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Dowry -Share your Personal Experiences

Discussion in 'Married Life' started by Swashika, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Hello Friends....

    In Indian Wedding dowry is the payment in cash or some kind of gifts given to bridegroom's family along with the bride. Generally they include cash, jewellery electrical appliances, furniture, bedding, crockery, utensils and other household items that help the newly-wed set up her home.

    These days dowry is given as status symbol.. To show how rich a family is... This has become a burden to people...Every parent who have a daughter is saving money from the childhood for getting her married.. This stress is more on the lower and middle class people.

    We have heard many news about the inlaws torturing the DIL for dowry.. Many Commit suicide coz of this Dowry.. Many families gone bankrupt and is under debt..

    Mine was a love marriage and my parents didnt accept my marriage.. My MIL and FIL only got us married... Ours was a grand marriage to their status...

    Im from a rich family.. but i got married to my DH without bringing anything from my home.. They never insisted on that..

    Now after many years my parents have accepted me.. Even now they didnt ask my parents to give dowry or jewels or any sought of Dowry..

    Even if my parents give me or my kids my DH would say why are you taking all this from them...

    For many inlaws Dowry is being the important thing in a marriage....

    But for me it didnt have any role in my wedding...

    If u have had any similar or different experience plz share it with me... if u also have any remedies or tips in this issue for ppl suffering by this dowry plz share...
     
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  2. kanaka Raghavan

    kanaka Raghavan IL Hall of Fame

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    Good to see some one like your in laws these days.Times when people are after money all time and after the means to generate them.I got married 26 years back.My father in law was no more then.My mother in law did not even see me before marriage.Only her sister and sister's husband came along with my husband to see me.After the marriage was fixed,when ever my father went to Delhi to meet her,he used to tell about the arrangements being made and about the things he had purchased for me ,she used to say do whatever is convenient for her.During marriage when my parents insisted that she should see the items given for me she refused,.Only on the insistence of her mother she agreed to see.She also bought saris and jewels for me and after that has never spoken about a pie.Even for my brothers in law's marriages,nothing was asked by her.So there are people out there who are like this.Not all of them are bad.
    Nowadays I feel even the girls' parents and girls take advantage of the laws for women and pretend they are being harassed by the groom's parents and file cases against them.Not all the parents are like that.Some of them are good.I think the parents should look at their own status and position when they look out for their daughter.There is no point in looking for some one high end and then saying they ask dowry.Look for some one of your stature and sit across and discuss the issues before one proceeds.Talking helps and agreeing on crucial issues helps to prevent things to greater extent.
     
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  3. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    thank you madam for ur reply..

    u said its good to see such inlaws for me.. but yours is 26yrs before.. So your MIL is really sweet.. She didnt even interfere in the marriage preparations also... thats something great..

    Yes as u said not all of them are bad these days.. Some exceptions like yours and mine are also there..

    Good to hear your experience... thanks for posting...
     
  4. Coffeelover

    Coffeelover Platinum IL'ite

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    Nice postings and great topic. Mine is love marriage and my DH family is wealthy. I heard that they gave so much for my sister in law. When my family approached my in law to talk about the dowry and other things, they refuse to discuss. They told us what ever you want to do, do it. Unfortunately my FIL passed away before my marriage. My mil was so nice until she died. I have so much respect for them. God Bess their soul.
     
  5. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for stepping in...

    Its nice to hear one more good story in regard to dowry... but felt bad to know ur inlaws are no more...

    when they had given more dowry to their daughter and didnt expect from DIL itself shows how nice inlaws they would have been to you... As u said its unfortunate that they r not with u now..

    I too pray for their souls to rest in peace..
     
  6. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Thanks for stepping in...

    Its nice to hear one more good story in regard to dowry... but felt bad to know ur inlaws are no more...

    when they had given more dowry to their daughter and didnt expect from DIL itself shows how nice inlaws they would have been to you... As u said its unfortunate that they r not with u now..

    I too pray for their souls to rest in peace..:bowdown
     
  7. chitrajaraika

    chitrajaraika Platinum IL'ite

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    dear swashika

    you are blessed to get a such a lovable life and your dowry experience is good that they didnt ask you at al.

    my dh family even ask small silly things as dowry like sembu,thattu,thooku vaali which we didnt buy during mariage.hence i fight with my dh for silly things also they are asking as dowry.then as usual jewels,lots of kitchen vessels,fridge ,tv,washing machine and so on.they planned to ask bike but my parents told as they have another daughter not able to do it.

    So mapilai we put 5 poun gold but they told they wont do anything for me.i fight with me dh becaus in my rituals for kalyana ponnu they put chain and gold thaali chain.then my dh only bought for me.i know one thing if we are a silent and patience they ask.so i never wanna make my parents to feel sad.

    even for maru veedu function they expect us to arrange big van.then i told we cant you can arrange.always they make my parents to spend money after marriage finally i told about my parents condition to my dh then he advised his parents not to ask anything,

    after marriage everyone checked my neck and jewels and ask how much poun gold.

    anyhow we managed it.really by gods grace i got good dh.
     
  8. meerajesh59

    meerajesh59 Gold IL'ite

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    Hi Swashi,
    Nice discussion. Mine is arranged marriage as all of you know. When we were seeking alliance, I was very strict in my side that there should not be any expectations from my inlaws regarding dowry. After all talks over through phone between my parents and inlaws only I accept to meet the guy. So before our meeting itself I confirmed that there is no expectations from my ILs. So I was happy with the proceedings. Instead of that they gifted me a diamond stead for my wedding.

    So tell me, Who is lucky?
     
  9. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    hi soniya..

    It was a bad experience for you...

    Even if its a love marriage i think some Inlaws ask dowry wantedly...

    Yes as u said if v are quiet only they will keep asking... we should never say ok to all that crap..

    As ur DH was in ur side u could have felt little better i think..

    Very silly it is to know that they asked to arrange van... very simple things they are asking and losing their respect...

    But now all is fine with ur DH.... Thats the happy thing...
     
  10. Swashika

    Swashika Silver IL'ite

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    Meena - for sure u are so lucky... As well as ur inlaws to get a good DIL...

    I liked ur condition of not giving dowry..

    Every girl will have that wish. We shouldn't give dowry. But when it come to that point they will have to compromise..

    But u have followed it strictly and made it happen.. Thats really nice..

    Also u have a got a very nice diamond earing as gift.. ur lucky to get such wonderful inlaws. so happy for u..

    Good Work.Keep it up...
     

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