Suggestions Please!

Hello all
i am only daughter for my parents. i have never been away from them for long in these many years. Mom is a homemaker. Mymom is a perfect blend of orthodox as well as modern values. She is well travelled and she loves visiting places going around with her friends and chatting over phone.
When i was asked to stay away from hometown for my job related activity which is just for five months. My mom was highly depressed. She was finding it very difficult to stay away from me. She really had a tough time she had confined to herself and could not come up with her normal life. She did not even show interest in her cooking (poor dad!). Atlast i was back and things are going on smoothly
Now they are looking for a groom for me. i am now worried as to how my mom can take it once i get married. She will definitely miss me. I don want her to go thro the same thing she did during thse 5 months.
What can be done ? I hope there will be daughters and mothers out here who faced a similar situation. Let me know how well u handled it so that i can also do the same.

Thanks

Illusions,

Growing up and moving away from home is a part of life. Seems hard sometimes to imagine moving away from the family we have come to know our whole lives! Definitley our parents miss us too! But nothing in life stays the same forever, so embrace this new stage of your life. We play many roles in life... daughter, sister, student, career woman, dil, wife, mom! We start out as babies knowing nobody, but by the end of our life we know so many! All of these transitions take time to get used to, but important thing is to not neglect one relationship for the other!

Let your mom know how excited you are to start this new journey in life, but also that you will ALWAYS be there for her. She is probably sad thinking her relationship with you will change, and in a way she's right! Up until now your relationship with your parents has been the most important one in your life, but when you get married, husband becomes #1 priority.

However, love for parents doesn't change just because of this new relationship. Assure your mom you will still talk, visit, and spend time with her after marriage. Remind her that she's not losing a daughter, she's gaining a son!

One more word of advice I can give you, since you have not yet selected a groom, is to find a guy that respects and values your family. It's funny, so many guys have "family values" which only extend to their own parents! Make very sure that the guy you choose is "ok" with you remaining involved with your family after marriage. Some Indian families have the mentality that "once a girl is married, she is dead to her old family." Knowing that such psychos exist out there, avoid them at all costs. Let your parents know you are not interested in proposals from those type of families.

I hope this advice helps you! Remember to enjoy this time of your life. Engagement, wedding, and being the beautiful bride only happens once, so cherish the memories for all they're worth!

I have a brother, but I am only daughter so I can kind of relate. Its every parent's dream to get their daughter married off well and to see her happy and content in life; sons as well but daughters are little bit more closer to their heart.
You should tell your mom that she will not lose a daughter, but get a son. And initially it will be hard, the house will be quiet and they will constantly think of you, but you should maintain close ties with her. If you will be lucky enough to settle in the same city as her, you can do stuff with just you and your mom. My mom and I used to do everything together, but not so much anymore, however we talk ATLEAST 10 times a day! So cheer up, enjoy this time with your parents and don't take them for granted. Most girls go through this withdrawal symptoms, and its natural. In the end, your mom and most moms are happier to see ther child married off, settled with a family in the future rather than single.

ETA: Agree with ASG - family bonds and family ties must also extend to your family not only his. And you too should be able to extend an olive branch and get to know his family. Best wishes!

Thanks a lot. it really induced confidence in me. and made me look at things ina different way! thanks:)

Dear illusions,

This is a common problem among parents of single child.. Every mother knows that the daughter born to her will not be with her always. She will go away from her after marriage.. But when the time comes mothers start to feel heavy hearts. Dear this is a fact of life.

As you told, that it may become hard for her to be normal after your marriage, but believe me, she will be normal after few months.. You can ask your parents to find a guy in your city itself, so that you are near to her and can be with her within few hours...

As ASG also said, find a groom who values your feelings, who will not stop you for your frequent visits to your mom's home. You can discuss this with your would be that initially you may have to meet her very often till she feels comfortable and slowly and gradually you can give a gap to your visits. Discuss with your mom also. Try to make her mentally prepared, ask your parents to go on some short vacations. You have to do all this as per the time left before your marriage..

Reemember that your would be husband can actually make things easier/ difficult for you in future, so consider this while searching for a groom...

By the time spend quality time with your mom. Everything will be alright...

All the best..