H4 Wife - Things to do?

Hello Ladies,

When I say success stories, I mean H4 ladies who have overcome the H4 Panic syndrome and have found some positive engagements and satisfaction, while on the H4 boat. Please share with us your success stories, your small, small achievements, while you were on H4 and let us learn from your experiences that, being on H4 is not that depressing after all.
Also share with us the transition from H4 to (EAD) Green Card status. Did your efforts and all that waiting, finally pay off? Did you grab that great opportunity as soon as you had the work permit, that you couldn't touch while you where on the dependent visa?

Please enlighten us with your success stories and let us learn from your experiences.
Instead of telling us what you plan to do, please tell us what you have already done.

Thank You.

Hi Shal, I just joined to this community and im in H4 status. Its good tht u are engaged with some work and gonna do MS in Jan. Even i have some plans to do MS. Could tell me more details on MS say,wht is the minimum qualification to do MS. I did my graduation in India in Commerce. Is this eleigible to do MS or i have to do 1yr course to get to MS?

Hi all,
I am Geeta, staying in maryland, read all the post regarding h4 lives and am relieved thinking, what i am going through is normal....
stil long way to go, there your views have actually motivated me to join this site and share my feelings..
also got ideas to utilise the time..can anyone pls let me know regarding the short term courses , less expensive also any courses fine art...someone suggested the idea of fine art, good one....
thanks alot...
will be back soon..

Hi shakila,

I am also in the same position.

anyways it will take a long time for me to get H1 visa say 1.5 years

So i m planning to keep myself busy

like reading some good books, dance class or gym,any volunteer work

Originally Posted by shakila

I am Shakila and following is my profile...

- I got a bachelors degree in India
- I was working for a good company in India making decent earnings
- I got married to a H1B visa holder, which put me in H4 visa status (yes, that dreaded H4)
- Being H4, I can't work or earn a single dollar.
- All I can do is stay at home and stare at the four walls (Not ready for kids yet)

Does the above profile sound similar to you? Are you a fellow H4 visa holder as well? Please share how you use your time without getting bored to death.

I meet lots of H4's who are in the same boat and this thread could be useful not only to me, but to fellow H4 travellers as well:

hello everyone ,


i am also h4 and like all i am also getting bored everyday as i am in IT field but in h4 i think i will forget technology . i always try to read related materials but can't get serious , due to that i think no one can give me job in future in IT,as in IT u always update your skill with new technology .
can any one help me what to do next? any course? as i will try to do some reading related to .net technology .

To all those ladies on an H4 visa

It's good to know there's so much support here for people like us. I've been here in the US for a year now, on an H4 visa, while my husband works. I feel a bit guilty saying this, but it's mostly been a wonderful time for me. I thought I would share some of the things that have kept me sane. All of it may not be for everyone, but I hope it manages to keep some of you out of trouble and off the streets!

Things you can do legally on an H4 Visa

1. Volunteer – You don't have to view this as merely a “timepass” or half-hearted endeavour for want of something better to do. It is a noble form of work. Society may have taught us that any work one is not paid for is worthless, but the opposite is true. In its purest form, work for no material reward, simply for the betterment of others, can be most gratifying (as all religions teach). Treat your volunteer work as a real job, and in addition to being a productive member of society, you will feel fulfilled personally.
Other perks of volunteering are meeting new people (almost all volunteers, in my experience, are generally kind-hearted and friendly), learning new skills, and very importantly, integrating into your new environment. Check online volunteer job postings, local animal shelters, libraries, and hospitals.

2. Improve your English or learn a new language - If you've moved to the US and feel your English could do with some improvement, look for formal or informal opportunities to brush up on your language skills. Some libraries/universities offer these classes (some for free) to English Second language speakers. Alternatively, you may make friends who are prepared to help you with your English in more informal, social ways. Otherwise, you could take a Business English course, to improve your written and spoken language skills in the workplace (in preparation for when you get that H1-B visa!).
The other option is to learn a new language. This can be done online, or depending on where you are, in some kind of community class (Spanish is a useful language to know in the US). Not many people have the luxury of enough free time to brush up on language skills or learn a new one. Your H4 visa gives you this advantage.

3. Run your home like a business - Running a home is not an easy feat, especially if you are as meticulous and efficient in carrying out your household duties as you are in your "real" job. Cooking, cleaning, and childcare can all be quite fulfilling if you tackle these tasks with the mindset that you're going to do them to the best of your ability. This may mean figuring out the best way to run your kitchen, being creative and adventurous with your cooking, researching childcare issues so you can supplement your natural mothering instinct with help and advice from experts, etc.
If these aspects of being a homemaker don't interest you, how about assuming more responsibility in the more non-traditional (that is, those things normally done by the man) aspects of running a home? For example, you can learn enough about car maintenance to assume full responsiblity for the care of the cars in your household (your husband may appreciate this being taken off his plate!). If you like accounting and numbers, you can do your household taxes, budget for household expenses, and pay bills. Home DIY is another exciting way to occupy yourself (painting, stripping and re-varnishing furniture, putting up wallpaper, taking care of minor household plumbing and electrical issues, etc.). With a wealth of free information online and very affordable DIY supplies here in the States, you may discover skills you never knew you had!

4. Develop a new hobby - You may have always wanted to learn how to draw, or play the guitar, or embroider. Not all hobbies are expensive or difficult to start. With all this extra time on your hands, this is the best time to indulge in artistic or other pursuits. You can get cheap supplies at hobby stores, join clubs in your community, or go online to talk with other people who can advise you as you explore a new interest.
If you don't think of yourself as artistic, there are intellectual (blogging, book clubs, Rotary Club, Toastmasters) or physical (join a gym, a running or cycling club) activities you can consider. Often, whatever you learn or do may make you a more interesting or broad-minded person (for example, you can display your art or embroidery in your home, or use your musical skills to entertain others). Many people would love to have unlimited time to devote to their hobbies or interests. Don't waste this opportunity you have - it may not come along again soon!

5. Be a people person - It can be easy to succumb to the H4 blues; you wake up late, watch a lot of TV, don't change out of your pyjamas, eat junk food, and pester your husband when he gets home! It's important to maintain a regular routine that helps you avoid this trap. Make healthy food choices, exercise your mind and body, and most importantly, don't withdraw from the world. Devote time and attention to your family. Think consciously about how you can be a better mother and wife, and work on improving those aspects of yourself.
Make an effort to communicate with friends and relatives who are far away. Since you have the time, you can act as a sort of co-ordinator that keeps the channels of communication open between people scattered all over the world. Perhaps you can start writing and emailing a family newsletter to keep everyone apprised of extended family developments. When you write or mail or call someone, honestly give them your full attention.
Explore your new environment. There are few things more exciting than moving to a new country. Don't close yourself off from people who are not like you. Be open to friendships with people outside of your particular community. After all, you've made a choice to live in a foreign country - you won't learn anything new if you avoid any significant social contact with all "foreigners"! It's been my experience that non-Indian Americans have been generally very friendly and interested in learning about other cultures (this may differ, depending on where you live).

Being here on an H4 visa doesn't have to be the end of the world. In fact, it may be the start of a new and exciting life. You can cast off any inhibitions or restrictions that may have held you back before, and discover aspects of yourself that will bring great rewards in the future. It really has a lot to do with your attitude - if you can adjust your way of thinking, you will appreciate how lucky you are to have this time to yourself. Enjoy it!

Best wishes
Ansuya

Too good a post :)), i liked it a lot. Mainly because its verrrryyyy pleasant change from other posts on the 'dreaded H4 ' topic.

What i liked is your attitude, very positive one. Kudos Ansuya !!!

Agreeing or disagreeing with what activities you have proposed is dependent on an individual's preference but its the positive outlook that one needs to keep and just learn a new way of life. Its not all bad, is it?

By the way, i have decied to learn spanish because all the spanish people i have met till date think i look spanish . So my dh suggested i go for it. Haha

Keep up the outlook, its extremely nice.

Cheers!

Thanks for the feedback, Sprasanna! I've just been looking at Soccermom's thread about how H1-B visa holders tend to look down on the H4s, and it was a very interesting read. I've got lots of ideas on this topic, so I expect I'll be posting more in the near future. Specifically, I have some thoughts on how to deal with "well-meaning" friends and relatives who imply that not working outside the home somehow equates to not living a useful life, and also how to deal with the budgetary contraints of a single-income household. I welcome all of your thoughts and input too.

You know , working and not working is a matter of choice when you are in a position to make that choice. H4 visa holders are not in that position , to make a choice, as they CANNOT work at all, atleast not in a regular salaried job. Soccermom's post was terrific too, about people looking down on H4 visa holders. Absurd when you consider that they have no choice due to the laws here.

Also , some people prefer not to work. They like their lives just that way. They pursue their hobbies or whatever they wanna do Its not for anyone else to decide whether they are wasting their time or not. Nobody has the right to pass judgement on the the way a person decides to use his or her time , so long as its not detrimental to soceity ! I know many people who are perfectly happy not working , they lead useful lives too and are perfectly happy the way they are.

On the flip side, there are many people for whom working (dual-income) is a neccesity. They may not like it but they dont have a choice , they have to work because of financial reasons.

I know of people on H4 who do mentoring , work in senior care centres , do free lance writing, create their own cooking blogs, have home-day care, teach dancing/other arts. So many things they like/interest them. Also, some of these options enable you to earn money in cash payments like home day-care and teaching dance etc. Some women i know are interested in fitnesss and offer personal fitness dance classes too, like zumba and salsa, in a person's home. They charge on the basis of hours and payment is by cash only. Some even supply boxed meals to people in their complex, and their main customers are the H1 PEOPLE !

I would also say that doing none of the above is also fine, if you are happy at it. Dont let anyone 'look down' on you just for that reason !

Cheers!

You raise some excellent points, Sprasanna. It is true that there is nothing wrong with choosing not to work, or if you have no choice in the matter, enjoying your time at home. I've just found that although we all "know" we have a right not to be judged, some members of the Indian community, especially here in the US, can be extremely critical, competitive, and judgemental. Some who have achieved H-status or a Green Card tend to look down on those who haven't got there yet (as per Soccermom's post). This is an unhealthy attitude - we should be supportive of each other at best (and at our worst, we always have the choice of just not reacting instead of making another person feel small in order to elevate ourselves).

Just a word of caution to those H4 visa holders who are considering providing some kind of cash-only service to earn extra money - this is ILLEGAL in the US. You aren't even allowed to work online and earn money (in any currency, or any country). Of course, it is unlikely you will be caught, but if like me, you're an inveterate rule follower, it might be a good idea to at least be aware of this! It might seem terribly unfair, but the rules are there for a good reason, and I feel that since I am a visitor here in this country, it is especially important for me to follow the rules. Some of you may disagree, but at least be aware that this is the rule, even if you choose not to abide by it.