Wedding season

Its the marriage season again. The North Indian are known to have lavish weddings with amny different ceremonies and parties.

I was just wondering do all the families who indulge in such lavish weddings, can really afford them or do they do it because" nahi to biradari mein naak kat jayegi"

Also do the Bride & Groom too opt for this or they give in to peer pressures.

Roopa.

Namaste Roopa

I see you are the champion for North Indian issues so I will be picking your brains from time to time.
You know society is not static it incorporates changes. I had thought we were reducing the cost of weddings but there seems to be another trend of lavishness surfacing.

Here in South Africa its also wedding season in December and January because thats when people are on leave, schools are closed etc.
There is no dowry system here. Also many familes cut out the bride changing into another sari/ outfit at the wedding. You spent 4-5 hrs dressing up and then after receiving the grooms sari you have to change in 10-15 minutes while the guests wait impatiently. Also 2 expensive bridal saries that hardly get used again!! So families say pick a bridal sari/ outfit and both parties will share the cost or one side will buy other outfits.

But now the latest expense is catered sit down wedding/ cum reception. So you pay a fortune for simple veg biryani but served with style!! But with more and more people working and busy with their own lives - its easier to get caterers to do the cooking and serving than relatives.

I think many people go over the top but if the couple are working and they are paying for the style they want its fine - they should not burden their parents unnecessarily.

My gripe at the moment is selective inviting. My father's cousin's son sent an invite over the weekend for 2 guests. But he had a fancy envelope, a separate card for the hurdee and seperate card for the wedding. I feel you can cut the costs on those fancy things that people will threw away cos they got no place for it and rather cook an extra pot of vegetable biryani (by the way that's the standard menu at SAn weddings) so you don't need to cut the number of guests from families.
At the end of the wedding all the fancy things are forgotten - if the food was good the wedding was good. Also some people have so many styles they forget that the guest is important and you don't feel that warm atmosphere.

Regards Neesha

Hi Neesha,

Thanks for stepping in and giving your invaluable inputs.

It is so very true that today glamour is replacing warmth at weddings...showing off immense wealth seems to be the in thing.

Regards
Roopa.

Hi Roopa

I'm a North India too, a delhiite to be specific. Well to talk about north Indian weddings can be an endless discussion... I agree they are too extravagant and lavish... but I also want to mention that, north indians are the ones who spend more on the wedding rather than encouraging dowries... Weddings are like a very prominent part of North Indian Culture... so as far as i have seen in my family and other circle, people throw wedding parties according to their taste, budget and class... whoever can afford whatever they go to that limit only... North Indian wedding is all about Tastes and choices of individual (read bride and groom here) and not showing off per se... I got married last year and I would say i have bought some very expensive clothing and very limited amount of jewellery but there has been no exchange of cash whatsoever... My hubby bought expensive clothes too... not cos we are showing off or anything, we bought whatever we could afford and also cos we are fond of good clothing... for that was the celebration or way to celebrate our wedding, we had beautiful flower arrangements, not cause we wanted to tell ppl that we have a very good taste (half of the ppl dont understand what is a taste and wats it got to do with flowers) but we wanted flowers to be like that so we got that done... we wanted good photographs, cos yaar life mein ek baar shaadi kar rahe to photos to jhakaas honi hi chahiye, so we hired best of the best photographers...

Basically wat i want to say here is that it all depends on the taste and choices of ppl, rather than show off.... not cos izzat ka sawaal hai ... I have also seen extremely rich people throwing lousy wedding parties (cos they gave huge amount of dowry also they mght not be having a good taste)... so i conclude its not about the money, its about how you spend it in a nice way...

and talking about attending to the guests and bringing in the warmth at a wedding, it all depends on the values and the type of family, a good host should personally attend to all his guests, whether he knows them or not, girl's side (parents) should speak to every guest and ask them if they are enjoying and had something and the same should be the responsibilty of the guy's side (parents). a simple gesture of going up to everyone is good enuf to make everyone feel comfortable... rest, always remember you cant make everyone happy ...

~Abha

Hi Roopa and Neesha

recently been to hyderabad, my home town in India and was dismayed to know that the much reviled dowry system is well and thriving there. At the time of my marraige, I was hoping that by the time I have marraige age kids, thing will change for the better but seems 20+ years not enough to bring change. I see the brides decked head to toe in gold & diamonds and property worth cr's as dowry. These affluent few are setting the expectations of the rest 99% sky high and making life a hell for the parents of young girls. The girl being equally well educated and working at a decent job is not enough.

Here in my micro environment along with a tight circle of close friends we do our best to bring about change in the thinking of those we come across. I have the good fortune of befriending people who had not asked a single penny when their sons got married and infact shared the wedding expenses with the girl's families. Yes we do make elaborate plans /arrangements for the wedding festivities( we do our best to extend the festivities by including north indian rituals like mehendi, baraat dances, wedding songs etc and western bachelor / bachelorette parties, showers) but the events are hosted by close friends....I myself have hosted pre-/post-wedding dinners, lessening the stress both financial as well as physical for my friends. And i am sure i will recieve the same when my daughter / son marry.

A wedding is a communal event and should not become a burdensome event for the parents/youth bearing the expense just to keep up with the joneses.

Hi All,

I agree what Abha says its all depend on the tastes and choices of people. There are rich people who throw lousy wedding party because of dowry/their tastes.

I agree with Roopa also that today glamour is replacing warmth at weddings. Last night only i went for a wedding party of a very rich family everything was there except the warmth was missing....

We felt very bad.

Hi Abha,

I completely agree with you, that if one has good taste then things stand out.


Bondie, thats a good prctice that you guys are following there..it really helps and also nice to know that someone cares and takes part in all walks of life.

Yes Poonam, actually there is a very thin line between class and extravagance. In some weddings that we attend, the family members have hardly time to see to all the guests except to the elite few and you just walk around ...help yourself, entertain yourself and be off.

Roopa.