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Dark Night

Discussion in 'Stories (Fiction)' started by sundarusha, Aug 28, 2008.

  1. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    I got up from my bed slowly so that the clanky noise of the metal cot did not wake my grandfather. I tiptoed as quietly as I could and opened the wooden door that led to the backyard well. I did not have time to stop and admire the water drops on the pail glistening so brightly in the moonlight.

    As I passed the alley that led to Shringar street, I had to cover my nose to block the strong stench from the dumpyard. As usual, a few cows loitered around there. The neighborhood store- owner closed the shutters on his store with a loud slam. I was glad that he did not spot me going out at this unGodly hour. The cool- drink shop within a few yards which was so busy during the day, looked deserted. During the day , I would have stopped for the bottle of cola that had a marble on the top instead of the cap.

    In the next turn stood the dilapitated temple. There were many rumors going on among the village folks that one should never enter the temple alone, and that too never at night. Someone who defied the rule never returned. I have dared to go with a few friends in the daytime. There was nothing haunting about the place except for a few bats that flew noisily upon hearing our footsteps. Still, it sent a chill up my spine that I would have to cross this temple alone to get where I was heading.

    I relaxed a bit, now that I had crossed the temple and was within reach of the Dheep lake. I always wondered about this name. Is it because someone spelt it wrong instead of Deep or is it because townfolks had the custom of litting mud lamps down the lake during summer.

    The wind howled in my ears and blew my hair all over my face. It made me very uncomfortable when my hair was messed up because it tickled my face and I coudn't do anything about it . Both my hands were occupied with the umbrella from flying away.

    I hastened my steps a little as I reached the Jasmine garden, so called because of the abundance of so many varieties of jasmine flowers. This is the spot that all of us- My cousins and I loved to spend our summer evenings. We would stroll around the manicured hedges and the topiaries. We would walk admiring the fountains on the way to the river. My favorite fountain was a nymph holding a water pot brimming with water. The paint on her sari pleats had paled due to the constant association with water falling from her pot. Occasionally we would walk into the library that was part of the garden and spend sometime reading the childrens' magazines. No one was there at that hour except a stray dog that let a weak yelp in the hope that I would give a morsel.

    I was now out of the south gate of the park mentally thanking the security that had forgotten to lock the gate. It had started to rain though I had not felt the rain drops under the groves of the park. The air was icy cool as if announcing the end of summer.

    I turned into the Gyan school playground. It was pitch dark due to the surounding trees and partly due to the clouds. It appeared that the children who were swinging there had got up and left in a hurry. I knew otherwise that the swings were moving due to the blowing strong winds.

    Right there, in the middle of the playground, on top of a see-saw I spot Das shivering uncontollably as he did not have a sweater on. Even though I am glad to find him, I scold him for leaving the home at this unearthly hour. He did not resist as I drape my sweater over him and hurry home before grandfather finds out that we have been missing. Das's explanation can wait until tomorrow.
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2008
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  2. Devika Menon

    Devika Menon Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Usha,

    Meticulously written about each detail.Wow!! .The way you have described the way to the playground made me feel as though I was walking along.

    Boy the temple was really spooky .:hide:.Loved the little descriptions about the wooden door, the cooldrink shop, the Dheep lake(sounds more like it because of the mud lamps I guess),the Jasmine garden(wow), the wind playing with your hair.......

    What was Das doing there Usha?? I am really waiting to know.

    I loved the post Usha. So very well written.

    Love,
    Devika
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2008
  3. Mindian

    Mindian IL Hall of Fame

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    dear usha,
    that was wow..excellent narration...in pictureperfect detail...hey is it going to be a serial...waiting for das's explanation...
    love
    Mindi
     
  4. Saraswathipv

    Saraswathipv IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Usha,

    You took me along...in that dark windy night....

    Excellent narration....

    I am eagerly waiting for Das's side of story..

    By the way..is Das your pet or a toy....??...getting curious dear.............
     
  5. Arunarc

    Arunarc Moderator Staff Member IL Hall of Fame

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    Dear Usha
    Nice write up about the Dark Night............
    In the beginning thot it might be some scary story, was a little bit inbetween about the temple and crossing the gate and coming to the school playground and finding Das.............Now who is this Das.................
    Please put in fast waiting to know .......who this Das is.............
     
  6. Shanvy

    Shanvy IL Hall of Fame

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    hi usha,

    Good piece of writing dear, you took us along, I for one was following your each step....and have now left us wondering about who is das..not fair...
     
  7. malspie

    malspie Platinum IL'ite

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    That was almost like a screenplay. Ram Gopal Varma Would have loved it.

    Good narration!
     
    Last edited: Aug 28, 2008
  8. Uma Jogi

    Uma Jogi Senior IL'ite

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    hi...
    a very nice description abt the surroundings,,!!
    a very nice write up...
    Waiting for the continuation of this post..!!
     
  9. Anandchitra

    Anandchitra IL Hall of Fame

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    Usha
    I thoroughly enjoyed your narration.. excellent!
    Your description of the play ground, the temple the wind... Superb!
    Each and every word is gripping.. written in great detail.. WOW!
     
  10. sundarusha

    sundarusha Gold IL'ite

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    Dear Devika

    I can't express well how elated I felt reading your lovely comments. Being my first attempt at story-writing, I was a little apprehensive to post under short stories section.

    About Das.. I wanted to leave a suspense so readers can assume him to be whomever they prefer...
     

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