Hi everyone, Anyone from joint families ? How's ur life in a joint family? also give ur views on it. madhupkk.
Hi Madhu, I have lived in the JF for 10 yrs and then moved out as we had to shift to Pune for work. JF has its own pros and cons. Each individual has a different set of problems and hence there can't be any set rules. But yes if the couple can understand each other well and the husband knows his duties towards his wife and his family then there will be less tension. Also, the family should welcome the DIL with open arms...the MIL should never forget that she was at the same stage when she came into this family and hence from her experience she should take all the good points and treat the DIL too in the same manner.
Hi, Thanks roopadadia. Actually i have been married for 8 years now. I am basically the only daughter to my parents. Ours was a love marriage and I was excited to enter a joint family as always I used to love such an atmosphere. But it has become so mechanical that I loathe it. I love my in-laws, my 2 BIL's ,their children. I love my co sis's too, only we 3 get to have gr8 fun. But kir-kir's keep happening,especially betw 1st DIL and MIL.
Hi I am not really in a joint family as my Hubby is the only son and my SIL is married. But may dad's family is a huge 50 member one. So i know how it is from a dear daughter;s angl. Please bare with my spellings there's some serious problem with my keyboard and some of the keys are not working. So coming back to the topic my mamma never had big problems as she is working and no other woman in my family works so she was aleways ex cused. yes it has its own share of happiness as you are never alone but yes you are never alone even if you want to be. The number of expectations is as huge as number of people but it also comes with their love. All in all i would say its a package deal ek pe ek free. njoy it for best part and neglect not so good as it would reduce the conflicts. But its fun
Hey, That was very sweet of you, vaidehi. I know,actually I am coming to that. Due to the kir-kir's, there is always a cold war between them. Me and my other co-sis have always to take sides:either of MIL or CO_SIS(1st). When I took MIL's side ,I got separated from my sis's. Now we all three are on one side like fighting for our rights, but the scene has worsened. MIL and FIL want to go out leaving us three families together. But that's impossible. So, we are all going to break-up, which I am not able to digest. It's not that taking sides is compulsory, but I have tried to keep everyone on one platfm but these kir-kir's keep coming up. When there are no conflicts, MIL and CO_sis behave like mother and daughter making us both bakras. MIL is possessive like all MIL's.
Hai I am living in a joint family for more than 12 yrs. It has some advantages at the same time some disadvantages are also there. But to me the advantages are more. When elders are there, we can be quiet relieved. My children are taken care of by MIL when I come for work, no need to worry about them. No monetary worries also becoz all expenses are shared between the members. Children are learning good habits and moral values and the habit of sharing in a joint family. Andal
Madhu, sometimes its best to keep quiet and just imagine that things are happening on the tv screen and not in reality. Interfere only if things go out of hand or you are asked to. I normally used to just slid away from the scene and let the 2 handle it. My DH says when things don't concern you don't unnecessary poke your nose into it.
That's really good ,Andal . I envy you .All three of us have really no intention to leave the family. Though we came from different backgrounds, we really get together very well. My big BIL IS VERY MUCH AGAINST going out though he is suffering most of the problems. It's funny actually. MIL doesn't share our work at all. But she initiates most of the works. THe main problem is: MIL is non-stop talker giving out orders /requests making us busy all the time. Though I am a B Tech, others are alo degree holders none of us are allowed to go 4 a job. Our hubbies too are against it. MIL never takes care of the children (very little). We are expected to finish all the work along with taking care of our children. Due to this, we never get time to take proper care or spend time with them. We want to give them the best edu, health and training in diff arts but we hardly have contact with anyone. There is no time to go and join them also. All our worry is with our kids and our hearts really ache 4 them. Though we are veryfinancially sound, we are not supposed to think so as we have come from lesser income families. Our house has 2 upper floors with overall 1o rooms and is quite big. We have to manage the whole house without a servant. Just because MIL wont give more than a certain amount to any maid or she would not like her 4 any reason. We spend our lives in the kitchen . THE only positive thing is we share our work so that mornig one takes over then evening another one and the next morning another. We get one day free in 3 days but of course with plenty of other work. Do u know, we get our own tamarind, mangoes,amla ,moong dal,etc from our fields which we 3 get to clean them. Then MIL grinds mirchi(10-12kgs) at home itself. We dry many items on the 4th floor .While climbing the stairs, we almost cry. We behave as if we were in the zamana of our grandparents in villages. Though we have money ,there is no happiness. We do not even get to meet our relatives/parents often. My parents have never slept in our house even in8 years. MIL and FIL are not thinking of our children's future though they keep scolding us that we are not good parents. Even now, we are thinking of their future only but they dont even recognise it. MIL did not have a MIL always lived indeptly, now also wants to live so but by defaming us. madhu.
Same thing with my DH. DIL 2 is like what u said above. I am 3. I try to b like that but cannot 4 a long time. :spin
hi, we and my BIL stayed separately for almost 10 years and then started living together. living in a joint family is sometimes good and sometimes bad, it all depends on individuals. for taking care of kids and with regard to monetary matters it is good and for privacy it is of course bad. kids growing in a JF will have different attitude towards life. sailaja:thumbsup
