana, evolved centuries ago. In this day and age, however, things are different. Girls are equally well-educated and well-placed professionally, so we should keep up with the times and phase out out-dated practices. See, no one puts a gun to the brides' families' heads and commands them to spend so much on the wedding that they go bankrupt. If the parents of a particular groom are demanding that the bride's family host a huge, expensive wedding, then the bride's parents have the option of always refusing the alliance and looking elsewhere for another (and more reasonable) groom. Why don't they do this? So what if your MIL demanded X, Y and Z from your co-sister's mother? Why did your co-sister's mother not call the proposal off? It takes two to tango, my dear, and if your co-sister's mother played along with your MIL's demands, then she is as much at fault as your MIL is. So, why does she get to play the role of the "poor, innocent victim"???

The parents of the brides who willingly spend huge amounts of money - sometimes, even BORROWING MONEY - to throw their daughters a lavish feast are just as much as fault as the parents of grooms who make such demands on their prospective DILs' families. So. they shouldn't be turning around and blaming the grooms' families for their own choices - yes, they *have* the choice of refusing to get their daughter married into such a demanding family, at such expense that it bankrupts THEM (brides' parents)!

Finally, let us remember that at the end of the day, daughters are always more supportive of their parents than sons are. So, even if these parents end up bankrupt, they know that their daughters will *never* let them end up on the streets. In contrast, the parents of sons do not always have this guarantee. See, you may not always win - but you do not always lose either.

JMO.

I too think about this most of the time. It is really sad.

I feel nowadays people are changing a bit. Some of them understand the difficulties and come forward to share the expenses or they agree for a simple wedding.

I agree with Kinjal, change should start from us.. If it is a girl, she must be strong to not agree for the marriage if guys family is demanding more. If it is boy, he must first realise the difficulties of girls family and then convince his parents not to demand more and go for simple marriage.

And as you said about "All-boys family", to make them realise that they are not super power of Gods, each and every girl who is going to be married should have a strong condition that 'I will marry a guy only if he has a sister so that they understand the present generation girls and her family'.

Originally Posted by Laks13

And as you said about "All-boys family", to make them realise that they are not super power of Gods, each and every girl who is going to be married should have a strong condition that 'I will marry a guy only if he has a sister so that they understand the present generation girls and her family'.

Right... and each and every man who is going to be married should also have the equally strict condition that he would ONLY marry a girl with brothers, so that the wife & her family will understand and respect the son-parents dynamics and the men's parents' expectations of their adult, married sons.

Of course, this means that many men and many women will never get married, but who cares, yes?