N.Indian Vs Tamil weddings

Dear all,

This is my first post on this thread. It was interesting to see and understand the spirit behind some of the rituals in Indian weddings. I have a question here. Please dont think I am being prejudiced or sthg, when I ask this.

I have seen in a couple of North Indian weddings, the groom's side does not give ANY gifts to the bride's parents, whereas the bride's parents are supposed to give God-knows-how-many sarees and gold to the mom-in-law, suits for FIL and BILs, sarees for SILs, bhabhis etc, apart from the huge dowry and unwarranted display of lavishness at the cost of the bride's side....

I hv not seen this in Tamil weddings. The 2 sides honour each other appropriately. Pudavai-Veshti is given for the girl's parents during both the engagement and the marriage ceremonies.

If what I saw is what is commonly prevalent, then, I am shocked at this particular belief / ritual followed in North...

At the same time, I am interested in knowing why such a thing is happening in the first place. Be it North or South, this whole thing seems so unjustifiable.

Regards
Pavithra

Hello,
There are lot of differences between North, south or even between religions, caste and langs.
SOme people will demand more, some people are very good that they don't except anything from bride's side.

Punitha

hi pavithra

well i completly understand that you must be feeling that it is unjustifiable, i'm a pakka north indian, punjabi, i can give you a first hand account of this, also i got married justs 5 months back so i have the latest updates i wud say.

In north indian families taking anything from the groom's side is considered an insult for the bride's family, or to say nothing can be accepted from them. everybody is very well contained these days and nobody expects things from anybody, that is the grom's side's attitude these days.

we do things in moderation, limited amt of gold to girl, wich is fixed by the girl's side only, depending upon their financial status... whereas i have seen south indian families where the parents have given 1 kg, 1.5 kg gold, irrespective of whether they can afford it or not... in north indian wedding what's more important to the everybody is that the whole function should be good, and everybody should appreciate the arrangements... considering the life styles and standard of living they maintain... well to be very frank north indians are too conscious of what people think and that is why would rather give or take less but wud make the event a memorable one for everyone...

i have more to say but for now thats it i guess
~Abha

Thanks ...that was a different perspective indeed...

North or South - these traditions r so deep rooted in our culture.
No wonder then girls r (or at least were) considered a 'financial burden' for their families and parents n brothers had to endure the pain of dowry!

One angle I can think of is that, in those days, women were not educated or allowed to be educated / work and earn. Hence, after marriage, she could have been an additional 'expense' (I cannot think of another term here) for her husbands and in-laws. So she was expected to bring along some wealth in the form of dowry (not that this is justifiable???) to compensate for that may be.

But these days, when more women r educated and earning and are actually contributing to their families financially, I wonder why the dowry and extravaganza trend is still continuing. In this case, then technically, her earnings should not go to her in-laws' side since she has anyway brought so much dowry at the time of wedding!!!!

I got married an year back and being a daughter, I was witness to all the joys and pressure my parents underwent, to satisfy everybody at the wedding. There was no extravagant dowry in my case thankfully, but some of the marriage requirements, I was not able to accept them, though my parents happily did it, to whatever extent they could and did not complain at all. I sometimes wish I had been born a son and not a daughter!!

Anyway, let us all hope that all couples lead a happy peaceful married life.

Cheers
Pavithra

Here i actually blame sometimes the girl for it. When there was a time for my wedding or my sister's wedding..we both had told are parents..not a single rupee of dowry. If our parents give something on their own its fine. But if the groom's side ask for a single rupee also then we are not going to marry ourselves in that family. Because if the mindset of the family is like that then never we will be happy..This mindset will always reflect agin in some other day to day activities..
SO gals who are not married and reading this..i say they should take this step.
Mine was a love marraige which got arranged. I belong to Maharashtra and my hubby belongs to Uttaranchal. But though it was a love marraige ..still at the last moment when marraige was fixed i said to my dad ( who actually was against my marraige but somehow eventually said a happy YES to it :) ) if my FIL asks something in dowry then you are not supposed to commit anything. Luckily everything went very smoothly. All credits to my hubby here..

During my elder sister's wedding it was an arranged marraige but the same rule applied. Our dads are always ready for a little dowry to give but then to stop this system i guess the gal should come forward now.

The same should apply at your own home if you have brothers. Our dad is not supposed to take any dowry..

too much of a lecture...

Hi aashree..

Thats a nice thought indeed - bold step from the girl's side to stop dowry..
I think there was a real life case in Delhi where the girl stopped the baarat when the boy's side started demanding too much..

Wish times change for the better!!!

cheers
Pavithra