My fetus was detected with Down's Syndrome, so should I abort it?

My Dear,
I am so sorry that you have to make such a hard decision. My prayers are with you and your family at this time. Hope you all have the strength to make the right decision. either one is not a bad or good decision. Its upto you and your DH. You both have to be in complete agreement of the decision you come to as you have to live with that decision. I hope and pray that your extended families are with you in support.
God Bless
Aparna

 

Orpi

I don't think your decision to keep the child is crazy or ridiculous. However, you should examine your assumptions behind that decision. It is my understanding that children with Down's Syndrome may have any of a wide spectrum of cognitive and physical impairments, and that it's hard to tell what exactly they are before the child is born.

I know of someone who lost their Down's Syndrome child a few months after he was born because he had great physical challenges to overcome and could not survive. So, it is not a simple matter of therapy making a child "almost as normal as ordinary people", as you say. If you are hoping for this, and the child turns out to have severe physical and mental handicaps, what will you do then? I think you should rather prepare yourself for the worst case scenario, and yet hope for the best, if you do decide to keep the child.

Weigh the pain you feel at the thought of aborting the child against the pain you will feel (and more importantly, the pain the child will feel - Down's Syndrome children have feelings and thoughts and emotions just like any other child) if you cannot handle a child who is "not normal". Although I have read about and seen parents who take great pleasure in raising their Down's Syndrome children, it is not for everyone. It seems to me that it would take immense courage and strength of character. Personally, I don't think I could do it. Only you know if you can do it. Your husband doesn't seem to think he can. To me, these are more important considerations than whether abortion is morally right or wrong. But that is my personal feeling on this matter.

(Thanks for the votes of confidence, Poonam and Nandhu)

 

Dear Opri,

Life is presenting you one of the toughest decision. As already all have mentioned, it has to be a combined decision (you and your husband) whether to continue with this pregnancy or not.

You should definitely be able to conceive again. I've had close relatives who had to take a decision(not to continue the pregnancy) and later have normal children.

I've also seen close people struggle with a Downs Syndrome child for 14-20yrs. Life long commitment is a really big job. Do consider all facts and make a decision.

LK

 

Orpi,
i had never bothered to know about this genetic disorder before, and only when i learnt that you plan to keep ur LO, is when i did a little reading.
for me, its okie of my child appears physically different , he/she is slower than the others is okie as well, i have to part more time for him is very well understood, to digest that at times he will be treated like a "special kid" by others is fine too.
but its not fine with my if my baby is struggling to breathe, or his heart is struggling to thrive. i dont think i can see my baby in pain all the time.

so please rethink, weigh the pros and cons.. its not just you or your husband who would have to be commited for life with your special little one, also bear in mind that there could be a possibility where the baby could be struggling to good health all his/her life.

i personally dont think i would have the courage to face this every day i see him/her grow. but then all of us think differently, and this is me.

i understand time is ticking for you, and i pray you gather all the strength to take the right decision for you and your LO, i hope HE shows you the right path.

whatever decision you take, we all are here to morally support you, dear friend

 

Orpi,
I am very sorry to see you in this situation. I can totally understand how you must be feeling because I was in your situation. Not once but twice!!! The first time the fetus had multiple abnormalities and the docs said the baby MAY survive but with severe physical and mental challenges. And the second time it was a genetic condition (Trisomy 13). Both times we were heart broken but DH & me did what was best for our babies...We couldn't see them suffer the rest of their lives..We went through lot of genetic counselling which helped us take a decision what was good for us and for our babies. So we let them go (both times!!!)...We were completely heartbroken but never lost hope...I just have to tell you that after 3 yrs of struggle I had a healthy baby boy on July 31st...Now it doesn't mean that I forgot about my first 2 pregnancies...Those babies will be part and parcel in our lives..

I am not advocating you to do something but just want to tell you that..nobody can take a decision for you. You and your DH have to sit and decide. If you decide to keep the baby, then you both need to make that decision together. Because it's not a one day thing..It's going to be a life time committment..Also consider financial aspects too. Can you afford to take care of the child in the needed way?? Think practically..I know it's hard in these times but YOU HAVE GOT TO THINK IN ALL DIFFERENT WAYS..

I hope god gives you strength in making a decision.
Good luck and let me know if you want to talk

 

Orpi

I have read through all the posts . My heart goes out to you . Please accept my bear hugs. it will make you better.

I would sincerely advise you to go ahead with the abortion before its too late . It may sound cruel.. but in the long run that I think would be the best thing to do.

You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you . I am sure you will be blessed with beautiful healthy children.

All the best dear

Bhooma

 

Orpi, Hugs to you.
I need to talk about this incident that I had the privilege to write about when I was a journalist.
A huge corporate hospital here I met parents of a lovely Egyptian Girl. The press conference was ostensibly called to announce the miracle surgery (correction at one go of Tetralogy of Fallot - i.e. four defects of the heart 1: hole in the atrium-ventricle wall, 2: aortic valve defect 3: ventricular overgrowth and pulmonary stenosis). The child had down syndrome and other additional defects. The question asked of the mother is what now? She raised her palms to heaven and said: "Allah has a plan and I will follow it." It is easy to write off the mother's conviction as being fatalistic, but she was the strongest woman I had come to meet in my life. In ways more than she knows she has influenced me in raising my child.
That said, I wont recommend raising a child with medical needs to every parent. It is an intense, telling work. I know how rewarding it can get.
So, Opri. Yes, it is possible to provide therapy from birth to raise an Down Syndrome child to be a healthy, loving individual. (Note: I wont use that word normal.) I know of 40 year old Down Syndrome adults who have extraordinary love for others around them. One of them is a master baker and heads the baking unit of the NGO advocating for them.
That said - and to echo Ansuya here - the syndrome has a range of symptoms that varies from profound disability and the inability of a child to live beyond the first year to say getting a college degree. I have met children who have had Tetralogy of Fallot - four heart conditions that include Atrial-Ventral Septal defect (hole in the heart), mitral valve defects to profound deafness, to physical disabilities. They have had series of surgeries the first few years and then went on to live a life that is profoundly affected by the genetic condition. I have had the privilege to meet Down Syndrome Bharatanatyam performers and also meet children who are abandoned to orphanages because the parents tried but could not meet the intense demands of raising a child with a disability. (Good Vibes to all of you in that place in your life.)

The mothers were this graceful, strong, beautiful (in their mind) persons who fought hard for their children -WITH THE SUPPORT OF FAMILY. Without the support, it becomes a hard job.

Only you can tell if you can get your husband enlisted into this, only you know if your husband is the sort who will change his mind once he looks at your child, only you know if you can be the advocate for your child. If you can, then you should have the child. But, may I suggest you and your husband meet people with Down Syndrome, their parents, talk to NGOs that are advocating for people with Down Syndrome.

I have to say Mridusudha put it beautifully. :bowdown. and ((HUGS))

 

Orpi,
My heartfelt wishes to you.. and lots of hugs.
abt the abortion - its a mutual decision between ur hubby and wife. and since ur doctor has suggested it and ur hubby too agrees with the doc, i would suggest to go ahead with it. it may sound cruel now, but bringing a child into this world knowing fully well that u will never be able to give it the love and respect (from others) he/she deserves, it very bad.
i agree and respect ur feelings, but once the child is born, it wud be a tough job for both of u and the child at EVERY STAGE. from getting accepted, in school admissions, in personality development of the child, and the future life in terms of wedding, ur child's children, etc. also, imagine how wud ur child feel when it grows old and starts to understand their illness/incapabilities due to downs syndrome? do u think u will be strong enuf to convice the child abt their own misfortunes? can u see the pain all ur life? CAN UR CHILD BEAR THE PAIN AND HUMILIATION (FROM SOCIETY) ALL HIS/HER LIFE?? woud it be fair to keep ur 'ethics' in mind than the future of the child?

think abt all this.

but i feel u shud go ahead with it and save the child all the trouble/pain he or she might face in life in future. all because of ur decision!

 

Dear Orpi

Sure you will be there in my prayers. Take care of your health.